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Look for that to change. National Archives Maintains Tight Security... Recolor Bitmap Images You can change a background's color to suit your needs or to create multiple backgrounds that use the same graphics but with varying colors. It's like creating color schemes from your own custom backgrounds. You can also colorize individual bitmap images. gym class hero site myspace com A good thing about Search Engines like Google is that they keep their indexes up to date. A search for gym class hero site myspace com should produce a result that is timely. When you perform a search you will see the indexing date in the results. We are also passionate about providing you with timely gym class hero site myspace com information. There is little point in giving out information that is out of date. Keeping up to date with changes in information can be difficult. Many gym class hero site myspace com suppliers offer a free newsletter so that you can be right up to date. 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Redesigning My.Opera space tutorial - Index Page - My 0.02$ on Opera Community development - published by Ivan Minic - by My 0.02$ on Opera Community development RSS | ATOM | FOAF OPERA COMMUNITY Log in | Sign up Skip navigation . My 0.02$ on Opera Community development published by Ivan Minic Blog Archive Links Members About [Sign up] [Lost password?] User name: Password: -- Redesigning My.Opera space tutorial - Index Page By SerbianFighter . Saturday, 19. November 2005, 07:42:56 community , css , MyOpera I wrote 5 (IMHO) logical parts of modifying any Opera community space to meet your needs and desires... It is my personal recommendation that you read this parts one by one, and not to jump from one to another, at least if you are not experienced with CSS and you are reading it for the first time. In the first parts all the elements are explained, documented and 4 examples are added (code + screenshots), and in later parts you will only be directed to specific parts of main.css for your template to search and modify it yourself since all elements you might want to change have been briefly explained before. If you like this spotlight it Part 1: Header part of your My.Opera Space Title text, Subtitle text, Header image and menu background [ Link ] Part 2: Blog on My.Opera Post title, Sticky post mark, Post date and tags [ Link ] Part 3: Sidebar on My.Opera Blog Sidebar width, Sidebar captions, Calendar, Album slideshow, Coundowns [ Link ] Part 4: Other My.Opera Pages Profile, Friends, Links [ Link ] Part 5: Few last bits and pieces Footer, Page background and wraps on each side, Top menu and Opera community link, Links on any page, Comments, Quick profile, Tags [ Link ] Updates: - You really want to check these Headers: - 12/02/2005 - 10 Headers - Farm - dark colors - Link - 12/02/2005 - 10 Headers - Natural - dark colors - Link - 12/02/2005 - 10 Headers - Sport - dark colors - Link - 12/01/2005 - 10 Headers - Children - dark colors - Link - 12/01/2005 - 10 Headers - Exotic nature - dark colors - Link - 12/01/2005 - 10 Headers - Oceans and seas - dark colors - Link - 12/01/2005 - 10 Headers - Mixed elements - Dark colors [2] - Link - 11/30/2005 - 10 Headers - Mixed elements - Dark colors - Link - 11/30/2005 - 6 Headers - Rabbit related - Light colors - Link - 11/30/2005 - 10 Headers - Winter related - Light colors - Link - 11/30/2005 - 10 Headers - Sunset related - Dark colors - Link - 11/30/2005 - 10 Headers - Food related - Mixed colors - Link - 11/30/2005 - 10 Headers - Cat related - Mixed colors - Link - 11/30/2005 - 10 Headers - Dog related - Mixed colors - Link - 11/29/2005 - 10 Headers - 10 Dark Colors - Plain but nice - Link - 11/29/2005 - 10 Headers - 10 Colors - Plain but nice - Link - 11/29/2005 - 10 Headers - mixed collection - check it out - Link - 11/29/2005 - 5 Headers for those who love wildlife - dark headers - Link - 11/29/2005 - 5 Headers for those who love babies - light headers - Link - 11/29/2005 - 5 Headers for those who like birds - dark headers - Link - 11/28/2005 - 6 Headers for those who like dark styles - Link - 11/28/2005 - 6 Headers for those who like light - natural styles - Link Menu images: - 12/03/2005 - 6 Light colors - yellow - blue - pink - orange - green - rose - Link - 12/03/2005 - 7 Dark colors - red - blue - orange - green - violet - rose - etc Link Opera Community Icon: - 12/04/2005 - 18 transparent icons - Link Others contribution - 12/25/2005 - 36 headers by Joni Mueller - Link People who made heavy modifications to their blogs: Scipio - http://my.opera.com/scipio/ Jere Purmonen - http://my.opera.com/Jere/ trollop - http://my.opera.com/trollop/ Post-Scriptum This post, and this list will be updated with interesting ideas, possibly interesting font / color / graphics combinations for your personal space, so keep checking it Ivan Minic :: http://www.Burek.co.yu/ :: http://forum.Burek.co.yu/ Syndication: RSS | Atom Write a comment You must be logged in to write a comment. If you're not a registered member, please sign up . User name: Password: SIGN UP My page is hosted by Opera Community . When you sign up you get access to post comments on my page aswell asall other pages hosted on my.opera.com. You also get access to free services provided by Opera Community, such as blogs and photo albums. The data you provide during the registration is safe with us, we do not share it with third parties. All fields are required: Username: Password: Re-type password: E-mail address: Please enter the characters shown in the image below: I agree to the terms Terms By clicking 'I agree to the terms', you warrant that you will not upload files that are obscene, vulgar,sexually-orientated, hateful, threatening, or otherwise violative of any laws. The owners of Opera communityhave the right to remove files and close any account for any reason. -- Just to make one thing clear... By SerbianFighter . Saturday, 22. October 2005, 09:42:07 About blog , community , opera I hope you don't mind few minutes, but I would just like to clear things up.. I'm a guy from a country that has ~ 150-200k internet users in total, from which probably 10% know more than to click "send and receve" in their mail client, and in this kind of envoirment I have managed to create internet forum (and we all know how forums are inpopular with "normal people") that has 65k users and 15-20k unique visits daily, without spending a penny on commercials (I probably would if I had any... here average salary is ~200$ so even paying for a dedicated server is a pain in the.... ) So... I'm not a person you should ask about making a milions, but I do know a thing or two about promotion, especially the good old guerilla way Just few small fast facts... I managed to persuade people to change from their "native" browser to Opera in quite a scale... I've been using it since 7.0 as my only browser, but have tried it before... Just to compare... Stats from last year on my forum show that 1.2% of users used Opera as their browser, today that number is about 8-11% from month to month I'm proud Though Firefox is still in front with ~15% Enough about me ... I love Opera and use it every day. I personaly find it the second most useful thing there is (after Google and before ICQ which I use since 98). The point of this qroup and this blog is not to say that Opera Browser or Opera Community is bad, it is just my way of expressing ideas how to make it better.. If you like them, I'm glad, if not, feel free to post better idea.. I'm a guy that spends approx 15-18h online daily, so my wishes and suggestions might not be suggestion that " average Joe " would make, but if anyone actually find this usefull among Opera Developers, feel free do implement or contact me to get detailed info about my thoughts... I'm writing this because in past I had few misunderstandings with people because of my me-tarzan-you-jane english. Ivan Minic Owner of Burek Forum Syndication: RSS | Atom Write a comment You must be logged in to write a comment. If you're not a registered member, please sign up . User name: Password: SIGN UP My page is hosted by Opera Community . When you sign up you get access to post comments on my page aswell asall other pages hosted on my.opera.com. You also get access to free services provided by Opera Community, such as blogs and photo albums. The data you provide during the registration is safe with us, we do not share it with third parties. All fields are required: Username: Password: Re-type password: E-mail address: Please enter the characters shown in the image below: I agree to the terms Terms By clicking 'I agree to the terms', you warrant that you will not upload files that are obscene, vulgar,sexually-orientated, hateful, threatening, or otherwise violative of any laws. The owners of Opera communityhave the right to remove files and close any account for any reason. -- Suggestions: Possible abuse of resources... By SerbianFighter . Tuesday, 10. January 2006, 22:47:53 myopera , opera , suggestion Some topic not too long ago made me think about possible ways of abusing my.opera space... Lets talk just about bandwith abuse at this moment, comment and account spam is another thing. Now as far as I know you can hotlink almost anything hosted on my.opera personal space.. and that means that you can send a link to a friend but that also means that you can put a clip or a big zip or simply hires image couple of MB big and hotlink it from any other page and simply parasite from Opera's resources... and ok.. that is fine until it is resonable amout of resources... but there is 300 MB of space and ways of abuse are unlimited... Just few examples: 1. Upload 10 MB clip (funny video), hotlink it from an outside blog, submit it to few fun portals and you will have lets say 50 000 or 100 000 views of that video a day. That means 1 TB of bandwith would be killed in a day... or link usage would be (1 000 000 x 8 / 86400) ~ 9.23 Mbit per second.. 2. Upload 1.5 MB HiRes scan of some magazine photo.. upload 6 pics as an example of a photo shoot ... 9 MB total make a post on your forum or blog, submit it to couple of portals and blogs.. if approved that would get you approrx 20 000 - 30 000 unique visits = 270 GB daily or 3.125 Mbit per second. 3. Upload 25 MB zip / rar ... lets say demo album or legal or illegal music.. post it on few warez portals and it will get you 20 000 - 30 000 unique visits a day ... to cut the crap another 750 GB of bandwith or 8.68 Mbit. etc Ok.. some of these stuff are legal usage of my.opera space, some are not.. still.. all are possible to qet out with... I don't know how big link my.opera's servers have and what kind of abuse they can handle (from what I've seen lately, they can't handle normal everyday use) but these stuff are something you should try fighting against. For example.. you can upload a huge zip (tested yesteday) full of images for your photo album, than manually collect links and hotlink them from other place... why not try to make some sort of hotlink protection in folders album uses for storing files at least? I know there could be issues with refferer since some browsers including opera can block it and some firewalls can do it too.. but there must be a way of making it work... Also.. why not implementing page with capcha for downloading files bigger than 1 MB from my.opera files... also maybe put on that page "report illegal content" or something like that... hotlinking videos results as a redirect to a page where that video can be viewed but from my.opera.com not some other page... and so on... Anyhow this is a very serious thing, and I really believe that it should be on a to-do list for my.opera dev's To post your comments visit: http://my.opera.com/community/forums/topic.dml?id=119508 Syndication: RSS | Atom Write a comment You must be logged in to write a comment. If you're not a registered member, please sign up . User name: Password: SIGN UP My page is hosted by Opera Community . When you sign up you get access to post comments on my page aswell asall other pages hosted on my.opera.com. You also get access to free services provided by Opera Community, such as blogs and photo albums. The data you provide during the registration is safe with us, we do not share it with third parties. All fields are required: Username: Password: Re-type password: E-mail address: Please enter the characters shown in the image below: I agree to the terms Terms By clicking 'I agree to the terms', you warrant that you will not upload files that are obscene, vulgar,sexually-orientated, hateful, threatening, or otherwise violative of any laws. The owners of Opera communityhave the right to remove files and close any account for any reason. -- Logo ideas: Opera Browser / Opera Mobile / Opera Mini By SerbianFighter . Tuesday, 10. January 2006, 21:35:49 logo , opera , operamini Opera Browser Opera Mobile Opera Mini Once again.. these are just ideas.. they aren't drawn too good But the idea is there Prevous posts: Opera logo as I see it - mockup 2 ~ http://my.opera.com/WhyOpera/blog/show.dml/102695 Opera logo as I see it.. mockup ~ http://my.opera.com/WhyOpera/blog/show.dml/101674 My 0.02$ on Opera's logo / identity ~ http://my.opera.com/WhyOpera/blog/show.dml/100758 32x32 icon is there! (preview) - http://my.opera.com/WhyOpera/blog/show.dml/103874 Syndication: RSS | Atom Write a comment You must be logged in to write a comment. If you're not a registered member, please sign up . User name: Password: SIGN UP My page is hosted by Opera Community . When you sign up you get access to post comments on my page aswell asall other pages hosted on my.opera.com. You also get access to free services provided by Opera Community, such as blogs and photo albums. The data you provide during the registration is safe with us, we do not share it with third parties. All fields are required: Username: Password: Re-type password: E-mail address: Please enter the characters shown in the image below: I agree to the terms Terms By clicking 'I agree to the terms', you warrant that you will not upload files that are obscene, vulgar,sexually-orientated, hateful, threatening, or otherwise violative of any laws. The owners of Opera communityhave the right to remove files and close any account for any reason. -- 5 plain userbars By SerbianFighter . Saturday, 7. January 2006, 20:01:32 signature , userbar 10 older: http://my.opera.com/WhyOpera/blog/show.dml/95804 5 newer: http://my.opera.com/WhyOpera/blog/show.dml/96319 Syndication: RSS | Atom Write a comment You must be logged in to write a comment. If you're not a registered member, please sign up . User name: Password: SIGN UP My page is hosted by Opera Community . When you sign up you get access to post comments on my page aswell asall other pages hosted on my.opera.com. You also get access to free services provided by Opera Community, such as blogs and photo albums. The data you provide during the registration is safe with us, we do not share it with third parties. All fields are required: Username: Password: Re-type password: E-mail address: Please enter the characters shown in the image below: I agree to the terms Terms By clicking 'I agree to the terms', you warrant that you will not upload files that are obscene, vulgar,sexually-orientated, hateful, threatening, or otherwise violative of any laws. The owners of Opera communityhave the right to remove files and close any account for any reason. -- 6 New wallpapers By SerbianFighter . Saturday, 7. January 2006, 17:52:47 opera community , wallpaper See them full sized here Based on my Opera Logo / Icon mockup Syndication: RSS | Atom Write a comment You must be logged in to write a comment. If you're not a registered member, please sign up . User name: Password: SIGN UP My page is hosted by Opera Community . When you sign up you get access to post comments on my page aswell asall other pages hosted on my.opera.com. You also get access to free services provided by Opera Community, such as blogs and photo albums. The data you provide during the registration is safe with us, we do not share it with third parties. All fields are required: Username: Password: Re-type password: E-mail address: Please enter the characters shown in the image below: I agree to the terms Terms By clicking 'I agree to the terms', you warrant that you will not upload files that are obscene, vulgar,sexually-orientated, hateful, threatening, or otherwise violative of any laws. The owners of Opera communityhave the right to remove files and close any account for any reason. -- 32x32 icon is there! (preview) By SerbianFighter . Friday, 6. January 2006, 15:59:28 icon , logo , opera Zoom 8x: Icons are there: BMP: OperaIcon.bmp GIF: OperaIcon.gif ICO: OperaIcon.ico Prevous posts: Opera logo as I see it - mockup 2 ~ http://my.opera.com/WhyOpera/blog/show.dml/102695 Opera logo as I see it.. mockup ~ http://my.opera.com/WhyOpera/blog/show.dml/101674 My 0.02$ on Opera's logo / identity ~ http://my.opera.com/WhyOpera/blog/show.dml/100758 Syndication: RSS | Atom Write a comment You must be logged in to write a comment. If you're not a registered member, please sign up . User name: Password: SIGN UP My page is hosted by Opera Community . When you sign up you get access to post comments on my page aswell asall other pages hosted on my.opera.com. You also get access to free services provided by Opera Community, such as blogs and photo albums. The data you provide during the registration is safe with us, we do not share it with third parties. All fields are required: Username: Password: Re-type password: E-mail address: Please enter the characters shown in the image below: I agree to the terms Terms By clicking 'I agree to the terms', you warrant that you will not upload files that are obscene, vulgar,sexually-orientated, hateful, threatening, or otherwise violative of any laws. The owners of Opera communityhave the right to remove files and close any account for any reason. -- Opera logo as I see it - mockup 2 By SerbianFighter . Wednesday, 4. January 2006, 21:33:11 logo , MyOpera , opera I'll say once again... I'm not too good ilustrator, but this is an idea with blue: and red and black and opposite Syndication: RSS | Atom Write a comment You must be logged in to write a comment. If you're not a registered member, please sign up . User name: Password: SIGN UP My page is hosted by Opera Community . When you sign up you get access to post comments on my page aswell asall other pages hosted on my.opera.com. You also get access to free services provided by Opera Community, such as blogs and photo albums. The data you provide during the registration is safe with us, we do not share it with third parties. All fields are required: Username: Password: Re-type password: E-mail address: Please enter the characters shown in the image below: I agree to the terms Terms By clicking 'I agree to the terms', you warrant that you will not upload files that are obscene, vulgar,sexually-orientated, hateful, threatening, or otherwise violative of any laws. The owners of Opera communityhave the right to remove files and close any account for any reason. -- Opera logo as I see it.. mockup By SerbianFighter . Tuesday, 3. January 2006, 20:49:55 logo , opera community This is a very simple, not too well drawn and combined mockup, but the point is there... I'll try to make this better later. Part 2 Syndication: RSS | Atom Write a comment You must be logged in to write a comment. If you're not a registered member, please sign up . User name: Password: SIGN UP My page is hosted by Opera Community . When you sign up you get access to post comments on my page aswell asall other pages hosted on my.opera.com. You also get access to free services provided by Opera Community, such as blogs and photo albums. The data you provide during the registration is safe with us, we do not share it with third parties. All fields are required: Username: Password: Re-type password: E-mail address: Please enter the characters shown in the image below: I agree to the terms Terms By clicking 'I agree to the terms', you warrant that you will not upload files that are obscene, vulgar,sexually-orientated, hateful, threatening, or otherwise violative of any laws. The owners of Opera communityhave the right to remove files and close any account for any reason. -- My 0.02$ on Opera's logo / identity By SerbianFighter . Monday, 2. January 2006, 17:12:11 logo , MyOpera , opera I had to write this... This topic was the thing that made me start posting ( my first post ) on My.Opera forums and the thing that was lately talked about a lot ( main topic )... I'll try to sublime other's impressions and write my own... I took these 5 logos in comparison simply because they represent the most popular 5 browsers... Depending on country and type of website they change their orded, but all in all they pretty much always, everywhere hit top 5 spots. First ... non-troppo's critique Second ... dantist's quick fix Third ... EivindFS retouch Ok... now my point of view.... Sometime ago I play around with "the big O" so I made simple crystal retouch... People liked it pretty much.... Wallpaper: So.. then some of people asked if I could make clean white O from that... and so I did: Anyhow... This "logo" Isn't anything special, it is just a retouch of current style and I personally believe that new logo and identity should be changed.... How and why... take a look at this (just examples): We all know that the most important market in the IT world is US... And when you have (at least) 2 such giants as "the big O" there, how do you expect someone fight with them? Also.. 95% internet users are noobs... Does anyone actually think that big red roman style O is a real way of suggesting users "this is internet browser, click it!". I made a small test the other day on one computer (usually only used for internet by complete begginers)... I deleted all icons on desktop and installed Netscape 8, Firefox 1.5 and Opera 8... I counted how many people clicked on each of them to start using their internet.. 15 people... - 10 clicked Firefox. - 4 clicked Netscape. - 1 clicked Opera. Why did that one click on Opera... I asked him... He has Symbian phone with Opera preinstalled... And.. we are talking about "survey" in a country where lets say 5-7% people use Opera as their browser, and... that my friends.. is quite a lot. I asked some who clicked on FF and NN and these are some of their anwsers... FF : The Icon is so cool and shiny and all that.. FF : The Globe suggested to me that I should try that one... FF : I've heard / read about it... NN : The icon looked like N is wathing on earth... seemed logical... NN : My friend has email @netscape.net Ok... now let me show you logos that were submited lately as users suggestion: User suggested logos: Prodea: Opera.png rethompson808: opera_07.blue2.png PKO: Opera_03.png marcoledingue: opera-mask.png chris2000: logo-concepts.gif CaFFeinE: opera_speedy.png : opera_flames.png Willnight: Opera_id1-1.jpg idbeu: 3.gif momo2: opera_logo_redesigned.png trollop: OperaHumming-1.png : OperaHumming-2.png Jairo Boudewyn Opera 8 Icons 2.0 - [ Here ] Opera 8 Icons - [ Here ] Opera Morph Icons - [ Here ] Opera Browser 7.5 Icon 2.0 - [ Here ] Opera 7 - Generic Opera - [ Here ] Conclusion? Opera needs a new logo... A nice sleek, modern and easy to remember logo that will be related to internet, network and browsing. One logo suggested is IMHO very nice.. Opera Morph Icons - [ Here ] I think this kind of look is something Opera should coinsider... Maybe not exactly that logo, that color scheme (although red white and blue are so well together and are used in may flags around the world and so...)... What it should be .. we will see Update: + Opera logo as I see it. [Mockup] + Step 2 Syndication: RSS | Atom Write a comment You must be logged in to write a comment. If you're not a registered member, please sign up . User name: Password: SIGN UP My page is hosted by Opera Community . When you sign up you get access to post comments on my page aswell asall other pages hosted on my.opera.com. You also get access to free services provided by Opera Community, such as blogs and photo albums. The data you provide during the registration is safe with us, we do not share it with third parties. All fields are required: Username: Password: Re-type password: E-mail address: Please enter the characters shown in the image below: I agree to the terms Terms By clicking 'I agree to the terms', you warrant that you will not upload files that are obscene, vulgar,sexually-orientated, hateful, threatening, or otherwise violative of any laws. The owners of Opera communityhave the right to remove files and close any account for any reason. About Name: My 0.02$ on Opera Community development Group started Oct 2005 Members: 13 More » Latest blog entries Redesigning My.Opera space tutorial - Index Page Just to make one thing clear... Suggestions: Possible abuse of resources... Logo ideas: Opera Browser / Opera Mobile / Opera Mini 5 plain userbars 6 New wallpapers 32x32 icon is there! (preview) Opera logo as I see it - mockup 2 Opera logo as I see it.. mockup My 0.02$ on Opera's logo / identity January 2006 M T W T F S S Dec 2005 Feb 2006 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 Opera Browser Download the Opera browser for abetter and safer Internet experience. Get your own blog at Opera Community
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Whore Train
Exquisite Corpse - A Journal of Letters and Life Dirk the Lech by Pete Sniegowski From Losers: A Collection of Short Stories Admitted depravity is one thing, the other is pathos, sweet and true as honey. He liked the idea of lechery, the whole idea of it. I suppose we all have our own definition of lechery. Dirk's head was full of Sci-Fi comic book heroines with giant breasts and tear-drop asses. It was also full of far too much live KISS footage and Bad Company songs. But it went well beyond that. He wrote on his pants--spasmodic phrases--things like, BROWN, PETRIFIED RAGE!!, REMEMBER THE ORANGE GLOW!!, FURIOUS SPHOOG TUNES!! I saw him last Tuesday, patching his canoe in the front yard. He'd smeared grass clippings into the resin by accident. The fiberglass wasn't staying down. It went wherever his trowel (a stick) went. And he was saying to me, "When I get older I'll be one of those guys on the front porch yelling at kids and hooting at the chicks going by." "Leaning forward on your cane." "Right." "With shit in your diaper." "Hey!" he said with mock ferocity. "Leave my dreams alone." Resin-impregnated fiberglass strands wafted against his leg. "Dreams like the Norsky whore?" "She wasn't a whore!" But I could see that she was. In a non-violent way, Dirk considered all women to be saucy little hookers of one type or another. The ones who denied it were simply frigid, saucy little hookers, who lied to themselves, and everybody else. Usually, listening to other guys talk about sexual exploits turns my stomach slowly. Not to be prudish or anything, because I don't give a damn what they do to each other as long as there's consent and I'm not a part of it. It's just that Dirk's eyes would bulge, and he'd get this weird tick where he'd stretch his neck and look at you like a fish in a fist when he really got going on the topic of a woman's ass. Which comes back to the story of the Norsky Whore, who is, technically, not a whore. If I remember it right, she spoke four languages and, according to Dirk, had one beatific ass. Anyway, Dirk was on his way to Eastern Europe, via Amsterdam. After the airport, at the train station, he stowed his ever precious, life encompassing duffle in a locker. Within one day Dirk would turn 30. He had some half-psychotic notion that he needed to "fuck a whore" before he turned 30, because after he turned 30 he had vowed to become the son that his mother always wanted, not the irresponsible megalomaniac that he was. And fucking a whore on the day before his 30th birthday was going be the gateway of sin through which he would pass as he cleansed himself, in Amsterdam. Europe's own sin city. It seems that Dirk had reached a cross roads. And as usual, he followed the road of the misguided, mildly evil miscreant. He rationalized his plan with the knowledge that Kerouac would on occasion seek out a prostitute, which, according to Dirk, meant that he was in good company. Back to Dirk loading his duffle into a train station locker--I will give him this: Dirk was pure enough of character to know that he was a loser, simple and straight forward. Not only that, but he hated himself for it and simultaneously loved every minute of the entire, explosively hilarious paradox. I'll grant you he's twisted. But it's as true a twist as you'll ever see. Anyway, enough lionizing the loser. In scuffed, clownish boots and torn, written on clothes he headed off to a "coffee shop" to smoke some coffee. But Dirk forgot something about himself--he's a tight-wad mother fucker. And he blew a fair amount on "coffee." Which left him with only 15 bucks in his pocket (he didn't even consider trying to get more cash as this trip was "budgeted"). After ogling ass all over the street for an hour, he finally honed in on one woman in particular. Although this was not part of the story as he related it, I imagine his neck was stretched to full extension as he gaped at her boobs from the back corner of his left eye and offered her the fifteen bucks hoping she'd suck him off cut rate. No deal. Now things began to look grim--it seemed Dirk would not get to "bang his strumpet" before he turned thirty. Having set this goal for himself, and seeing it so clearly as the only way to go, he faced the stark reality of his loserdom. To fail in this matter would be bad for his future. The ramifications of failure would reverberate throughout the rest of his life. But he was a loser anyway, so he turned and followed the flow (which quickly became a line) of stoop-shouldered chicken chokers into a large grey building with girls dancing in the windows. As he and his horny, frog-eyed compatriots shuffled through dank, sound-dampened corridors, young women (possibly girls) reached out to them, beckoned them. Dirk shuffled faster. Somewhere along the line there he decided that all he really wanted to do was drool over some hot stripper while he smacked his monkey against a pole. Which was all he could afford, anyway. It was a resolution of sorts. He found his booth. You know what it smelled like, and if you don't so much the better for you. There wasn't much room. Over in the corner sat a chair with a small table by it. On the table sat a box of tissues, under it, a wastebasket. He turned to the control panel on the wall and saw that there were names next to buttons: Jackie, Lola, Sophia, etc... You get the picture. Now, Dirk was never big on doing things the way they were supposed to be done, nor was he big on patience. So, he had a look at the instructions, decided they were far too complicated and dumped a few guilder into the machine. He paused and pressed Lola because Jackie sounded a bit dikey to him and Sophia reminded him of Sophia Loren. He did not want to see Sophia Loren naked. Most of us might wait for at least a minute before we proceeded with further measures. After all, you're 3,000 miles from home, in a foreign country, wedged into a cum stained porno booth. You don't know how things operate in this neck of the woods. So you wait. Not Dirk. He says he waited a while, and, in his manic state, I expect it seemed like that at the time. I figure he waited about ten to fifteen seconds. Whereupon he pressed another button and held it for a second. Again, there was no immediate gratification. So he dumped all his money into the machine and spread his hand across all the buttons, pushing them all two or three times. Within moments a displeased looking woman in a loose robe walked into the room on the other side of the glass from Dirk. I won't subject you to the lascivious details as they were related to me. Suffice to say that he didn't look her in the face for quite some time. The stripper tried three or four different languages. Possibly because Dirk always looks like a refugee, possibly just to humble him. Either way, you gotta like it. Finally, she landed on English and demanded, "Have you ever done this before?" And here comes Dirk's second big mistake. "Yeah. Sure," he said. He earned no points with that response. Instead he gave the impression of arrogance hiding ignorance. Which doesn't get you anywhere with a stripper who's behind an inch of Plexiglas. The woman tried to explain to Dirk where to put the money and how much one thing or another cost. "You want full nude show--so much. You want masturbation--so much," and so on. Dirk wasn't paying attention. He was watching her robe fall open ever so slightly as she made her explanations--his neck stretched and twitching the whole time. He looked up at her through a haze of testosterone. "I put all my money in the machine." He pointed to the lit up buttons. The woman began to lose patience. Dirk pressed on. "I put fifteen guilder in, which entitles me to a pussy show." From there it broke into full argument. She wasn't budging and Dirk was about to lose it. Within seconds he would lose the rest of his money and get nothing, no whore to fuck before he turned 30, no pussy show, nothing. He could not face the wretched truth of it all. He argued like a fanatic. "I paid fifteen guilder to that machine. Look, right on the front there--it says fifteen guilder. Now lets have a show! Goddamnit!" That was all the woman needed to hear. She stood up straight, pulled her robe tight and left. Dirk remained in the booth for a second, then it came to him: pure failure--simple, mammoth and flat. He fled the scene quickly, which really should be the end of the story, but this is Dirk, so let's continue. He gets back to the train station and sees that his locker is open and everything is gone. He freaks. He makes his distress audible. "Oh! Oh! Oh! All my shit!" People begin to stare. He ignores them and tears off looking for the attendant. He finds the attendant talking to some older, quiet folks. No time for that. "Some mother fucker stole my shit!" He blurted. "I went... I was gone for a while and now my shit is gone! Some son-of-a-bitch..." He dragged the attendant to his locker. "You are sure this is your locker?" The attendant asked. "Of course it's my fucking locker! I'm not fucking stupid." It wasn't his locker. His was the next one to the right. After that Dirk got on the train for Eastern Europe and turned thirty the next day. He's still out there, victimizing the unsuspecting. Once, on a bleak stretch of I-80 in southern Wyoming I tried to kill him in my pick-up truck--ready and willing to sacrifice my truck and my own life if necessary. Anything to get the job done. Totaled the truck, but we both walked away with little loss of blood. No luck. Two days later he was found screaming at a seven-year-old girl who had allowed her pet bunny to get into his yard. He told her she didn't deserve a bunny if she couldn't control it. The girl was mildly retarded. She wouldn't stop crying for three days. When the mother came over later that day to exact an apology from Dirk, he refused. When things became heated, he screamed at the girl again, and in all likelihood caused permanent damage to her psyche. He hasn't apologized to this day. Last I heard, he fell for some girl in her late teens. They both decided that she didn't need the medicine the psychiatrists had prescribed and headed West in a dusty green '73 Fury station wagon. ©1999-2004 Exquisite Corpse. Site design by Compulsive Creations .