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Whore Train

eXile - Issue #160 - Whore-R Stories - Whore-R Stories: the Sluts of Slutsk - By Mark Ames Moscow-based alternativenewspaper Search the eXile All Issues This Issue This Author This Column | Advanced Search... Email thousands of beautiful Russian Ladies! Home | Archive | Club Guide | Restaurant Guide | Songs | Field Guide To Moscow | Political Trading Cards | About Us Browse Column (19) Previous (1) Next (17) Whore-R Stories: the Sluts of Slutsk By Mark Ames ( editor at exile ru ) Browse Author (147) Previous (54) Next (90) I n the last issue, I made the claim that the line between a slut and a whore in Russia is rather blurred. In this, the second installment of Whore-R Stories, I'm going to examine the other side of the equation: The Slut. What better place to test the slut-whore-equation theory than in the Belorussian town of Slutsk. I nit you shot, folks. There really is such a town, located about 100 kilometers southwest of Minsk. Ever since my first and only visit to Belarus over five years ago, the land of Europe's last dictator has always held a special place in my heart (and other organs). Minsk, after all, is where I first discovered the White God Factor. But a provincial town with a name like Slutsk must have something much more than a White God factor - say, a Big Bang God Factor ... As a professional investigative journalist and veteran explorer of the FSU's hinterlands, I knew that fate, as well as desperation, would draw me to Slutsk and, like Stanley in the Congo, I'd report the exotic findings back to my readers. Only instead of bringing back shrunken heads, I hoped to bring back carefully preserved samples of chlamydia, smuggled on my person. The two-and-a-half hour bus ride from Minsk to Slutsk cost two dollars. On the outskirts of town there is a familiar cluster of 8 and 16-story paneli, Brezhnev-era housing projects, dirty white with blue or purple stripes straight down the elevator shaft. In the center of town the structures are smaller, a mix of pre-Revolutionary two- and three-story houses painted yellow, green and pink, side by side with Soviet concrete boxes. Slutsk is run by a Saiko. Literally. The head of the Slutsk city council, with its cookie-cutter Lenin statue out front, is named Saiko. Slutsk has one hotel, aptly named "Hotel Slutsk," on the main street, Ulitsa Lenina. There was fresh blue paint in the lobby. The elevator didn't work. I was given a room on the fourth floor. A single for $33, not exactly cheap. After wandering around town freezing my ass off for most of the afternoon while trying to get noticed, I took a rest in my hotel room then headed back out. It wasn't looking good. The two top restaurants were butt empty. I found a cafe that looked promising, slut-wise. Standing outside the entrance were two women - not girls, but women - bundled in cheap fur coats and hats. They smiled as I passed, and I said hello with a pronounced foreign accent. The cafe had only two patrons. One man was slumped in his chair; his friend scowled at me, one eye open. I sat at the far end and ordered 150 grams of cheap cognac. Just then, one of the women from outside the cafe entered, walked towards and then passed me, turned to leave, then turned around a second time and said to me, "We feel sorry for you being alone. Would you like to join us somewhere else?" "Sure," I said. "Meet us outside." She walked out. I downed as much of the cognac as I could take and asked the bartender, an aging woman, "Are all Slutsk girls this friendly?" "Only if the person is from out of town," she answered. I joined the two women outside the door. "That cafe was horrible, we couldn't even stand being in there," said the one who'd rescued me. Her name was Olga, and the other one was her younger sister, Yulia. They told me that there was a much better caf down the street with a better crowd. They were waiting to join a friend of theirs, Alla. We powerwalked along the ice as best we could to the next cafe, called V Dalee ot Zhyon, or Far Away From The Wives. It was crowded, packed mostly with young banditibees in black leather coats. A few had young girlfriends on their arms, cute ones too. Alla stood at the counter and ordered: a carafe of vodka, four crab and mayonnaise salads, sliced ham, bread, Sprite, and a bottle of Medvedovskaya Krov wine for Olga. Adding two more vodka carafes and other goodies, the whole bill came to nine dollars. I sat next to Olga, who told me that she'd spent the whole past week inside her apartment and that today, she'd decided to go out with her sister and Alla. I didn't really get a good look at Alla yet. Her face was either hidden in a full fur hood on the street, or she was at the bar giving endless orders. It wasn't until she took a seat directly across from me that I literally yelped, knocking into the table: her face looked exactly like the possessed witch in Army of Darkness, the same long shock of silver hair, a gray complexion, gnarled nose and a mouth full of metal teeth: "You shall never get the necronomicon! We shall feast upon your sooooooul..." I had to drink fast. It was clear that I was supposed to be paired up with Olga, who was passably attractive despite the complex wrinkles around and under her eyes. I stole glances at the mini-mafia molls, wondering to myself why I, considering my White God Factor, was stuck with a bunch of old hags, and whether I should try my luck elsewhere. But there was no elsewhere. Olga was thirty-three years old. She told me she'd been to Poland many times, and had recently been to Moscow. Her sister Yulia was twenty-seven. She was one of three sisters and two brothers in the family. I asked Yulia if all Slutsk families were so big, five children, not exactly the norm in modern Russia. "Yeah, we're all like this. I know a family of ten. There's nothing else to do." Yulia said she'd worked for six years as a dancer at Stary Zamok, the town's top restaurant. I assume that meant she was a whore, if the distinction matters. She seemed both proud and unhappy about having been a dancer there -- "It's the best restaurant in Slutsk" -- after six years, she had nothing to show, and now she worked in a factory. That's how she met Alla. Alla told me that the owners of the cafe respected her because just the night before, she'd found her "man" there with three other women and she beat the shit out of him and one of his lovers who hadn't managed to escape. "I beat him unconscious," she said, brandishing her fist and laughing. "You shouldn't mess with me. That bastard. I did everything for him. I worked and put a roof over his head, and he goes and takes three lovers." None of this was helping my mojo: aging women, a haunt who doubled as a man-beater, images of Alla having sex with some unemployed, salo-fattened prole, and him with his three lovers... Alla told me she'd once beaten the shit out of Yulia. That's how they became friends. Yulia lived in the same podezd as Alla. And Yulia carried on an affair with Alla's then-boyfriend. Alla found out, stalked Yulia, and stomped her. After that, they became friends. To prove it, they kissed like a pair of football players, smacking loudly but very un-sexually. Olga quietly emptied the bottle of Bear's Blood next to me. She was amazed that I was American. "I've known Polacks," she said. "I thought you were a Caucasian. You seemed nice and handsome, a foreigner, so I decided we should rescue you from the club." The night starts to get blurry here. I pushed myself to go on until the bitter end, to get the story. But the cheap liquor, the travel and cold suddenly put a sleeping spell on me. I remember we stumbled across the road to Stary Zamok, but it had closed early for lack of a single client -- on a Thursday night! They led me to some kind of second-floor club with a bar and a small disco. All I remember is ordering the worst pelmeni of my life, and eating it. Then stealing some of Yulia's horrific fried meat balls -- tongue meat in a brown chewy foam-like batter. I was burping up bad pelmeni meat into Olga's face as she tried to keep the mojo going. "I smell your pelmeni." "I know." "You want to sleep, don't you?" I was sound asleep in my chair for most of the rest of the evening, I mean deep REM sleep, until they mercifully decided to leave. Olga pulled me away from the other two and walked me downstairs. "You want to stay with me at my place, don't you?" she said. "Yes, I want to stay at your place," I said. She bundled me into a taxi, and I passed out again. Then awoke in the projects. We rode the elevator up to her apartment. A mountain bike blocked the door -- she moved it aside -- and in the first room next to the entry hall, I noticed the head of a young teenager, the Bobby Brady of Belarus, resting on a pillow. He told Olga that "he" had called a few times. "He" turned out to be her "man," as she called him, a Czech businessman who was part husband, part sponsor. Olga closed the door to her son's bedroom, which probably doubled as the TV room as well, and whispered to me, "My man feels that I'm with someone. Men can sense these things. You understand?" "Yeah, I understand," I said, stung, because for the most part men don't understand. She called her "man" on her phone, while I crashed on her bed, a double made out of two twins pushed together covered with a pink comforter. Olga woke me up and asked me if I wanted to take a shower. "No." She came back again what seemed like hours later with a towel. "Go take a shower," she said. I snapped the towel and lifted myself up. I couldn't pass out here. Good money had been sunk into the Slutsk expedition. And here I was, in the slut's very own habitat, as close to the kill as anyone could hope to be. The eXile's shareholders would never forgive me if I copped out now. She took her obligatory pre-sex dyev shower after seeing mine through. I kept myself awake by trying to record the details of her bedroom. It was modestly luxurious by early 90s Warsaw Pact standards. She had a gaudy pink light fixture, a kind of mini-chandelier with pink glass orchids and various blooming lamp pedals. Above the dresser mirror was a collection of German hair styling spray bottles. They must be hard to find in Slutsk -- I remember Czechs and Poles displaying their Western cans of spray and soft drinks in the early 90s. Olga also had large posters of scantily-clad women on her walls, including one in a bikini thong whose figure had been cut out from the rest of the poster and glued to the wall. When Olga returned I pounced. She wasn't what I'd expected: instead of the lumpy, smelly, sweaty body of a typical aging provincial slut, she was thin, much prettier with all her clothes off, with something of Meg Ryan's mouth (not that I like Meg Ryan) and a fashionable mom hairdo. The other surprise was how dry her snapper was. I remember what Dr. Limonov had written about older women's pussies -- "like glue" -- it was one of the reasons why he "gave advices" to "throw away older wife, get yourself young teenage girl." Her small breasts had large No. 2 pencil eraser nipples, but no matter what tricks I tried pulling out of my bag, her snapper was like cloth, like putting your fingers between worn leather cushions on an old couch. "It's been so long since I've been with a man," she told me. I tried to close the deal, but it wasn't working. "I'll get some cream," she said. She stood up and opened a drawer in her dresser. God knows how I managed to maintain wood during this -- I'm not happy about it, believe me. She squirted some cream into her hand and worked it into her gluey snapper. That made things marginally better. Finally I worked my way in. But for all my effort I didn't get much pleasure and nothing close to an orgasm. I passed out after - maybe five minutes, maybe thirty, maybe an hour, I really have no idea. Early the next morning I awoke with a rancid hangover and a mouth nearly as dry as her pussy. The neighbors upstairs were stomping around. "Let me put on some music," she said. She played some kind of Italian pop cassette on her box. "I've had a problem with my neighbors ever since I moved here," she said. "They don't work. They're both alcoholics. They wake up every morning at six and stomp around loudly. It used to be worse. They'd put on some kind of hard soles and stomp loudly on their wooden floor. I called the militia on them. It only made them angrier. So I went upstairs and demanded that they not wake me up at 6am. I screamed. They're a couple, in their forties, with a 16-year-old boy. They were rude, so I forced my way in and beat the hell out of both of them. They were so drunk, and I was angry. Alla's not the only one - I can do that too." It was hard to imagine Olga like Alla -- in the morning she appeared, in spite of her sandpaper snapper, even prettier. "I bought them carpeting. They took it. It's much better now, but it's still unbearable, isn't it?" "It's pretty loud," I agreed. It was hard to imagine that there was carpeting muffling their shoes -- it must have sounded like a construction site before. "I tried everything. I tried being nice. I brought back chocolates from Brno when I visited my man. The 16-year-old upstairs loved them too much. He called me a later and said, 'Those chocolates were so good. If you don't bring me more of those chocolates soon, I'm really going to make a racket upstairs, and much earlier than ever.'" "You should have told him that if he ever threatened you again, he'd never see another Czech chocolate in his life," I said. "I did. I told him, 'Who the hell do you think you are, you little bastard?! I should come up there and tear you to pieces. You're threatening me?! Forget the chocolates! If I ever see you..." " -- Okay, I see," said, interrupting her. These Slutsk girls...someone should hustle them in mud wrestling competitions. I asked her about her "man." They'd met a year and a half ago. She took a job in a factory in Brno, working on a line, tying ribbons around packages of paper napkins. "I had financial difficulties, I had to find work," she said. The owner of the factory walked the floor one day and spotted Olga. "He saw me, pulled me off the line, told me he didn't want to subject me to such work ever again, and said he'd fallen in love. Just like that. I wasn't so sure. He's almost 50. He's an older man, with a stomach." So I'm not the only one acting out Count Tolstoi fantasies. The Czech understood the true advantage of running a sweatshop using cheap Slavic labor: that stroll down the factory line, inspecting the women workers, rating them, fantasizing about how desperate they are, and finally, choosing whichever one he wanted to "rescue," acting out some 19th century European fantasy. "He wants me to move to Brno, but I don't want to," Olga said. "My son, I want him to stay in school here. He also wants me to move to Moscow, where's he's considering opening up another factory. Assembling furniture and other stuff. I went to Moscow with him a few months ago. There's a Czech mafia in Moscow. We all went out for dinner and a long night at the casino: me, my man, the Czech mafia and the local Russian mafia who would be the krysha for his factory. At the end of the night, most of them had left their phone numbers in my purse. I was so surprised when I saw what they'd done. Of course I didn't tell my man. It would just upset him." Olga had married and birthed her son when she was nineteen. Her first husband was an Army type and a loser. He always wanted to punish the boy. They divorced after five years. The boy didn't want to see his father -- he was happy to have him out of his life. The father moved to Minsk. They saw each other once every year or two. Olga's own family were sluchyaninie on her mother's side, Siberians on her father's. Her grandmother told her about the Nazi occupation of Slutsk. "Most of the time the Nazis were okay. My grandmother and grandfather lived out in their dacha. The Germans would come back and say, 'Ekks!' They wanted eggs and food. My grandma said they were polite and paid for everything. Then they went crazier. Once they locked up as many people from the village as they could fit inside a barn and set it on fire. My grandmother heard the screams." "Wasn't Slutsk a Jewish town before the Nazis came?" "Yes, there were many Jews here. The Nazis killed all of them." "Are there any left?" "Not that I know of." Her parents both worked in the railroads. Her father was a signal man. Now he's an invalid. About two years ago he'd injured his leg badly in a railroad track accident and didn't get proper treatment for it. Being the hardy peasant type, he didn't complain as it got worse. Then it turned green and black. "He got gangrene. They had to amputate it. Now he doesn't want to live. He tells me that he wants to die and not be a burden to us. The gangrene may have spread to his other leg. He may have to have it amputated soon." I asked about Belorussian medical insurance, the one I was forced to purchase through the hotel as a tourist. "Ha! What medical insurance! You're on your own here. Actually the burden is all on my shoulders. Everyone barely survives. My man helps out a lot. It's one reason why I'm with him. He's good for my son, for my family. He helps with so much." Issue In #160 20 Feb 03 (2 years, 10 months old) Also in this Issue Adventures in Real Estate byMichaelAndrews It's getting towards the end of the month, and since my rent comes due, it's time to step up the search... Tapochki "A Health Threat" -Ministry Russia's Health Ministry finally admitted that "tapochki," or slippers, do not help to illnesses... Your Letters SIC! A TOTAL DUMBSHIT... FELCH-AN-HOUR... PLAYING WITH DONG... NECKING... DORK-U-MENTARY... Remedial Slander: Bhutan A low-oxygen entry taking up one-eighth cranial page... The Two Faces of Fred: A Journalistic Moral Tale Press Review byPhilbyBurgess Journalists are wonderful creatures in many ways, but on reflection I think it's their utter lack of self-awareness which most impresses me... Wilhelm Klink Invades Eastern-Front Real Estate Market Posing as a German consultant, we contacted Penny Lane Realty to see what it would take to get Comrade Andropov's apartment... Introducing the Schopenhauer Award! We're proud to present a new feature that will entertain and educate you, the knowledge-hungry eXhole!... Let 'Em Send Me to the Bughouse Again! Feature Story byDarZhutayev It's a quiet night here, by Shchukinskaya metro station. If you look out the window, you can see the twin towers of the swanky Aliye Parusa apartment complex... Bardak Calendar The Residents... Night Life Awards... Salvation Army Band... Slade And Sweet... Alisa... Death Porn WHEN THE CAT'S AWAY, THE MICE WILL DIE... THE BABYSITTER... NOBODY LIKES ME... MEANWHILE, IN PODMOSKOVIE... Appointments Receptionist... Maid... Personal Assistant... Driver... Security Guard... The Schmaltz Ghetto Book Review Some genres consist of one good book followed by thousands of disastrous failures... One Of Us Is Wrong Kino Korner byMarkAmes I've never gone out on a limb or exposed my hard-earned reputation to such total destruction as I will this issue... Social Awkwardness Among the Red Flags City Beat byJohnDolan Last Saturday your intrepid Ace City Beat Reporter set out for the antiwar demonstration at the American Embassy... Algeria: The Psychos Will Inherit the Earth War Nerd byGaryBrecher Some wars make it onto the TV news, and some don't. It's got nothing to do with how bloody or big they are... Fit to Print? In New York? byJakeRudnitsky It isn't every day you catch a journalist blowing their own lie. I'm talking about incontrovertible evidence, a smoking gun... Dork-A-Rama Club Review byDenisSalnikov A week ago Thursday, a group of my friends gathered at JUSTO's for sushi and cocktails... Temple's Prayers Answered Restaurant Review byKevinHooper For my final eXile review, I was invited to taste a brand new bar/pub/restaurant, TEMPLE BAR... The Medvedeva Woman byThierryMarignac The Medvedeva woman was impossible as everybody knows. She was prone to bouts of drunkedness, fits of hysteria, you name it... Set Font This feature requires JavaScript. Other Formats Printer-friendly Plain Text Email Article Email address(es): Note: Affiliate Links By buying from these merchants, you help to support and enhance our online presence. 200 beautiful RussianBrides a week! Photo galleries, personal profiles, introduction services. Travel to Russia Visa support, hotels, train tickets, tours and cruises. See your message here! Write to web_adv at exile ru Interested in advertising? Write to the_exile at mail ru "the eXile". Tel: +7 (095) 795-3376 , fax: +7 (095) 245-1415 E-mail: office at exile ru (website-related issues: webperson at exile ru )



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Ooze Magazine yyyy OOZE MAGAZINE PROUDLY PRESENTS ITS ON-GOING PROJECT: OOZETV VIDEOS! 8 new films! BACK ISSUES 1994-2002 The Sex Issue 50 Years of Ooze THE FINGER Science Fiction Foreigners Teens Xmas Back-to-School Slime Issue Traveling with Ooze ...and more Order Crap Great Price THE FINGER: A Comprehensive Guide to Flipping Off - We wrote it $10 Ooze T-shirts-$10 Ooze Stickers-$1 Disco Jesus shirts and posters-$4 + $10 PRANKS THE FORCE IS A TOOL OF SATAN If George Lucas makes the 7th Sequel to Star Wars - we all die! EL CULO NEGRO for Vice President Our unsuccessful bid to run a Mexican wrestler on the Democratic ticket. PWEETA - People Who Enjoy Eating Tasty Animals We want you to EAT MORE MEAT! About Ooze Who is Ooze? See their compromising photos, and their even more compromising biographies. Live Shows Ooze performs LIVE in Los Angeles and other cities- just not right now. Look here for reviews of past performances, new bookings, and more. Or you can book 'em yourself . THE FINGER: A Great Gift Book Ever wonder who was the first person to flip someone off? I bet you didn't know if happened more than 2500 years ago. THE FINGER is a gift that keeps on giving special love for as long as the paper isn't rotting in a dumpster. GREAT GIFT! Get it from Ooze . Get it from Amazon . FREE ipod Nano! Or Mini Mac! Or a flatscreen The latest in internet marketing scams that even WIRED can't pinpoint quite how it works, but it does . We got a FREE IPOD in time for Xmas. Do Ooze a favor and click those top links and sign up for something you can cancel. PLEASE! Smell the Brussels Sewer! Get Ooze Updates! Want oozing hi-larity delivered to your very own electronic mailbox? Who doesn't? Get the latest word on where Ooze is performing, and when new stuff appears on this very website. Just send us a message that says: I WANT OOZE! subscribeme@ooze.com Search All of Ooze Find: Search the Buttload of Ooze Search: All Products Apparel Baby Beauty Books DVD Electronics Home Gourmet Food Health Care Watches Kitchen Magazines Instruments Music Computers Camera & Photo Software Outdoors Tools Toys & Games VHS Video Games Cell Phones Enter keywords... Ooze Wants You To Search for Amazon Products! THIS IS THE ONLY WAY WE MAKE $! The Sewer Tour is Sponsored in part by Justin Hall's links.net . Justin held a contest in March where we won a round-trip ticket to anywhere in the world for our sewer tour. Thanks! MDT COMMUNICATIONS gave us one of their international cell phones they rent out to people in the Los Angeles area . web ooze.com DinGLE BLOG The Dingleberrys have a new blog over on myspace . Follow their fortnightly adventures as three giant animals try to make their way through the LA Rock Scene and Become Famous . They are retarded. note : you can now JOIN our new RSS feed and submit crap that's yours or that you find somewhere. GO NOW! NEW RSS FEED! - YOU CAN JOIN oozeTV has a new sibling - the oozeTV RSS feed ! Take a peek. Right now there are two ALL-NEW videos up there (and not here) ROBOTS GONE WILD and ALIEN SEX PARTY . Got any videos you want to share? Anyone can link stuff in our Odd Video Collection. After 11 years of not listening to you, Ooze suddenly CARES . HOLLYWOOD SEX TOUR VIDEO Ooze convinces seven unsuspecting tourists in Hollywood to get into a van with us for two hours to see where celebrity scandals happened. We visit the toilet where cops caught George Michael jerking off, the alley Eddie Murphy picked up a foot fetishist cross dresser, where Hugh Grant got his money for his infamous blow job and much much more. Real tour operators felt so threatened they tried to bust us for operating a tour without a licence! See it on OOZETV FREE ipod Nano! Get one, bitch. It's a pyramid scheme that works. Last year I got a free ipod. This year, I want a Nano. You just sucker five friends and yourself to sign up for stupid stuff, and they ship you this thing. I SWEAR. Ooze Editor's L.A. Movie Premeire Ooze Editor MJ Loheed premieres his feature film, FREEZE OUT at the Westwood Film Festival on Sun. Oct. 12 -10:30 pm at the Crest Theatre. It's a comedy about people so into poker, they lose track of the important things in life - like lying to your friends, having sex and cheating - but instead play poker. Or is it the other way around? 1262 Westwood Blvd. LA. The Cast includes Real Celebrities! Click on the link above to find out more or listen to MJ on the radio talking about the movie. IGN.COM Star Wars is Evil Film Mortimer Fontaine of toolofsatan.org was recently spotted on video talking about the Evil of Star Wars to the Mega Gaming Site Now Owned By Fox. Best explanation of the Soul Destroying Nature of Star Wars caught on film. Click the fat face at the bottom to watch. thedingleberrys.com The Dingleberrys are the #1 Band in the World. Their website has a song and video on it, with more to come along with a myspace page! All the Kids like the Dinglberrys Rock! Make them your MYSPACE friends. (They don't have any except for that guy everyone gets) TAP TREK.com You gotta see Tap Trek . Why? Star Trek . Tap Dance . Need I say more? In this new video, the crew of the USS Shufflin' Foot fights Abraham Lincoln for control of the UNIVERSE ! R2-DEMON2 Shirts! Sizes Medium Large Extra Large $17.99 includes domestic shipping People are Stupid Millions of people have visited Tool of Satan , and that's just swell. But this time, (as opposed to 1999) not only do we get reams of hate mail for an obvious joke (many many clues) - we have the world of blogs to peruse. Blogs that post their "thoughts" - and when they finally figure out it's a joke, get to post more. Usually they think it's a bad joke, since they didn't get it themselves. I guess they missed the point. They are the joke. Mostly because people mouth off without thinking. Way too many links to post, so just go to google and look up "toolofsatan" or "r-2-demon-2" and see for yourself. STAR WARS PROTEST GIFT BAGS People have gone super nutty on Tool of Satan . There is even an ebay auction selling the "tools" Target Gift Bags (for very little.) Read about that and more in our very functional Tool of Satan Forums . (new) STAR WARS PROTEST We protest the new Star Wars (again). basically we went to the opening of Star Wars and passed out these flyers . People freaked. See new hyper-christian pamphleteering at the Tool of Satan . Pointless Message Board Talk crap about whatever you want. I set this up so Ooze readers can make their own content for each other and I don't have to. Ooze Message Board . Café Press Deletes "Offensive" Material Citing potential riots, Cafe Press officially removed all "I (heart) Niggers" and "I lIke Kikes" merchandise from the Ooze Store. We adhere to our stand that these shirts are Peace Loving and not racist or offensive. Sadly, it was also our best selling item. If you do like them , please write to us and we'll put you on a list. We're printing a bunch up ourselves! FREE Mini Mac! Get Yours Here!. This internet marketing scams works! We got a FREE IPOD in time for Xmas. Even WIRED can't pinpoint how it works, but it does. Do Ooze a favor and click the top link and sign up for something you can cancel. (SIGN UP for the infone one - it requires a credit card, but does not charge you!) Then you can get a free computer too. Chompo's Lost Lunch One-eye dogs, rainbows, unicorns, and corruption at the highest levels. Ooze's latest family entertainment bonanza is finally finished. 30 pages of doggie fun . Buy Ooze Stuff We've completely revamped the order page -making it much easier to read - and added a whole bunch of new items to t he Cafe Press Shoppee . It has to be seen to be believed. Color Jesus T's, Baby with Fork in Head infantwear, an I (heart) Nigger teddy bear (and T-Shirt), I Like Kikes bumper stickers, and lots and lots of Chompo stuff. Buy Chompo Stuff Visit Chompo's Shoppee and get t-shirts, undie-pants, lunch boxes and more. CHOMPO SCHWAG for XMAS! chompo.com Ooze's popular one-eyed dog, Chompo, now has her own website at chompo.com . This is a no-toothed Chompo fest filled with pictures, videos, animations, stories, and Chompo Merchandise. The Flash Storybook™ Chompo's Lost Lunch is a tour d' force of storytelling - with a cliffhanger ending! Obey the iFilm OBEY THE SIGNS... AND LIVE! is now featured on ifilm . Why see it on a Big Website when you can see it here with out all the crappy ads? It'll be bigger, faster, and put less of a load on our servers and will make us feel cool when lots of people see it and knock on our e-door and make us rich and famous. George Bush "Flip-Off" See the President Flip the Bird LATE BREAKING FINGER NEWS When George Bush was Governor of Texas he gave the camera a "One-Fingered Salute" before going on the air. While Bush may not have been the Commander-in-Chief at the time, this video is historically significant because the highest ranking U.S. official caught flipping someone off previously was Vice-President Nelson Rockefeller in 1975. Mr. Rockefeller was thought to be in the first stages of dementia at the time and died two years later. The same thing could be argued about Bush, but two years later he was made President. (1.1 mb) In July 2004, a protestor reported that Mr. Bush had given HIM the finger, but alas no camera caught the offending gesture. Ooze at Los Angeles (area)Film Festival The Century City Film Festival is sort of proud to present OBEY THE SIGNS... AND LIVE! on the big screen in... Hollywood. Why see it on the Big Screen when you can see it for free online? It'll be, BIGGER, and will make us feel better when you laugh and the rest of the audience is horrified. Want this film in your festival? Event is Over Ooze Guy on 1010 WINS The Finger New York news radio reports on the Finger in america and talks to MATT PATTERSON. (1.5 meg mp3 file) Ooze Guy on NPR This American Life Eddie Schmidt whores out his family to Ira Glass on "This American Life." Ed talks about a piece of cheese that cost his parents $10,000. My Brother's Wedding OOZETV Do you care ? My brother got married and I happened to hold the video camera. I figured I worked on it enough, I might as well share it with the world... IRAQI PRISON SCANDAL PHOTOS Abu Ghraib Photo Shocker Due to the Freedom of Information Act, Ooze has received some shocking new photos of further abuse by the Army on Iraqi prisoners . SEVEN NEW FILMS OOZETV Haven't been to Ooze in a while? See SEVEN new OozeTV episodes. Dildos, Priests, Dogs, NEW CULO NEGRO FOOTAGE, Signs, and the scariest Cream Pie Fight you'll ever see . NEW "award winning" FILM OBEY THE SIGNS ... AND LIVE! Fresh from TROMADANCE 2004 , Ooze's travesty of filmmaking is available for download. Rules exist for a reason, and signs quickly and effectively tell you what to do. If you don’t obey the signs, you could die ...or worse. Le Journál d' Sewer Ooze visited Foreign Parts investigating sewer tours in 10 European cities. Why would anyone want to visit a filthy poo canal? That's what we wanted to know too, since each of these cities has some sort of tour or museum dedicated to sewerage open to the public. To see our regular Humorous Pieces access The Sex Issue or any of our other Back Issues including the World Famous site, THE FINGER where you can read excerpts and order copies of the GREATEST BOOK EVER WRITTEN. Our Plan Why are we going into some of the World's Filthiest Places? Because we can! Read our plan and what you can expect to see if you come back. Rip roaing adventurous fun. (updated) Planning Your Own Sewer Tour Want to waltz through the rivers of waste like Ooze? We've given you all the information you need to see the murk of 12 cities. There's other stuff (like culture and buildings) at these places too, but who cares? © 2003, 1994 - 2003 Ooze Magazine All Rights Reserved



MYSPACE CODES RINGTONES AIM

Myspace Codes - Myspace Themes Next Event: January 13 Prescott, Arizona, Details soon. Salazar Brothers on sale now Get it online right here . - or at the iTunes Music Store Also at: Zia Records, Stinkweeds , and Hooligans. T-Shirts now on sale online Get them now in the new RC Online Store. Enter your email address for updates NEWS FORUM STORE MUSIC VIDEO PHOTOS LYRICS PRESS REVIEWS BAND BIO CONTACT LINKS UPCOMING EVENTS January 13th Freakers Ball Prescott, Arizona Details TBA January 27th The Sets Tempe, Arizona Details TBA February 11th Simply Noodles Mesa, Arizona Details TBA STREET TEAM R.C. is looking for dedicated fans to help get the word out, in exchange for special access to things only available to RC street team members. Want to join? CLICK HERE IN THE NEWS July 2005 AZHardCoreMetal.com review of Salazar Brothers Read it >> June 2005 Salazar Brothers reviewed in the Phoenix New Times Read it >> June 2005 Rising Conviction interviewed by S.L.A.M. Magazine Read it >> October 2004 AZHardCoreMetal interview Read it >> R.C. ON MYSPACE: Add us to your friend list: myspace.com/risingconviction SALAZAR BROTHERS HOUSE OF THE RISING SUN A WAR OF GHOSTS PROMOTION MYSPACE CODES RINGTONES AIM ICONS DESKTOPS FLIER ARCHIVE PODCASTS Reaching for Lucidity Rising Conviction Special > Episode featuring RC 12> Episode featuring RC 11> Episode featuring RC 10> Episode featuring RC 9> Episode featuring RC 8> Episode featuring RC 7> Episode featuring RC 6> Episode featuring RC 5> Episode featuring RC 4> Episode featuring RC 3> Episode featuring RC 2> Episode featuring RC 1> Podcast Website>> Closet Geek Show Episode featuring RC> Podcast Website> Videogamenews Episode featuring RC> Podcast Website> DreamStation.cc Episode featuring RC> Podcast Website> BandTrax Episode featuring RC> Podcast Website> Unsigned Podcast Episode featuring RC> Podcast Website> Aardvarks Nest Episode featuring RC 2> Episode featuring RC 1> Podcast Website> R.C. ON INTERNET RADIO LIMELIGHT RADIO ZONARADIO HARDRADIO.COM MONSOONRADIO RISING CONVICTION ON: PODSAFE NETWORK iSOUND.COM NUMBERONE MUSIC MIXPOSURE PUREVOLUME MYSPACE MUSIC U.M.N. GARAGEBAND.COM SOUNDCLICK.COM HXCMP3 RATESUMMUSIC.COM CLEARCHANNEL NETWORK RISING CONVICTION MYSPACE CODES AND THEMES Codes for your myspace page, and myspace themes. If there is anything you want to have us make, support us and ask for it and it will be done... Myspace Codes Post this in a: Comment / Bulletin / Profile: Salazar Brothers Online Store This is just a link to the place where people can listen to samples of and buy our album, Salazar Brothers online. Right click and 'save as' to download these files. http://www.risingconviction.com myspace code | myspace Flash Banner This is a flash banner that will work in most html places and ANY myspace text area. Right click and 'save as' to download these files. RC Media 468x60 myspace code | myspace new Myspace Backgrounds Myspace Backgrounds and codes. Copy and paste this code into your profile somewhere, and it should work. Right click and 'save as' to download these files. Background 1 myspace code | preview | myspace Background 2 myspace code | preview | myspace Background 3 myspace code | preview | myspace Background 4 myspace code | preview | myspace Background 5 myspace code | preview | myspace Background 6 myspace code | preview | myspace Background 7 myspace code | preview | myspace Background/Theme 8 myspace code | preview | myspace Background/Theme 9 myspace code | preview | myspace Email List Generation Link This code works in HTML or on MySpace. Right click and 'save as' to download code files if they do not open in a new window as code.. MailingListPop view | link code | myspace Email List Form Code This code can be use in either HTML or on MySpace to put an email signup form field right on there. It works very well in myspace bulletins and emails. Right click and 'save as' to download code files if they do not open in a new window as code.. Mailing List Form Code form code | myspace Current Flier The location of the flier never changes, so you only have to put this link in a place once and it will always update to the next show. This code works in HTML or on MySpace. Right click and 'save as' to download code files if they do not open in a new window as code. Current Flier view | embed code | myspace Audio Send these to everyone, or link them up anywhere you can think of. These are free, so give them to everyone. Right click and 'save as' to download these files. Shiver link code | myspace codes | myspace Shudder link code | myspace codes | myspace Skin link code | myspace codes | myspace Want updates on new myspace codes? You should Check this out: Click here, since you obviously have the time "...one of the best albums to come out this year." - Reaching for Lucidity Podcast "With its new disc Salazar Brothers ... Rising Conviction takes astep toward being in Ozzfest someday." - Phoenix New Times " Salazar Brothers blends elements of rock, hardcore and metal together to make smooth and dynamic music that will appeal to more than just one genre of music." - azhardcoremetal.com Download the full album for $9.99 right here Don't have iTunes? It's free 1. Shiver album only $.99 Download 2. Shudder Lo-fi | Lyrics $.99 Download 3. Odd Prime Lo-fi | Lyrics $.99 Download 4. Congratulations album only $.99 Download 5. Badger Lo-fi | Lyrics $.99 Download 6. Skepticit Lo-fi | Lyrics $.99 Download 7. Incriminating Downfall Lo-fi | Lyrics $.99 Download 8. Middle of the End Lo-fi | Lyrics $.99 Download 9. Plastic Traffic album only $.99 Download 10. Burden Lo-fi | Lyrics $.99 Download 11. Suffocate Lo-fi | Lyrics $.99 Download 12. Anne Lo-fi | Lyrics $.99 Download 13. Skin Lo-fi | Lyrics $.99 Download 14. House of the Rising Sun Lo-fi | Lyrics $.99 Download 15. The Trinity Lo-fi | Lyrics $.99 Download 16. Ultrasharpe Backstab Lo-fi | Lyrics $.99 Download 17. A War of Ghosts Lo-fi $.99 Download Get Salazar Brothers online: Buy the CD Online: Amazon.com CDBaby.com Towerrecords.com Bandtrax.net Digital Download & Subscription Sites: iTunes Music Store Yahoo Music MusicIsHere.com MusicNet@aol Virgin Digital FYI Download Zone Cdigix Ctrax RCN Music Ringtones (for AT&T, Cingular, Sprint & T-Mobile only) Shudder - $.99 Badger - $.99 Skin - $.99 Salazar Brothers in stores: Arizona Zia Record Exchange Find a location near you Hoodlums Music Arizona State Univ. Tempe, AZ 85287 Stinkweeds Music 1250 E. Apache #109 Tempe AZ 85281 Idaho CDWorld 2820 S. 2500 E. Idaho Falls, Idaho 83404 Phone 208-522-7826 Questions?



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