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Whore Train
eXile - Issue #163 - Whore-R Stories - Whore-r Stories: International Whores' Day - By Genghis Goldberg Moscow-based alternativenewspaper Search the eXile All Issues This Issue This Author This Column | Advanced Search... Email thousands of beautiful Russian Ladies! Home | Archive | Club Guide | Restaurant Guide | Songs | Field Guide To Moscow | Political Trading Cards | About Us Browse Column (19) Previous (4) Next (14) Whore-r Stories: International Whores' Day By Genghis Goldberg Browse Author (8) Previous (4) Next (3) T he buildup to International Women's Day here in Moscow last month was as nauseating as Christmas Season in New England. All those flower vendors, cheesy TV specials and grotesque toasts to womanhood triggered fantasies of cutting off my lady friend's head and storing it in the back of the freezer, behind the Gzhel and the sack of frozen broccoli. There was only one way to avenge this evil: celebrate March 8th with a whore. Not another newspaper whore from our page 23, but a whore picked from an open-air market. So hold on to your latex gloves, folks, cuz I'm a-gonna take you back to March 8th, that magical, enchanting holiday celebrating the mystery and gift of Women. Before we go there I want to take this opportunity to make an aside. Thank God there is no Women's Day holiday in America. I can imagine the layers of irony and suppressed desperation that such a holiday would bring out. The whole inter-gender sickness would gurgle out of the social sewer grill every year on cue: "Oh, I'm sooooo happy you're celebrating me. Tchya, as if." "This holiday is so sexist, you know? No, just kidding! I don't really give a shit about some stupid holiday, you know? I'm not into that whole PC thing?" "No, really, it's okay. Forget it, you know? It's not the holiday that I care about, it's just...forget it, nothing." But why do I torture us both, readers, with horrible reminders of the Repression? We're not in America. Let's move on with our lives. In Russia it's impossible to avoid Women's Day. I used to do the gentlemanly thing and call all the women in my life to wish them all the usual: chlamydia, breast cancer, cellulite... This year I was going for a clean slate. No phone calls. No women. Just a whore. Rudnitsky and I called a taxi at about 9:30 p.m. on Women's Day evening. I instructed the driver to take us to the nocturnal whore colonies that come out to feed on that block of Leninsky Prospekt between Oktyabrskaya metro and Gagarin Ploschad. "Going for sluts?" the burly driver asked. "Yes." The mission cheered our driver up - I always expect Russian taxi drivers to get nationalistic and protective over their womenfolk when I ask them to take me to whore markets, but the opposite is always true: they look at you as a real bloke and often go the extra mile for you. "I don't think you'll find anything on Leninsky now," he suggested. "We should go to the Moskva." "They're too expensive there," I said. He shrugged. We wasted a half hour trawling Leninsky before giving up and going to the Moskva. "I'm telling you, the only hope is the Moskva at this time," he said. "Okay, let's do it." There, a mamochka -- an over-the-hill whore in sweat pants, parka and cap -- waited near the former Dikii Loschad restaurant, bouncing just off the curb. She told us to follow a white Moskvich which was parked just ahead of us. We followed the Moskvich to the Lubyanka bus stop across from the FSB headquarters. The Moskvich stopped in front of a group of dirty Russian cars: one mini-van and two Ladas. This was the tochka. Another mamochka approached, this one younger and Asiatic. "We've got 70, 100 and 150," she said. "Which do you want to see?" "100," I said. Suddenly it was like that scene from the keystone cops: about thirty girls piled out impossibly from cars that should only hold a total of five, then lined up in a semi-circle before our headlights like trained dogs, or like slaves on an auction block. One girl looked enticing: a shy, extremely thin village girl with a big head, big eyes and a terrible hairdo. The problem was she looked too young and skittish. To get the whore-r story for this issue, I needed an older girl who'd been through the hard knocks, a girl with tales to tell. The rest of the 100-dollar line-up looked like something out of the Star Wars bar scene. "Let's see the 150's," I told the mamochka. She shooed the 100 girls back into the sardine pack. Would they be punished, ruined, hurt by the rejection? One should be horrified by the thought, yet for some reason, one got rather aroused. The 150s weren't much better. I chose a tall girl with long black hair and exotic Cossack eyes. Her red vinyl boots went up to her knees. Her name was Alla and she came from Kiev. Rudnitsky seemed to like her and I was wasted enough to listen to him. She must have some interesting whore-r stories to share. When I brought her to my apartment I asked her about the expected upcoming war in Iraq. "Do you think America has gone crazy?" I asked. "Do you think we're aggressive and arrogant, or do you think we have the right to take out Saddam Hussein?" "It is necessary to get rid of him," she said matter-of-factly. "So you support Bush and America?" "Of course," she said. "Hussein is terrible. Who needs people like that in the world?" "But most Russians think that America has gone crazy, turned aggressive." "Get rid of those people too." "Get rid of the Russians who oppose America's war?" "Of course, get rid of them. They complain about everything. They're not civilized." The only thing more exciting than a cute girl who advocates war and concentration camps is when said chick is a whore you've just purchased for the next several hours. On International Women's Day! But the joke was on me. After this auspicious opening, it was all downhill with Alla. She didn't want to drink. She had a bad attitude. When a whore doesn't drink, usually it means she's got a bad attitude. "When did you come out to Moscow?" I asked. "In December." "Did you work as a prostitute in Kiev as well?" "No." "So why did you come to Moscow?" "Work." "Is it better here than in Kiev?" "More money." "Do you miss Kiev?" "Yes." "You're not married?" "No." "How did you find out about the work here?" "A friend in Kiev who worked here told me about it." "Why did you need the money?" I asked. "It's personal. It's not pleasant. Has to do with Kiev." "Do you have a baby?" "No. I take care of my mother and younger sister. It's not pleasant." "Where's your father?" I asked. "I haven't seen him since I was six. Do I have to keep answering? Enough!" I'm starting to think, there's a pattern here when it comes to fathers and Warsaw Pact whores. I've always known that if I ever had children, I'd flee. The guilt would kill me, I can't lie. So the best thing is to not have a child, period. No child, no problem. But what if I had a child, a daughter, and I fled, and my abandoned daughter bloomed into a whore? Wouldn't that be a good thing, bringing joy to the lives of so many empty, exhausted, pathetic men incapable of love or intimacy? Shouldn't I feel pride, rather than guilt, if my daughter became a whore? Of course! Folks, I'm throwing out my condoms tomorrow. Delinquent fatherhood, here I come! Alla wanted to speed things up. She took her whore's bath and lay on my bed. She blew me with a condom. I barely felt it. We had sex. I don't remember much. I was as high as space shuttle dust, and my voice sounded like Froggy's, which made my interrogation of her difficult. Her body was thin and she had an advanced case of squishy whore flesh. She was 23, almost middle-aged by whore standards. She didn't need to do the swipe: her snapper was unusually moist for a prostitute. Which prompted me to ask her if she liked her job. She scowled. "Are you joking? I do it just for money. Who doesn't?" I groggily thought, "Geez, you could at least lie, Alla." I was too high to cum. I punished her for a good half hour or more, until she went dry. Then punished her some more. I thought about the holiday, the flower vendors charging double-price to the idiots, the grotesque TV shows. I thought about nothing. I thought about how long I'd be doing this. I tried to fuck her hard from behind but we weren't even generating hate sparks. I finally pooped out. It ended in a stalemate. All I really wanted was to be alone. So I sent her home early, to both our relief. As Women's Days go, it could have been a lot worse. But as whore-r stories go, it was a wash. Issue In #163 06 Apr 03 (2 years, 9 months old) Also in this Issue Less Is More: the Back-to-Basics Hagfish The Schopenhauer awards are not a beauty contest. And of all our nominees, the Hagfish is the most humble of all... Cafe Ass-ya Restaurant Review ASIA KAFE is an Uzbek cafe just opened in central Moscow... The Republican Guard Feature Story No, not the Iraqi one. We're talking about America's Republican Guard - proactive-war-mongering Republicans and their pundits... Death Porn BACK TO SCHOOL... TURKEY HUNT... EXTRA CREDIT... Your Letters SIC! THE PROPHET... USSA... SAINT SALNIKOV... WAR FAGS... PEDOFOOL... CURIOUSITY KILLED THE SVEN... The Doctor Diesel Test How easy would it be to give away the 23 cans sitting next to our refrigerator?... War Traditions byPepeLePew What we're seeing these days is the age-old story of the American army. They suck... Bardak Calendar Menlo Park... Jethro Tull... Khoroinko Orchestra... Cassius... April Fool's Day April Fool's Day in Moscow's English-language press... America Faces Israel Scenario byMarkAmes The Israel Scenario is already here for Americans. America's descent has just begun... Hours Lacks Hot Chicks Kino Korner byMarkAmes If you must go to the local theaters, then I have to review the movies they're showing... Death March II: the Nature Walk City Beat byJohnDolan Katherine and I decided to go on one of the Sunday "Nature Walks" mentioned in the Moscow Times... Fairytales for the Scared Stupid Book Review byJohnDolan I knew it would be a facile, opportunistic and untenable definitional/moral argument against "terrorism..."... Down We Go! War Nerd byGaryBrecher I'll start by saying what Bush and Rumsfeld won't: "I was wrong." It still blows me away that our brilliant leaders managed to turn Saddam's Army into an effective military force... The "Ne Ochen" Party Club Review byDenisSalnikov I should like to apologize to my readers for the fact that I did not appear at the eXile's party... Set Font This feature requires JavaScript. Other Formats Printer-friendly Plain Text Email Article Email address(es): Note: Affiliate Links By buying from these merchants, you help to support and enhance our online presence. 200 beautiful RussianBrides a week! Photo galleries, personal profiles, introduction services. Travel to Russia Visa support, hotels, train tickets, tours and cruises. See your message here! Write to web_adv at exile ru Interested in advertising? Write to the_exile at mail ru "the eXile". Tel: +7 (095) 795-3376 , fax: +7 (095) 245-1415 E-mail: office at exile ru (website-related issues: webperson at exile ru )
MySpace Page Editor
MyGen.co.uk - Version 2.5 - MySpace Profile Creator, Editor & Generator Create Profile Pre-Made Contact Tables Generators Tutorials Forum Auto-Login? You Are Here MyGen.co.uk Tutorials Flashplayer1 Sponsored Links Flash Music Player You want to put music on your profile, but you don't want just the one song, you want to give your viewers the option of listening to what they want? If that's what you want, then this is what you need! Note: This code assumes you understand about URL's and already have your music hosted ONLINE This really is quite simple. Firstly, this is how it will look on your profile: Note : These songs aren't real, they are merely to show you how it will appear on your profile! Cool, Huh? And the great thing is, it's a piece of cake to implement into your profile! First things first, you need to download the player and playlist file ( click here ~9kb ) The file is in .zip format, which requires WinZip to extract! Once you've downloaded and extracted the file, you will have two files, player.swf and playlist.xml . Open up playlist.xml in notepad, or whatever text editor you use. Edit the lines that appear like this: <song path="Song Link Here.mp3" title="Artist - Track" /> By putting the EXACT URL to your mp3 file in the "path" attribute, and then the Artist and Track name in the "title" attribute. NOTE: You cannot use the & symbol in the path or title, you should replace it with & or it will NOT work. Of course if you have more songs than there are lines in the xml file, you can add as many more as you like! NOTE: The songs MUST be valid CBR (Constant BitRate) MP3s . VBR MP3s, WMA, ASX/ASF etc... files WILL NOT WORK Now upload your completed playlist.xml file and player.swf to your webhost of choice. The URL to your files should look something like this: http://www.YourWebHost.com/player.swf http://www.YourWebHost.com/playlist.xml Use this code to place the player on your page. <embed src="http://pathto/player.swf" menu="false" quality="high" width="300" height="320" name="index" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer" flashvars="playList=http://pathto/playlist.xml&ShowPlaylist=1&ShowEQ=1&firstTrack=1&initVol=50" wmode="transparent" border="0" /> Change these values to your specific requirements. src - Set this to the EXACT URL of your player.swf file. playList - Set this to the EXACT URL of your playlist.xml file. ShowPlaylist - This controls whether the playlist is visible upon startup. 1 for yes, 0 for no. ShowEQ - This controls whether the equalizer is visible on startup. 1 for yes, 0 for no. firstTrack - Sets which track should be played initially. Setting 0 will turn autostart off. initVol - Sets the initial volume of the player. 0 (mute) to 100 (maximum) And that's that! You could even extend this further by putting the player in a DIV container, and absolutely positioning it anywhere on your page! [ home ] [ create ] [ pre-made ] [ generators ] [ tutorials ] [ myplaylist ] [ forum ] [ faq ] [ promote ] [ contact ] All original content on this site is legal property of MyGen.co.uk unless otherwise stated. We do not permit use of our content anwhere except on MyGen.co.uk, unless permission is first granted from us or the original content owner. © Rob Hall and Rocky Wilkins 2005 MyGen v2.5 - 17583444 Unique Visitors This page was created in 0.509 seconds Powered by phpBB & phpBB Fetch All
My Space Friends! THE
Myspace.com MySpace.com | Home The Web MySpace Help | SignUp Home | Browse | Search | Invite | Rank | Mail | Blog | Favorites | Forum | Groups | Events | Games | Music | Classifieds Videos | Directory | Search | Top Artists | Shows | Music Forums | Music Classifieds | Artist Signup Search By: Category Keyword Select Band Name Band Bio Band Members Influences Sounds like And/Or Genre: Any Genre 2-step A'cappella Acoustic Afro-beat Alternative Ambient Big Beat Black Metal Bluegrass Blues Breakbeat Christian Christian Rap Classic Rock Classical Club Comedy Country Death Metal Disco House Down-tempo Drum & Bass Dub Electro Electronica Emo Experimental Folk Folk Rock Funk Garage Glam Gothic Grindcore Grunge Happy Hardcre Hard House Hardcore Hip Hop House IDM Indie Industrial Jam Band Jazz Jungle Latin Lounge Metal New Wave Nu-Jazz Other Pop Pop Punk Post Hardcore Powerpop Progressive Progrsv House Psychedelic Psychobilly Punk R&B Rap Reggae Rock Rockabilly Screamo Shoegaze Ska Soul Southern Rock Surf Techno Thrash Trance Trip Hop Turntablism Location: Any Country Afghanistan Albania Algeria American Samoa Andorra Angola Anguilla Antarctica Antigua and Barbuda Argentina Armenia Aruba Australia Austria Azerbaijan Bahamas Bahrain Bangladesh Barbados Belarus Belgium Belize Benin Bermuda Bhutan Bolivia Bosnia and Herzegowina Botswana Bouvet Island Brazil British Indian Ocean Territory Brunei Darussalam Bulgaria Burkina Faso Burundi Cambodia Cameroon Canada Cape Verde Cayman Islands Central African Republic Chad Chile China Christmas Island Cocoa (Keeling) Islands Colombia Comoros Congo Cook Islands Costa Rica Cote Divoire Croatia (Hrvatska) Cuba Cyprus Czech Republic Denmark Djibouti Dominica Dominican Republic East Timor Ecuador Egypt El Salvador Equatorial Guinea Eritrea Estonia Ethiopia Falkland Islands (Malvinas) Faroe Islands Fiji Finland France France, Metropolitan French Guiana French Polynesia French Southern Territories Gabon Gambia Georgia Germany Ghana Gibraltar Greece Greenland Grenada Guadeloupe Guam Guatemala Guinea Guinea-Bissau Guyana Haiti Heard and Mc Donald Islands Honduras Hong Kong Hungary Iceland India Indonesia Iran (Islamic Republic of) Iraq Ireland Israel Italy Jamaica Japan Jordan Kazakhstan Kenya Kiribati Korea, Democratic Peoples R... Korea, Republic of Kuwait Kyrgyzstan Lao Peoples Democratic Repu... Latvia Lebanon Lesotho Liberia Libyan Arab Jamahiriya Liechtenstein Lithuania Luxembourg Macau Macedonia, The Former Yugos... Madagascar Malawi Malaysia Maldives Mali Malta Marshall Islands Martinique Mauritania Mauritius Mayotte Mexico Micronesia, Federated State... Moldova, Republic of Monaco Mongolia Montserrat Morocco Mozambique Myanmar Namibia Nauru Nepal Netherlands Netherlands Antilles New Caledonia New Zealand Nicaragua Niger Nigeria Niue Norfolk Island Northern Mariana Islands Norway Oman Pakistan Palau Panama Papua New Guinea Paraguay Peru Philippines Pitcairn Poland Portugal PuertoRico Qatar Reunion Romania Russian Federation Rwanda Saint Kitts and Nevis Saint Lucia Saint Vincent and the Grena... Samoa SanMarino Sao Tome and Principe Saudi Arabia Senegal Seychelles Sierra Leone Singapore Slovakia (Slovak Republic) Slovenia Solomon Islands Somalia South Africa SouthGeorgia and the South ... Spain Sri Lanka St. Helena St. Pierre andMiquelon Sudan Suriname Svalbard and Jan Mayen Islands Swaziland Sweden Switzerland Syrian ArabRepublic Taiwan Tajikistan Tanzania, United Republic of Thailand Togo Tokelau Tonga Trinidad and Tobago Tunisia Turkey Turkmenistan Turks and Caicos Islands Tuvalu Uganda Ukraine United ArabEmirates United Kingdom United States United States Minor Outlyin... Uruguay Uzbekistan Vanuatu Vatican City State(Holy See) Venezuela Viet Nam Virgin Islands (British) Virgin Islands (U.S.) Wallis and Futuna Islands Western Sahara Yeman Yugoslavia Zaire Zambia Zimbabwe N/A all myspace artists WE ARE SCIENTISTS WITH LOVE AND SQUALOR Rock / Indie Creating quite the stir in the UK of late, and with 3 self-released EPs already under their belts, NY-based trio We Are Scientists are more than ready to release their debut album Stateside next week. 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DJ in Residence: Boozoo Bajou NOW PLAYING Speech Soul / Alternative / Folk The Rosebuds Indie / Pop / Rock Morningwood Rock / Powerpop Soccermom New Wave / Punk / Surf Chocolate Thai Hip Hop / Rap Talib Kweli R&B / Soul Mighty Six Ninety Rock The Real Tuesday Weld Alternative / Indie / Rock About | FAQ | Terms | Privacy | Safety Tips | Contact Myspace | Promote! | Advertise ©2003-2006 MySpace.com All Rights Reserved.
MySpace Page Editor
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