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Whore Train
Exquisite Corpse - A Journal of Letters and Life Dirk the Lech by Pete Sniegowski From Losers: A Collection of Short Stories Admitted depravity is one thing, the other is pathos, sweet and true as honey. He liked the idea of lechery, the whole idea of it. I suppose we all have our own definition of lechery. Dirk's head was full of Sci-Fi comic book heroines with giant breasts and tear-drop asses. It was also full of far too much live KISS footage and Bad Company songs. But it went well beyond that. He wrote on his pants--spasmodic phrases--things like, BROWN, PETRIFIED RAGE!!, REMEMBER THE ORANGE GLOW!!, FURIOUS SPHOOG TUNES!! I saw him last Tuesday, patching his canoe in the front yard. He'd smeared grass clippings into the resin by accident. The fiberglass wasn't staying down. It went wherever his trowel (a stick) went. And he was saying to me, "When I get older I'll be one of those guys on the front porch yelling at kids and hooting at the chicks going by." "Leaning forward on your cane." "Right." "With shit in your diaper." "Hey!" he said with mock ferocity. "Leave my dreams alone." Resin-impregnated fiberglass strands wafted against his leg. "Dreams like the Norsky whore?" "She wasn't a whore!" But I could see that she was. In a non-violent way, Dirk considered all women to be saucy little hookers of one type or another. The ones who denied it were simply frigid, saucy little hookers, who lied to themselves, and everybody else. Usually, listening to other guys talk about sexual exploits turns my stomach slowly. Not to be prudish or anything, because I don't give a damn what they do to each other as long as there's consent and I'm not a part of it. It's just that Dirk's eyes would bulge, and he'd get this weird tick where he'd stretch his neck and look at you like a fish in a fist when he really got going on the topic of a woman's ass. Which comes back to the story of the Norsky Whore, who is, technically, not a whore. If I remember it right, she spoke four languages and, according to Dirk, had one beatific ass. Anyway, Dirk was on his way to Eastern Europe, via Amsterdam. After the airport, at the train station, he stowed his ever precious, life encompassing duffle in a locker. Within one day Dirk would turn 30. He had some half-psychotic notion that he needed to "fuck a whore" before he turned 30, because after he turned 30 he had vowed to become the son that his mother always wanted, not the irresponsible megalomaniac that he was. And fucking a whore on the day before his 30th birthday was going be the gateway of sin through which he would pass as he cleansed himself, in Amsterdam. Europe's own sin city. It seems that Dirk had reached a cross roads. And as usual, he followed the road of the misguided, mildly evil miscreant. He rationalized his plan with the knowledge that Kerouac would on occasion seek out a prostitute, which, according to Dirk, meant that he was in good company. Back to Dirk loading his duffle into a train station locker--I will give him this: Dirk was pure enough of character to know that he was a loser, simple and straight forward. Not only that, but he hated himself for it and simultaneously loved every minute of the entire, explosively hilarious paradox. I'll grant you he's twisted. But it's as true a twist as you'll ever see. Anyway, enough lionizing the loser. In scuffed, clownish boots and torn, written on clothes he headed off to a "coffee shop" to smoke some coffee. But Dirk forgot something about himself--he's a tight-wad mother fucker. And he blew a fair amount on "coffee." Which left him with only 15 bucks in his pocket (he didn't even consider trying to get more cash as this trip was "budgeted"). After ogling ass all over the street for an hour, he finally honed in on one woman in particular. Although this was not part of the story as he related it, I imagine his neck was stretched to full extension as he gaped at her boobs from the back corner of his left eye and offered her the fifteen bucks hoping she'd suck him off cut rate. No deal. Now things began to look grim--it seemed Dirk would not get to "bang his strumpet" before he turned thirty. Having set this goal for himself, and seeing it so clearly as the only way to go, he faced the stark reality of his loserdom. To fail in this matter would be bad for his future. The ramifications of failure would reverberate throughout the rest of his life. But he was a loser anyway, so he turned and followed the flow (which quickly became a line) of stoop-shouldered chicken chokers into a large grey building with girls dancing in the windows. As he and his horny, frog-eyed compatriots shuffled through dank, sound-dampened corridors, young women (possibly girls) reached out to them, beckoned them. Dirk shuffled faster. Somewhere along the line there he decided that all he really wanted to do was drool over some hot stripper while he smacked his monkey against a pole. Which was all he could afford, anyway. It was a resolution of sorts. He found his booth. You know what it smelled like, and if you don't so much the better for you. There wasn't much room. Over in the corner sat a chair with a small table by it. On the table sat a box of tissues, under it, a wastebasket. He turned to the control panel on the wall and saw that there were names next to buttons: Jackie, Lola, Sophia, etc... You get the picture. Now, Dirk was never big on doing things the way they were supposed to be done, nor was he big on patience. So, he had a look at the instructions, decided they were far too complicated and dumped a few guilder into the machine. He paused and pressed Lola because Jackie sounded a bit dikey to him and Sophia reminded him of Sophia Loren. He did not want to see Sophia Loren naked. Most of us might wait for at least a minute before we proceeded with further measures. After all, you're 3,000 miles from home, in a foreign country, wedged into a cum stained porno booth. You don't know how things operate in this neck of the woods. So you wait. Not Dirk. He says he waited a while, and, in his manic state, I expect it seemed like that at the time. I figure he waited about ten to fifteen seconds. Whereupon he pressed another button and held it for a second. Again, there was no immediate gratification. So he dumped all his money into the machine and spread his hand across all the buttons, pushing them all two or three times. Within moments a displeased looking woman in a loose robe walked into the room on the other side of the glass from Dirk. I won't subject you to the lascivious details as they were related to me. Suffice to say that he didn't look her in the face for quite some time. The stripper tried three or four different languages. Possibly because Dirk always looks like a refugee, possibly just to humble him. Either way, you gotta like it. Finally, she landed on English and demanded, "Have you ever done this before?" And here comes Dirk's second big mistake. "Yeah. Sure," he said. He earned no points with that response. Instead he gave the impression of arrogance hiding ignorance. Which doesn't get you anywhere with a stripper who's behind an inch of Plexiglas. The woman tried to explain to Dirk where to put the money and how much one thing or another cost. "You want full nude show--so much. You want masturbation--so much," and so on. Dirk wasn't paying attention. He was watching her robe fall open ever so slightly as she made her explanations--his neck stretched and twitching the whole time. He looked up at her through a haze of testosterone. "I put all my money in the machine." He pointed to the lit up buttons. The woman began to lose patience. Dirk pressed on. "I put fifteen guilder in, which entitles me to a pussy show." From there it broke into full argument. She wasn't budging and Dirk was about to lose it. Within seconds he would lose the rest of his money and get nothing, no whore to fuck before he turned 30, no pussy show, nothing. He could not face the wretched truth of it all. He argued like a fanatic. "I paid fifteen guilder to that machine. Look, right on the front there--it says fifteen guilder. Now lets have a show! Goddamnit!" That was all the woman needed to hear. She stood up straight, pulled her robe tight and left. Dirk remained in the booth for a second, then it came to him: pure failure--simple, mammoth and flat. He fled the scene quickly, which really should be the end of the story, but this is Dirk, so let's continue. He gets back to the train station and sees that his locker is open and everything is gone. He freaks. He makes his distress audible. "Oh! Oh! Oh! All my shit!" People begin to stare. He ignores them and tears off looking for the attendant. He finds the attendant talking to some older, quiet folks. No time for that. "Some mother fucker stole my shit!" He blurted. "I went... I was gone for a while and now my shit is gone! Some son-of-a-bitch..." He dragged the attendant to his locker. "You are sure this is your locker?" The attendant asked. "Of course it's my fucking locker! I'm not fucking stupid." It wasn't his locker. His was the next one to the right. After that Dirk got on the train for Eastern Europe and turned thirty the next day. He's still out there, victimizing the unsuspecting. Once, on a bleak stretch of I-80 in southern Wyoming I tried to kill him in my pick-up truck--ready and willing to sacrifice my truck and my own life if necessary. Anything to get the job done. Totaled the truck, but we both walked away with little loss of blood. No luck. Two days later he was found screaming at a seven-year-old girl who had allowed her pet bunny to get into his yard. He told her she didn't deserve a bunny if she couldn't control it. The girl was mildly retarded. She wouldn't stop crying for three days. When the mother came over later that day to exact an apology from Dirk, he refused. When things became heated, he screamed at the girl again, and in all likelihood caused permanent damage to her psyche. He hasn't apologized to this day. Last I heard, he fell for some girl in her late teens. They both decided that she didn't need the medicine the psychiatrists had prescribed and headed West in a dusty green '73 Fury station wagon. ©1999-2004 Exquisite Corpse. Site design by Compulsive Creations .
MySpace
www.myspace.com/goodcleanfun MySpace.com | Home The Web MySpace Help | SignUp Home | Browse | Search | Invite | Rank | Mail | Blog | Favorites | Forum | Groups | Events | Games | Music | Classifieds Videos | Directory | Search | Top Artists | Shows | Music Forums | Music Classifieds | Artist Signup Good Clean Fun Hardcore / Punk "GOOD CLEAN FUN" United States Profile Views: 60607 Last Login: 01/10/2006 View more pics Contacting Good Clean Fun MySpace URL: http://www.myspace.com/goodcleanfun Good Clean Fun General Info Member Since September 27, 2004 Band Website gcf.phyte.com Band Members Issa is the only one taking responsibility for this online excursion. Aaron, Kelly, Danny and Justin take none of the blame! Influences The word "influence" is funny, because it doesn't really pay proper homage to the bands that we stole riffs and lyrics from. That long and diverse list includes the likes of Gorilla Biscuits, Youth Of Today, Minor Threat, 7SECONDS, Madonna, the Smiths, Public Enemy, The Black Sheep, Refused, Phil Ochs, Aqua, and the Bangles. Sounds Like We tried to sound as much like Gorilla Biscuits as possible. We admit it. The new record isn't that different, we just spent a lot more time on recording it, and it is updated for the new millenium. Whatever that means. Record Label Equal Vision Records / Reflections Records -europe Type of Label Indie Upcoming Shows ( view all ) Feb 9 2006 8:00P US TOUR WASHINGTON, DC Good Clean Fun's Latest Blog Entry [ Subscribe to this Blog ] Positive Hardcore Lyrics ( view more ) The MySpace Song Lyrics ( view more ) The New Album! ( view more ) The Latest! ( view more ) http://www.punkradiocast.com/TOP10.php ( view more ) [ View All Blog Entries ] About Good Clean Fun What does the future hold for Good Clean Fun? We are finishing a new record right now...thanks to everyone who came down to do back up vocals!!! Street Date is January 24th on Equal Vision and January 10th on Reflections Records (our long time label and favorite people!) in Europe, and we will be on tour at a city near you soon. Depending on where you live. See you there! Where did GCF come from?In 1997 the hardcore scene was in dire need of a sense of humor. 4 Vegan Straightedge dudes from Washington DC (where it all began) stepped up to the challenge. Good Clean Fun was formed. Shortly the band felt that their mission had been accomplished and they reached for new goals. They set out on a 3 year non-stop tour to spread positivity to the whole planet. With shows in 35 countries, from Austria to Australia, from New England to England, from the beaches of Hawaii to the fjords of Norway (and so on) the message was delivered. In 2002, the band returned home and released a Discography CD on Equal Vision Records. In 2004 the band stayed true to its word and did a reunion tour. Good Clean Fun's Friend Space Good Clean Fun has 6571 friends. Tom The Saturday Team Papier Mache Munsen Kelly Green justin velo love Veronika mikexdna View All of Good Clean Fun's Friends Good Clean Fun'sFriends Comments Displaying 50 of 1234 comments ( View/Edit All Comments ) Katy Jan 11, 2006 01:54 PM every time i start to think all the posi in the world has gone away, i put on my good clean fun, and i have hope. you should start a religious group. =) HTHC Jan 11, 2006 04:55 AM see you guys on friday. i know it will be a great fuckin' evening with an asskicking moshpit in front of you. you'll enjoy it too. lets rock the SO36 and have all fun. Dan Spector Jan 10, 2006 07:56 PM Cant wait to see you guys in Orlando!!! Will be a blast! "Leave no turn unstoned." Jan 10, 2006 02:13 PM hey guys i just bought my tickets to next tuesdays show in vienna. the next day im leaving to go back to the states. perfect timing see ya then peace out Christian Jan 10, 2006 01:13 PM Hey! 1st of all: you rule! I really enjoyed the 2 shows where i saw you (1. with thrice and vaux in mnster.. 2. at the arnhem hc festival) greetings to issa.. i really enjoyed the chaotic interview / talk with you in arnhem at the reflections festival... http://www.crazewire.de/interviews.php?ident=374 greetings from germany, Christian XiCHbinToLLuNdDUniChX Jan 10, 2006 11:20 AM very nice scow in munich! SPRINGBREEEEAAAKE!!! TAKE CARE Jan 10, 2006 10:31 AM it was an amazing show in nuenchritz at the kombi, hope you had enjoyed it like we alle did it... i think so, you looked like it :-) and the first song of this german band you played was really funny... great great show... maybe we can play with you next time at the kombi see you, take care X I hate girls that play with hearts X Jan 10, 2006 09:44 AM ahhhw thxxxx for the add guys...what a amazing show in nnchritz...i love you :D the new cd is also a dream hehe! cheerz christian! gir Jan 10, 2006 05:23 AM dude! I can't wait until 25th! it will be amazing to go to your shows in the UK -Pinky Take Warning Booking Jan 10, 2006 12:25 AM FEBRUARY 18TH @ THE VERA PROJECT GOOD CLEAN FUN This Time Tomorrow The Answer Shook Ones + Guests All Ages - $7 without club card / $6 with club card - 7:30PM POSI!!! Posi-T Jan 9, 2006 11:00 PM February 24th!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! southern california my brothers, no others Jan 9, 2006 08:40 PM thanks for the add, looking forward to playing with you guys in boise! luke Stever Jan 9, 2006 07:15 PM I cant wait for the new album! And i think im going to go vegan (again) soon, so there will be a lot more GCF rockin my stereo, haha...keep it posi! Anti-Wasteoids Jan 9, 2006 06:14 PM Hey Issa remember us? we gave you our demo at the H20 show at the ottobar in baltimore. We are having a cd release show on the 14th and we want to give you our cd so we will be sure to see you next time you are at collage park and we'll give it to you. Take care -xJoshx kaputtmachen!!! Jan 9, 2006 06:10 PM hope you had a good time, because we defenitely had a whale of a night!!! damn i can't even sleep cuz i'm too posi right now, and i have to get up as early as you have to tomorrow, which isn't posi at all!!! hugs, andre!!! ..........ah, and wear your traditional bavarian headwear with some sense of pride!!! Waste Jan 9, 2006 05:42 PM yeah I'm just listening to the corporate rock mp3 you can't imagine how forward I look on friday: Anti Flag, Good Clean fun and mike park at the so36 Manuel Jan 9, 2006 05:28 PM thanks for this great show in munich!!! come back soon!! UBERDUBEY ATRC Jan 9, 2006 05:06 PM Thanks for just making my totally awful day! I cannot wait until you're here in CA (RIGHT AROUND MY BIRTHDAY!) Mitch today vs ashley Jan 9, 2006 03:31 PM hey remember that time you came to toronto? Ya, no one does...it was too long ago. I scanned your dates, are you not touring canada for the new album?? xxx. Snake Plissken Jan 9, 2006 03:27 PM You guys need to bring some positivity back to New England. Winter freakin' sucks. POSI tone! Jan 9, 2006 03:22 PM Please say you're coming to Canada after your US dates are done. We love you too, you know! .tone! The Scare Jan 9, 2006 12:26 PM The Scare Jan 9, 2006 10:57 AM Come to our first show, and hopefully, it'll also be our record release! Come out, come early! We should have shirts and stickers! Saturday Feb 4, 2006 GOOD CLEAN FUN GENTLEMAN's JIM TRIBUTE TO CRUCIAL YOUTH (ex crucial youth doing all crucial youth songs!) XLOOKINGFORWARDX RUINER COUNTING THE DAYS THE SCARE IN MY WAY 5 PM $10 Show starts at 5:45 tickets available at www.missiontix.com St Andrews Church 4512 College Ave College Park MD For more info email jjartistsmanager@aol.com rogue Jan 9, 2006 10:35 AM FOR TOUR DATES, CHECK OUT www.posihq.com :) straight thuggin Jan 9, 2006 09:12 AM hey how is it going..... i think it would be awesome if you guys played CT again.... i know you played here a couple months ago but i looked at your new tour dates and i didnt see any for CT or even MA or RI...it would be good to see you again... King McShiznit Jan 9, 2006 08:27 AM awesome show in cologne! Hope to see ya soon! Knox Jan 9, 2006 08:25 AM Come To Long Beach, CA play a gig in my kitchen! alex Jan 9, 2006 08:18 AM come to Asia, I am too poor to fly back to Europe to see you guys - damn! DrinkingClass Jan 9, 2006 08:08 AM Hi guys... thx for the add.. see you in hannover or/and in bochum... cheers, Bob xhighpeak400x survivorOfTheFittestCrewx Jan 9, 2006 06:58 AM thanx for bringinback the "ha" to nnchritz!! your damn great!!! (; much love 0Micha0 S.H.C. Jan 9, 2006 06:52 AM great show yesterday...respect!!! Knox Jan 9, 2006 04:38 AM I am excited that you guys will be playing L.A. and Anaheim. Daniel Chaos Jan 9, 2006 04:32 AM Eindhoven was kind of a bummer, see you in Arnhem and maybe even Rotterdam, it will probably be better. Take care Danil PS: I found these pics on a Dutch messageboard, they're actually pretty cool. Grier For The Win! [[Crucial!]] Jan 9, 2006 04:15 AM So I was checkin' out y'alls tour dates, and was kinda bumed you aren't coming around RVA. Oh well, maybe next tour. every day a little romance Jan 9, 2006 04:13 AM hey guys!!! the show in cologne was really really awesome!! i had a lot of fun! i really liked the "ex-straight-edge-ex" song!!! go on like that!! myspace rulez ;-) SXHC Jan 9, 2006 03:18 AM hey guy's, thanks for the great show yesterday in Nnchritz. it was like play in my living room. We all are friends and sing all songs along...Have a very good time here in europe. we love you all! Ingo Jan 9, 2006 02:53 AM Saturdays night show in Cologne was awesome. Thank you for some unforgetable hours. Take care Ingo XarsenX (Go Vegan) Jan 9, 2006 02:22 AM thnx a lot for the show saturday.it was like a big big party with a lot of friends. xtake care guysx MARC ATTACK! Jan 9, 2006 01:16 AM kelly green i am like in love Eric Jan 9, 2006 12:01 AM hey i had a real fun time filming that video. it was good to meet you guys Moritz Jan 8, 2006 11:27 PM Your show on saturday in kln. was so great hope to see you again in bochum! ex-straight-ex kenny HA! Jan 8, 2006 09:45 PM holy crap, you're playing lexington, ky?!?! i'm so there Christian InXsight Jan 8, 2006 06:07 PM I just heard 'What Corporate Rock Can't Say'. Rad song, love the lyrics. Angels Vs. Demons Jan 8, 2006 04:29 PM hey! haha seen you guys last friday @ the dynamo in Eindhoven! haha had allot of fun, and liked the show! even through the crowd was a bit.... lame and didnt move at all.... Arnhem was better... but hey! had one hell of a good time! http://home.deds.nl/~alexisonfire/1.jpg http://home.deds.nl/~alexisonfire/2.jpg http://home.deds.nl/~alexisonfire/3.jpg http://home.deds.nl/~alexisonfire/4.jpg http://home.deds.nl/~alexisonfire/5.jpg http://home.deds.nl/~alexisonfire/6.jpg http://home.deds.nl/~alexisonfire/7.jpg http://home.deds.nl/~alexisonfire/8.jpg my pictures of that night :) hope you like them! till next time! tadaa! Mike Jan 8, 2006 01:13 PM Im loving the new song(Corporate Rock). Can't wait for the album and hopefully a show in Montreal Tear of Phoenix Jan 8, 2006 12:09 PM Thanx for the Add !! g-funk cash $$ Jan 8, 2006 11:06 AM wait hold a minute, is the rec release with looking forjesus?!? molly Jan 8, 2006 10:25 AM thank you guys for an unforgettable show! Workers Etiquette Manual Jan 8, 2006 10:12 AM Hi folks! Thx 4 the add!!! MyLife Jan 8, 2006 10:11 AM yo suckaz! thanks for the awesome show yesterday! looking forward to see you in bochum. austria till death! Add Comment About | FAQ | Terms | Privacy | Safety Tips | Contact Myspace | Promote! | Advertise ©2003-2006 MySpace.com All Rights Reserved.
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Pimp My Safari: New Safari RSS page on Apple.com Skip Navigation Pimp My Safari About Plug ins Bookmarklets Blog Contribute Plugin Categories: Adblocking (5) Applescripts (7) Automator Actions (3) Bookmarks (4) File Viewers (2) Interface (6) Misc (9) Multi featured (6) RSS (3) Searching (7) Web development (6) Search: Sidelinks | RSS Pimp my Blog New Safari RSS page on Apple.com Apple has just announced that Tiger will be released on April 29th, and with it the Apple site has redesigned it’s ‘macosx’ section to cover it. Of particular interest is the new Safari RSS page. The movie demonstrating the RSS feature has also been updated. Here are the new features listed by Apple: Archive a Web Page : Save the HTML and images for the current web page on your hard drive with just a few clicks. Bookmark Search : Quickly search across all of your bookmarks, RSS bookmarks and history. Email Web Page or Link : Email the contents or URL of the current web page without the hassle of cutting and pasting into a message. Export Bookmarks : Export bookmarks directly from Safari — perfect for sharing, archiving and more. Improved Performance : Safari 2.0 on Tiger loads pages 1.8 times faster than Safari 1.2 on Panther. Inline PDF Viewing : View PDF documents directly in the Safari browser window — no other application required. Parental Controls : Keep your kids safe online by specifying exactly which websites they can access. Private Browsing : Keep cookies, history and caches private when using Safari on a public access Mac. RSS Auto Detection : Automatically detect the availability of RSS news feeds for a website so you can easily add them to your list. RSS Personal Clipping Service : Aggregate and filter RSS news feeds to create a topical bookmark. RSS Update Notification : Safari displays the number of new RSS articles for an RSS feed, feed folder or personal clipping service. Safari RSS View : View RSS news feeds for your favorite websites directly in Safari — no external news reader required. Safari and iPhoto Integration : Easily save a picture from the Web to iPhoto with a single click. Security Certificate View : View the details of a secure website’s certificate simply by clicking the security lock icon during any secure web session. Posted by Jon Hicks hicksdesign © 2005. Powered by Textpattern and hosted by Segment Publishing