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www.myspace.com/horsetheband MySpace.com | Home The Web MySpace Help | SignUp Home | Browse | Search | Invite | Rank | Mail | Blog | Favorites | Forum | Groups | Events | Games | Music | Classifieds Videos | Directory | Search | Top Artists | Shows | Music Forums | Music Classifieds | Artist Signup HORSE the band Death Metal / Emo / Hardcore "You are Gay" United States Profile Views: 300626 Last Login: 01/11/2006 View more pics Contacting HORSE the band MySpace URL: http://www.myspace.com/horsetheband HORSE the band General Info Member Since September 28, 2004 Band Website horsetheband.com Band Members Blade - keys Big Violence - guitar Beef Sore - vox Eel Eye - drums Grief - bass Influences gay porn and fried chicken Sounds Like having sex with a dead body Record Label Combat Records Type of Label Major Upcoming Shows ( view all ) Jan 22 2006 7:30P Chain Reaction Anaheim, CA Mar 21 2006 7:00P Glasshouse Pomona, CA Mar 22 2006 8:00P Slim's San Francisco, CA Mar 23 2006 9:00P Hawthorne Theater Portland, OR Mar 24 2006 8:00P El Corazon Seattle, WA Mar 27 2006 7:00P Bluebird Theatre Denver, CO Apr 4 2006 6:30P Majestic Theatre Detriot, MI HORSE the band's Latest Blog Entry [ Subscribe to this Blog ] HORSE the band Tour DVD ( view more ) BUNNIES VIDEO (REAL version) ( view more ) NEW MERCH STORE ( view more ) [ View All Blog Entries ] About HORSE the band September 20th - 'THEMECHANICALHAND' is released ORDER OUR NEW CD HERE!!! AND BUY OUR MERCH HERE!!! CHECK OUT OUR NEW E-CARD!!! http://kochstreams.hostcentric.com/htb/ MTV and MTV2 To request HORSE the band's 'Birdo' video on MTV and MTV2 send a request by e-mail here: feedback@mtv.com feedback@mtv2.com "BIRDO" - VIDEO PUT OUR VIDEO ON YOUR PAGE!!! "A MILLION EXPLODING SUNS" - VIDEO PUT OUR VIDEO ON YOUR PAGE!!! HORSE the band is five stellar gods running from a haunted past they can't possibly forget. Formed on the mean streets of Los Angeles after the birth of the new millenium the members of HORSE began to create their exotic sound to fight the past and create the future. HORSE the band consists of Nathan the tormented poet beast on vocals, David the hyper-intelligent lover on guitar, Erik the child-like wizard of keyboards, Eli the cuddly smut-peddling gourmet on drums and Dash the gritty urban barbarian on bass. HORSE the band's music has won them many accolades for energy and originality. Often referred to as 'nintendo-core' because of their spastic and glorious brutallity they prefer to strike out and create their own unique sounds each time they manifest their powers. Among their many achievements HORSE was listed as one of Alternative Press' Top 100 Bands to Watch in 2005. One thing is for certain - You will love them or you will pretend not to, but in the end you can not deny their prowess. HORSE the band's Friend Space HORSE the band has 28325 friends. napoleon dynamite Napoleon Dynamite Napoleon Dynamite Napoleon Dynamite Napoleon Napoleon Napoleon Napoleon View All of HORSE the band's Friends HORSE the band'sFriends Comments Displaying 50 of 6861 comments ( View/Edit All Comments ) xXx A Bullet in Your Teeth xXx Jan 11, 2006 12:00 PM *love the music alex Jan 11, 2006 11:49 AM i cant believe it.... i cant fucking believe it!!! horse the band.. finally in ENGLAND!! and not only in the home country but playing with sadako... im travelling nearly 4 hours to come see you guys... cant fucking wait!!! bring t-shirts n shit coz im bringing money!!!!!!! much love!!!! She Makes A Killing. Jan 11, 2006 11:20 AM YO. COME TO ENGLAND, LUTON? love the new song. xxxx. John Jan 11, 2006 09:27 AM Come back to AZ cuz you guys never came last time Stitched In Silence Jan 11, 2006 09:21 AM NINTENDOCORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! CHECK US OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Brian(wendy) Jan 11, 2006 04:37 AM ROCK! Curling's my fav Jan 10, 2006 10:21 PM Mmmm... west coast tour this summer. sound appetizing. Bunnies! Jan 10, 2006 10:15 PM Manateen = best lyrics ever. Swifteh Jan 10, 2006 10:09 PM Is it possible to pre-order tickets for the Seattle show in March? You guys kick ass. Angelfuck Jan 10, 2006 06:09 PM HEY lookin 4wrd to seeing u at nottingham..is coz of meeee u ll be playing! haha ais xx I like to go skating. Jan 10, 2006 06:06 PM you guys are gnarly. keep rocking the shit out of everyone. PRESTON IS SO CLICHE... Jan 10, 2006 05:10 PM put the kangarooster song back up...I LOVE THAT SONG O BUTRFLY, YU R SO PRITY!!!1 Jan 10, 2006 04:46 PM FUCK YES. UK NOW PLEASE. I'm so happy. GODICAN'TWAIT. Rory Jan 10, 2006 04:02 PM Oh My God! You're coming to the UK! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Words cannot express how much I love you guys The Glorious Emptiness Within Jan 10, 2006 03:35 PM You guys are fuckin genius!! ..m/ it never gets easier Jan 10, 2006 02:49 PM I love you guys T-I-double guh-er Jan 10, 2006 01:46 PM come to IOWA!!!again The Sun Only Shines On Cooll People!!! Jan 10, 2006 12:13 PM You gutsare the best band in the world, thanks for all the great music. Dannie & The Full Effect Jan 10, 2006 12:03 PM HORSE The Band rules. It was great hanging out with you guys at my friend Mike's house a couple weeks ago. But can't you delete that Square Ricky comment a few posts below? Having to scroll down to turn off that stupid video everytime I come to your profile is a pain in the ass. Blackened Skies Jan 10, 2006 12:01 PM man you guys should totally put up the song purple from R. Borlax.. that song is fucking sick people should hear it!!! :D r0bOt? Jan 10, 2006 11:53 AM jerktastic! Brad Jan 10, 2006 11:50 AM Thank GOD you're coming back to Seattle! This time I'm getting there an hour early just in case the tickets get misprinted again. Are you headlining this time? I sure as shit hope so. Not Every Display Name Can Be Poetic Jan 10, 2006 11:48 AM I'm really glad you put Manateen up, a fantastic song. Would it be too much to ask for Load Gold Throneroom? um... you know who robert is. duh. Jan 10, 2006 11:47 AM yeah you people post those bullshit peta videos on HORSE's myspace so that i cant even hear their video that i want to watch playing and have to scroll all the way down the page. just for that i'm going to eat twice as much meat from now on to make up for all the meat you aren't eating. obscene waste of space Jan 10, 2006 11:44 AM my lady bought me the dvd fur xmas fucking badass seeing an early live version of octopus in flames you guys are some sick fucks but ill take an anal alcohol induction whenever your down to give one lets say.... howabout on the 22nd when you guys come back to town? fuck yeah ___MateO___ mike Jan 10, 2006 11:36 AM Fucking A thats a good song, but not better then a Rusty glove. happy new year. (yea im late on that) My name's Simon but its pronounced DEATHBLOW sukka Jan 10, 2006 11:36 AM You guys were purdy sweet and gay and stuff at st. andrews in detroit... SPE.K Jan 10, 2006 11:26 AM great new song! keep on keepin on Fear Before The March Of Timera Jan 10, 2006 11:24 AM the top 8...bit brilliant Trish Forgives You Not Jan 10, 2006 11:05 AM eek! why did u delete brido from the playlist? :'[[[ francine Jan 10, 2006 10:55 AM i listen to you guys on repeat. yeah. can't help it. chasing.false.beauty Jan 10, 2006 10:48 AM i lvoe you so much, your my new jesus SPE.K Jan 10, 2006 10:36 AM I ♥ michigan mauler ♥ Jan 10, 2006 09:51 AM ♥hangin' tough in the new year ♥ <<LEAndro>>8==D Your Brazilian friend Jan 10, 2006 09:48 AM listening to yall reminds me old times playing megaman and listening to the music on the back ground matt- and the adventures of.... Jan 10, 2006 09:31 AM yus! england!!!- we have been waiting for the horse! Demented Muffin Jan 10, 2006 06:56 AM You guys need to get your asses to Indiana, RIGHT NOW. ...And you have to convince my mum to let me see you, too . Rowan Jan 10, 2006 03:33 AM cannot wait to see you guys in the UK!!!! Northern Ireland will some to see you! www.musicandstuff.net Jan 10, 2006 03:25 AM You've all got big hairy balls badmotherfucker Jan 10, 2006 12:10 AM yeah fuck yeah!!!!!! Sam Jan 9, 2006 10:07 PM Whats going on with the show on the 22nd? Man hopefully you can play more songs without that fucking Hella band hogging up your stagetime. BDOW Jan 9, 2006 10:06 PM I Can Listen To Your Music All Day shotgun Jan 9, 2006 09:45 PM i was just selling drugs, then i thought, * as soon as i sell this kilo of cacowaine i should say hello to HORSE. Im not sure about that random connection. but hi. ps: lord gold likes all-black watersports porn Christopher Moltisanti Jan 9, 2006 09:36 PM jill Jan 9, 2006 09:33 PM if you think bangers and mash is so awesome get yr asses to ireland and try Guiness soup eugene is legend Jan 9, 2006 09:29 PM dude guys.. where can i get R. Borlax Bradley Jan 9, 2006 09:28 PM A Million Exploding Suns is way better than Birdo. You guys are never going to the Phix again are you? You guys are on Sirius Hard Attack, you're going to be to big for the Phix and last time you didn't even show. You should put Cutsman on the radio, and make a video for that, if you want to get big, play the old really good stuff rather than the new moderately ok stuff. Everything until now has been lies, all lies, cowards. its peanutbruno jelly time! Jan 9, 2006 09:19 PM xcrying in a corner at mcdonalds on walmart with an atreyu hoodiex yeah!! four headed alien freaks attacked my anus so.... yeah you guys fucking rock!! Murderotica Jan 9, 2006 09:14 PM That isn't really true. I just like to make up stories and sometimes I mix in how much I enjoy your music. Congratulations, today I mixed that in. Murderotica Jan 9, 2006 09:08 PM I was listening to R. Borlax and woke up in the hospital.. 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Pimp Junta My Thoughts on Feet January 4th, 2006 by John Brownlee I’ve often heard girls say that they judge men by their shoes. That women pay so much attention to the feet of a man has never made much sense to me. This is like judging a man by his armpit. Actually, it’s worse – I’ve seen the attractive armpit or two in my time. But what are feet if not mottled, misshapen clumps of flesh crammed into reeking coffins of leather? Feet are what your hands would look like if all the bones in them were repeatedly broken every six weeks with a brick. Disgusting. Such is my loathing of the foot that there’s only two types of girls I would never date. One: fatties. Two: those who paint their toenails. Girls - painting your toenails is like applying lipstick to your anus. Don’t do it. The Chinese, with their foot binding, had the right idea – minimize these revolting appendages to offset evolution’s blind, ignorant fondness for them. Because of my revulsion, I try to pay as little attention to my feet as possible and so, over the years, I have developed a rather hardy set myself. Whether it was walking barefoot through a foot of snow to my neighbor’s house as a youth, or shrugging off the spray of gore resulting from stepping on a piece of jagged ceramic – the end result is a steady regime of consistent abuse has resulted in their near nigh-invulnerability. To me, shoes are a social nicety which I resent. Coming home in the evening, my greatest joy is to kick off the sweaty foot coffins and give the boys some air. Like my future wife, I am happiest both barefoot and in my kitchen. The other day, I was walking home in what was once a chic pair of black leather loafers when I passed a shoe cobbler. This caused me to ruminate and look down at the poor puppies below my ankles. The left shoe had a large gash in the side. In the hollowed heels of both, numerous trapped pebbles and tiny glass shards rattled. The soles, partially disconnected from the shoe proper, made exasperating farting-like noises when I walked. Unlike underpants, I tend to wear shoes until decomposition. But I decided to go in and see if all these pedimentary traumas could be repaired anyway. The cobbler assured me that they could be if only I were to leave my shoes with him. So I made what I thought was a common-sense decision: I took off my shoes, handed them to him, and began walking the five minutes back to my house in my socks. Within fifty yards, I’d already been stopped by the Gardai. “Ey! Wud’s oll dis den?” the copper ejaculated, pointing down with his walkie talkie at my shoeless feet. I scowled up at him defiantly. Recently, I’ve felt the Dublin police have been getting too big for their britches. I blame the uniform change: previously, every member of the Dublin Gardai wore a uniform comprised of khaki and puke green, overlaid with a fluorescent traffic vest. True, it was attire more appropriate for a parking garage attendant than a metropolitan enforcer of law and order, but the police at least walked around looking suitably abashed by the trouble they were causing you , the criminal. That’s the way it should be. Now, though, they have imported all their police uniforms straight from Paris and walk around with a pompous and lugubrious impugnity. This has caused the members of the seedy Dublin underworld to christen them “Potato-humping frog bacon”. “What, it’s illegal to walk around without shoes in this ridiculous Mickey Mouse country?” I exclaimed. He scowled and started jabbing me with his thumb. “Led’s see yer passport.” I didn’t have my passport on me, so I was dragged away to Gardai headquarters, yelping Rodney king quotes and the phrase “Five-Oh, yote!” over my shoulder the entire journey. These utterings failed to find cultural resonance. Anyway, it’s a long story, but the slippery slope, one thing led to another, and several savage beatings in the Rathmines Gardai station’s basement later, it turns out that, as an Irish citizen, you can come within a hair’s breadth of being deported for not wearing shoes over here. So next time The Economist lists Ireland as “the best country in the world to live in”, I hope you all remember this little anecdote. Posted in Personal | 4 Comments » -- Guest-Blogging at the Consumerist January 3rd, 2006 by John Brownlee In case any of my readers (mostly comprised of my relatives, some Boston friends, three ex-girlfriends, a couple of anonymous AOL IM acquaintances who believe my profile-stated interest in pipe-smoking to be underworld slang for homoerotic fellatio, and Dr. Derek Smart, PhD) are interested in paparazzing my Internet fame: I’m (paid!) guest-blogging over at The Consumerist this week. I haven’t really read it yet, but it’s some sort of anti-corporate, pro-consumer website from the Gawker guys, who also do the (much nicer looking) blogs Gizmodo , Lifehacker , Fleshbot and others. My stint posting snarky news criticizing major corporations will be especially amusing to those close friends who have ever listened to me drunkenly defend major corporate hegemonies. You can tell my posts because they are the ones overusing adverbs. As an added note, my first day blogging over there netted me my first quote ever in the New York Times . The only problem? They attributed it to the totally wrong guy. The italicized part is what John Brownlee actually wrote : Mr. Johnson, who previously edited Gizmodo, another Gawker site, also highlights consumer-oriented news nuggets, funny pictures and shopping tips - all with the same snarky tone that characterizes Gawker properties like Wonkette and Defamer. This week, he posted an impassioned plea for more imaginative advertising because “the loud, braying ubiquity of advertising pretty much invalidates it without any effort on my part.” He added, “I don’t notice advertising anymore, unless it is advertising that somehow makes my life a little more surreal, or stupid, or silly, or magical.” So update your future editions of “Notable Quotables” accordingly, guys. Posted in Personal , Internet | No Comments » -- Metro Must Die! January 3rd, 2006 by John Brownlee Years back, I had a feud with the Boston Metro, a free daily newspaper that alternately constipated then squirted out of bowels of the Boston subway system. I hated this paper, not just for its abominable journalistic qualities, but also because it transformed what had once been a pleasant morning commute into an Indian gauntlet. Daily, I was battered by the greasy, rolled up rags clenched in the flailing fists of the thousands of oddly shuffling pimps, hobos and hustlers that formed the Metro’s sleazy newsie constabulary. Within a month of the Metro’s inception, there wasn’t a single bus station restroom not using the Metro for toilet paper; not a single gutter unstuffed with the Metro’s soggy literary discharge. Every bum, every brown-toothed transient, every deinstitutionalized lunatic soon found employment in the Metro armada harassing innocent commuters with the circumcised foreskin of journalism proper. I once paid one of these bums fifty dollars never to try to hand me a Metro again. He took my money, then gave me two the next day. If you were riding the Orange Line on December 2nd, 2001 and wondered what the wet lurch you felt between the State Street and Downtown Crossing stops was… mystery solved! The violence I wanted to inflict upon the Metro soon took a literary turn. I wish I had a copy of the letter I once wrote to the Boston Metro, but it wasn’t safe to keep lying around. If a single atom of brain whizzes around the inside of your skull, reading this letter would cause that atom to split, like a cerebral Hiroshima. The only place safely expose its radiation was in the ntellectual siberia of a Metro staff writer’s mind. But could even the leaden brainpan of a Metro staff writer contain the explosion? I copied every email address I could find off the Metro’s website, then I took my laptop to a cafe across from their headquarters. From the vantage of a window seat, I pressed “Send”. Imagine putting a thousand water balloons filled with cow’s blood in the microwave, then turning it on. That was what I thought was going to happen. I expected to hear a series of dull pops from across the street, quickly followed by a tidal wave of blood washing down the oscillating waterfalls of the front steps anemone-like brains, squidy eyeballs and small barques made of skull shrapnel. Needless to say, that didn’t happen. Luckily for them, the lack of that single atom which would have allowed my wit to start the necessary nuclear chain reaction was missing from the vacuum of their minds. Employees of the Metro: mentally retarded Supermen, hovering far above the earth by dint of their helium-filled heads, and when they drool, it rains. It wasn’t a total loss though. The letter soon became immortalized amongst my friends and acquaintances, all of whom hated the Boston Metro as much as me and amongst whom I privately railed for years about the cheap no-brow rag. In response to their imploring, I distributed the letter to a select few, but only every fourth word. Even so, these friends began reporting nose bleeds, detached retinas or the sudden ability to smell colors. One friend who accidentally pieced the entire letter together by joining his copy with those of three others suddenly found himself in a Cthulhu-like dimension where strange chthonic fish made of ectoplasm tormented him for eternity. It seems to me that the Infinite Monkey Typewriter project should be concerned less with reproducing the works of Shakespeare and worry more about accidentally reproducing a certain letter from Mr. John Brownlee to the Boston Metro, dated April, 2002. Because here’s what’s going to happen to the monkey who accidentally manages to type it up, in rapid succession following the first millisecond of the letter’s recreation. First, the monkey will turn sentient; second, it will be able to speak English; third, it will scream “Oh my god!” as it starts pulling ropes of its own intestines out of its ears. Jane Goodall meets Lucio Fulci, man. But that’s incidental to my main point. Eventually, I realized my intellectual duel to the death with the Boston Metro wasn’t going anywhere. Sure, the wit of my letter was pretty powerful. It had even killed a few people. But not the people it intended. It was like trying to shoot a ghost with a bazooka. Whoosh, and then the Catholic orphanage behind the ghost suddenly explodes. Only innocents were being hurt. So I did the only thing I could do to stop the conflict - I fled the country and moved to Ireland. It’s been a good four years. But today, as I was walking into town, a filthy hobo in a crisp blue blazer approached me, hacking madly. I tried to avoid him, as I imagined that he would soon begin blowing a large black bubble from his mouth, which would actually turn out to be one of his lungs. But he veered in my direction. The glaucoma of one of his eyes began shivering like the undercooked white of a fried egg; the other rolled crazily. I tend to get a little panicky when I’m trying to avoid someone fast approaching me. In my confusion, I rigidly pressed my arms up against my ribs and began effetely fluttering my hands next to my hips. I also squealed and spun in a circle a bit. This didn’t work: next thing I knew, the hideous transient was upon me and (using a mottled paw with a tell-tale brown streak across the blade of the palm) had pressed something gray and soggy between my hands, like a sheath of rotting flesh. I knew what it was before I even looked down. “Dublin Metro, read oll abood ib…” he croaked, then walked off, hysterically screaming his laughter into the sunrise he rigidly fixed with his one dead eye. Some brief highlights of today’s issue of the Dublin Metro: * * * 22 stone (that’s 308 pounds, or 140 kilograms) 12 year old congratulated by the Metro for dropping 42 pounds. The Metro is relieved he will not have to staple his stomach. * * * A serious page long interview between the Metro and a professional astrologer. Here are some tasty quotes: “Lots of big companies use financial astrologers.” “I got my qualification [as an astrologer] from the Faculty of Astrological Studies. I did a basic certificate, then a two-year diploma.” When asked how astrology works: “… it’s a mystery.” On quantum physics: “Quantum physics is all about things making patterns - fractals you can draw.” Her explanation concerning incorrect predictions: “When I get it wrong - and this is true of every astrologer - it’s often due to people’s interpretation.” In other words, she’s not wrong, you are. * * * An ad starting with the question “Got drunk again?” * * * That was as far as I got before I thought that last one was less a question and more good advice. Posted in Personal | 1 Comment » -- Radio Psyence Belated Christmas January 2nd, 2006 by John Brownlee If Nat King Cole were still alive, I like to think many of us would pull apart his Christmas-crooning lips and perform King Kong’s infamous jaw-snapping fatality on him. But he’s a raisin of a crooner in the grave now, and frankly can not be blamed for being so timeless that he has become a nauseating holiday cliche. Anyway, now that we are about as far away from a reflux of Christmas music as one can chronologically be… hey, Radio Psyence phoned in a Christmas show two weeks ago! Posted in Music , Personal , Internet | No Comments » -- « Previous Entries Search Pimp Junta Author A little something about you, the author. Nothing lengthy, just an overview. -- Archives January 2006 December 2005 November 2005 October 2005 September 2005 August 2005 July 2005 June 2005 May 2005 April 2005 March 2005 February 2005 Categories Books (11) Double Posts (3) Films (17) Flotsam (31) Games (10) General (12) Internet (25) Music (13) Personal (47) Photos (5) Login Valid XHTML XFN WordPress -- Recent Updates My Thoughts on Feet Guest-Blogging at the Consumerist Metro Must Die! Radio Psyence Belated Christmas Kong!.. sucks Surprising Appearances in American Literature Being A Paid Escort for Christmas: Part Five Okay. I’m back. Disestablishmentarianist Thought Of The Day Breastless Pelvises RSS Entries Comments Enter your e-mail address to receive notifications when there are new posts