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Confessions of a consumer whore: Mr. Rei's PSP review | The Corporation @ Corpnews.com The Corporation @ Corpnews.com Lying About Games Since Forever Home Confessions of a consumer whore: Mr. Rei's PSP review Submitted by Mr. Rei on Fri, 04/01/2005 - 10:04am. It's fucking pink . The PSP runs on the same OS as the PSX entertainment unit. Every goddam month the backround colour of the OS changes. It's April 1st right now, and I'm staring at a series of white lines waving slowly over a pink backround, good god it's like accessing files on a cotton candy-coated vagina. March was a pistachio-ish green. It's been a week, give or take a few hours since I brought my PSP home from the mall. I had located a cache of old, dust-covered PSX games and DVDs under my bed and behind my closet, not really caring to play ancient games like Crash Bandicoot and Bushido Blade 2 again, I decided to put them to good use in what I call: "The Grand Circle Of Budget Gaming"; wherein old, shitty games are sold in exchange for new, better games. I wound up getting the system, Lumines, Wipeout Pure and Ridge Racer. Ridge Racer never came in so I grabbed God of War instead. So sitting in the kitchen of my house, I carefully opened the box. You know those first few minutes of opening up a console system? The veritable rollercoaster of emotions is practically identical among all veteran console gamers. I love every part of it, pulling off that foam-like wrapping, undoing twist ties, examining every little component with excurtiating detail. The system is slick, but I don't know anyone who doesn't handle it like a fabrege egg. It's all black, with some silver around the sides, and the PSP logo on the back. The front is covered with a plastic shield, this is where the first two most noticable PSP problems are idenfitied. It scratches, and it smudges. The DS and GBA SP have clamshell designs, this is because while it's meant to be carried around and banged around... It's being carried around and banged around, the clamshell design of the Nintendo handhelds prevents people from running up to you covered in broken glass and scratching your precious screen with their blood and sharp edges. Bastards I say. Your PSP is unprotected from the harsh world, like a 300 dollar turtle without a shell. No matter how clean your hands are, you'll leave fingerprints all over this thing, god help you if you murder someone, because Gil Grissom will just demand you hand over your PSP so he can compare it to the bat you used to bash that hookers head in. Doesn't matter if it's David Caruso, he won't ask for your PSP.. He'll just know . So, invest in a 3.99 pack of screen protectors. The system comes with a tiny cloth, the kind you use to clean glasses with, cherish it. Also included is a pair of headphones with a shitty little remote on them, a wrist strap so you can look unbelievably feminine with the strap around your wrist as you play Lumines, a sleeve to keep your PSP in, which it should ALWAYS BE IN if you're not using it, and your standard 32 MB memory stick. It holds absolutely NOTHING, I can encode a music video and an maybe a dozen photos. Sadly I'll have to plop down 70 bucks for a 512 MB card before I can begin watching episodes of House on the train. They were also nice enough to give me a sampler disc full of game trailers, movie trailers (XXX2, Stealth and Deuce Bigalow 2...It's going to be a great summer for not seeing movies.) and music videos. The first shipment of PSP systems ship with a UMD copy of Spiderman 2. Which is pretty damn neat. I don't see UMD movies taking off, although Sony recently dropped the price on them, you can only watch them on the PSP, and Hellboy is really more suited for a big screen anyway. Plus the movie selection is pretty shitty so far. The UMD format itself is nice, hi-capacity, I worry about dust getting inside that little case the CD is contained in, or the case cracking. But I also worry about that little girl from the Ring slashing my throat when I'm getting a pepsi at 3 AM, so I wouldn't put too much weight into my concerns. The system hooks up to your PC with a standard USB 2.0 cable, the kind that usually comes with a digital camera, connect it, create folders for your music, movies and photos and upload them. You can use iPSP to easily manage files for your system, and PSP video 9 to encode videos. You can fit a 70+ MB video onto a 30 meg card using it. The audio is a bit tinny coming out of those two tiny holes on the face of the system, you're better off using the headhones. Otherwise the sound is excellent, demonstrated very well in Lumines. Many owners complained of dead pixels, tiny pinholes on the screen usually white. I didn't notice any until I uploaded an all-black photo to the system and examined the screen up-close, I can't tell if it's always been there or if it's fairly recent. It only really bugs me when the screen is dark, though. The graphics are crisp and clear, it's like carrying around a DVD player that can display comic books and play music. But when you buy it, ask if you can crack open the box and examine the system for dead pixels, if there's enough to bug you, take another, some stores let you do this. The controls are laid out much like your standard PS2 controller, except it has a tiny control nub. I can't seem to get used to playing Wipeout with it. Otherwise the layout isn't really worth discussing, it's comfortable, 6 buttons, 4 face, 2 shoulder, and the d-pad. Battery life varies widely depending on the system, I've put a solid 20 hours into Lumines with about 2 or 3 into Wipeout and I've recharged the system a total of 4 times over the last 7 days. What that means to you, is up to you. I've watched movies and listened to music with it, and so far the most battery-intensive actions seem to be wireless play and games that do a LOT of streaming right from the UMD drive. Ridge Racer apparently whittles the battery life down to a paltry 3.5 hours, which I will be glad to confirm once I can GET the game. Images: Contents of the case , and games and size comparisons Oh, right....games. Lumines Games like Ridge Racer and Wipeout Pure showcase the raw hardware capability of the machine, but I think it is Lumines that is the best game of the launch lineup. As you may have heard, Lumines (pronounced just like luminous, if you call it loo-mines, I'll snap your fucking neck) is the brainchild of Tetsuya Mizuguchi , whose other brainchildren include Rez and it's retarded younger brother, Space Channel 5. 4x4 blocks of 2 colours drop from the top of the screen, players must arrange these blocks so that blocks of the same colour are arranged into 4x4 groupings, you can link as many of these 4x4 solid coloured squares together as possible. A line passes over the screen every 3-10 seconds, wiping all solid, completed blocks from the screen and adding them to your score. This line moves in tempo with the music, so it's speed will alter with the song in the backround. Lumines default mode, the "Challenge mode" has players start at the beginning of the song order, with the level increasing as you clear blocks from the screen. As the level increases the speed of the blocks falling increases as well, giving you less time to properly position them. When you reach a certain level the song transitions to the next, and the movement speed of the timeline will change. A slower timeline means that you have time to create larger combos but run the risk of running out of room before the timeline completes it's journey. A faster timeline removes blocks faster but forces you to create smaller chains, or rely more heavily on combos to get a lot of points at once. Lumines forces you to develop a strategy of your own, a unique playstyle that fits your game philosophy. Players will often find themselves thinking about the game while NOT playing it, wiping the screen in their mind of blocks and figuring out new ways to dispose of tricky arrangements. In the last week I've put more than 20 hours into my game, and I find myself playing on the bus, while on the phone, during windrider trips in WoW. Also included is the puzzle mode, which asks the player to arrange the blocks in a certain pattern, which can be extremely difficult. There is also the Timed mode, which asks the player to remove as many blocks as possible in 60, 120, 300 and 600 seconds. And finally included is the vs. mode, my favorite gametype, which pits you against 10 CPU opponents in an increasingly difficult order. VS mode has the screen divided into two halves, every time the timeline passes over, the player who wiped more blocks extends his side of the field and backs his opponent against the wall, eventually forcing the opponent to fill his screen and lose. Completing these modes earns the player new avatars and levels, the avatars are usually pretty awesome, ranging from people to octopuses (not octopii.. I looked it up) to cowboys to insane jesters (my current avatar). The best looking ones seem to come from completing vs. mode, although they never look as cool as the CPU opponents version. The levels, or "skins" are excellent, each with it's own blocks, backround, sound effects and music. The levels are highly varied, most of the time anyway. The best skins are in the start and at the end of the playlist, some of the ones in the middle suck, and suck hard, both in audio and visual (Shake Your Body being the focal point of detest. Also, Dark Side of the River is annoying as hell, I learn to get better just to get through it faster.), some of them are a rhythmical delight, combining the music and visuals of the stage and combining them with your gameplay to create one single aesthetic piece of art. See, the music and graphics are affected by the gameplay, moving a block from side to side, or rotating a block, wiping various amounts from the screen or creating combos and ALL the other actions you can do create unique sound effects within each skin. The music shifts and changes ever so slightly to accent the rhythm of your playstyle, and the sound effect accent the music so as to create one single unified song that changes every time you play, depending on HOW you play. The playlist never changes, so you'll get used to the games first song, "shinin". Shine and shine and shine and shine and shine and shine and shine and sh-..and so on. It's a good song, but still.. shine and shine and shine and shine and shine... Playing Lumines is a lot like jumping on a trampoline. Every time you pick it up, you've learned a new trick, gotten faster, gotten better, learned to create combos in advance faster, the experience feels unique each time. Images: vs. mode , and shine and shine and shine and shine. Wipeout Pure It seems the intro to this game sells more systems than the game itself, christ, even the official website is just a picture of a PSP with the movie playing on it. A showing like this might make one worry that the game itself is lacking in comparison to the movie that opens it. This is not the case. The last Wipeout game I played was the first one for the PSX, and I can't even remember it, I recall it having a lot of similarities to F-Zero, but having focus on weapons. While Wipeout Pure does have weapons, this games focus is on raw, unrestrained speed . This is one of the best looking games on the PSP, rivaling Ridge Racers in sheer terms of graphics power, what amazes me is the detail put into the game. Animated billboards and moving objects, such as aircraft and huge wind-power generators, massive blinking billboards in the city stages, actual tiny people in some spots watching the race, and foliage littering some areas on the sides of the track. The little touches really make this world the game takes place in come alive, even though you'll rarely have time to slow down and look at all these things. The number of tracks is very nice, and Sony has promised downloadable content via the PSP's wireless connection. So basically, in a couple of weeks you can go to a Starbucks and get new songs, vehicles and maps for your copy of Wipeout, Sony will be providing new tracks every month for 6 months. Players race along these tracks in several ranks, each progressively faster than the last. The courses are littered with boost pads and weapon pickups, weapons range from homing missiles to scatter missiles, floating caltrops, bombs, a boost, autopilot and a few other toys for you to utilize. The focus isn't on weaponry, your arsenal is simply to even the playing field against progressively tougher opponents. There are ways to gain speed, the speed boost item, the boost pads, slamming X as soon as the game says "Go" at the start, and a new addition; the ability to perform a barrel roll in mid air, performed succesfully your craft gains a massive speed boost upon hitting the ground. Perform it too late, and, well.. You wind up landing on your cockpit at Mach 2. The game gets HARD, as freakishly Prada-like as that PSP strap is, you might want to wear it to keep from whipping your system out a moving car. Enemies have no qualms about cheap-shotting you while you're ducking and weaving between fields of mines the racers ahead of you have just dropped, they'll hold onto their boost until the single most aggravating second for them to do it. Christ, I think the Harimaru racer just put 3 months worth of Everquest II on my credit card, these guys will go to any length to piss you off. Also included are the standard Time Trial, Single Race, and Free Play modes, and "The Zone". The Zone puts you in a very Tron-inspired "simulation" in which your ship moves on it's own. No brakes, no accelerator, just using R and L and the d-pad to steer as best you can without blowing up. Your ship moves increasingly faster and you have to keep it from slamming into the walls, it's very challenging, and great practice for the higher ranks where the game gets kinda nuts with the sheer speed of your ship. The sound effects are nice, the music is as excellent as any other Wipeout title, a melange of techno and....mostly just techno. But I've noticed one in every ten times the sound quality goes to shit and becomes a mess of static, I've conferred with several other Wipeout Pure owners and this seems to be a common occurance. It's a very aggravating oversight in a game that prides itself so much on it's soundtrack. With three racing titles at launch, this is one of the better ones available, tying with Ridge Racer. If you picked up Need for Speed: Rivals.. Well.. Something isn't right with you. In the head. Images: gameplay shot , and closeup of a ship . Closing thoughts Many people are saying that this system is going to kick Nintendo's ass, as Nintendo has the DS to go up against the PSP. I wouldn't go that far, clearly Sony has gotten MORE developers than the DS has. Even Nintendo's GBA library has suddenly dried up, along with the currently desolate DS game selection. The DS is simply a bridge connecting the GBA and the next Nintendo handheld; the next iteration of the Gameboy. It's very possible that E3 will have an excellent showing of what Nintendo has in store, I wouldn't worry. More advanced systems have gone up against the Game Boy before, and Nintendo is still holding the handheld market. But this isn't like the Game Gear or the fucking Lynx. Sony is out for blood. This isn't SOE with it's "Why play a World of Waiting LOL LIKE WOW GET IT?" strategem, this is actual competence. These people actually understand what they're doing with all that money they've been given. Also, I've talked to 3 people who picked up Metal Gear Acid thinking it was the same as MGS. What the fuck is wrong with you? I follow a game for months before launch often and even I read the box before taking it to the register. Scores Lumines Gameplay: 5/5 (Easy to pick up, fast and fun to play, and you'll see falling blocks whenever you close your eyes.) Aesthetics: 5/5 (This game is a feast for the senses, I'm sure it even TASTES good.) Sounds: 4/5 (Shine and shine and shine and shine and shine and shine and shine and shine and shine and shine and shine..) Value: 5/5 (Challenge, Puzzle, Timed and Vs. modes make sure you'll be working forever to get everything in this game, the experience is always different.) Verdict: 5/5 (Addictive and fun as hell to pick up, everyone has to play this, this is what Puzzle games have to live up to now.) Wipeout: Pure. Gameplay: 4/5 (Challenging to the point of frustration, but just kicks ass. Fast and fun, and weapons aren't cheap enough to ruin the gameplay experience, just enough to spice up the action.) Aesthetics: 5/5 (The best looking PSP game by far, highly stylized and detailed, show this to friends who are unsure about the PSP's graphics power.) Sounds: 3/5 (Good soundtrack, needs a LITTLE more variation in the genres, and that static problem is annoying as hell.) Value: 4/5 (A few more tracks would have been nice, but Sony promises more tracks and more vehicles. Multiple gameplay modes allow players to hone various skills necessary for the tournament mode, and wireless play is REALLY fun.) Verdict: 4/5 (It's the launch title everyone is talking about, but if you're into more style over speed, get Ridge Racer.) 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