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eXile - Issue #160 - Whore-R Stories - Whore-R Stories: the Sluts of Slutsk - By Mark Ames Moscow-based alternativenewspaper Search the eXile All Issues This Issue This Author This Column | Advanced Search... Email thousands of beautiful Russian Ladies! Home | Archive | Club Guide | Restaurant Guide | Songs | Field Guide To Moscow | Political Trading Cards | About Us Browse Column (19) Previous (1) Next (17) Whore-R Stories: the Sluts of Slutsk By Mark Ames ( editor at exile ru ) Browse Author (147) Previous (54) Next (90) I n the last issue, I made the claim that the line between a slut and a whore in Russia is rather blurred. In this, the second installment of Whore-R Stories, I'm going to examine the other side of the equation: The Slut. What better place to test the slut-whore-equation theory than in the Belorussian town of Slutsk. I nit you shot, folks. There really is such a town, located about 100 kilometers southwest of Minsk. Ever since my first and only visit to Belarus over five years ago, the land of Europe's last dictator has always held a special place in my heart (and other organs). Minsk, after all, is where I first discovered the White God Factor. But a provincial town with a name like Slutsk must have something much more than a White God factor - say, a Big Bang God Factor ... As a professional investigative journalist and veteran explorer of the FSU's hinterlands, I knew that fate, as well as desperation, would draw me to Slutsk and, like Stanley in the Congo, I'd report the exotic findings back to my readers. Only instead of bringing back shrunken heads, I hoped to bring back carefully preserved samples of chlamydia, smuggled on my person. The two-and-a-half hour bus ride from Minsk to Slutsk cost two dollars. On the outskirts of town there is a familiar cluster of 8 and 16-story paneli, Brezhnev-era housing projects, dirty white with blue or purple stripes straight down the elevator shaft. In the center of town the structures are smaller, a mix of pre-Revolutionary two- and three-story houses painted yellow, green and pink, side by side with Soviet concrete boxes. Slutsk is run by a Saiko. Literally. The head of the Slutsk city council, with its cookie-cutter Lenin statue out front, is named Saiko. Slutsk has one hotel, aptly named "Hotel Slutsk," on the main street, Ulitsa Lenina. There was fresh blue paint in the lobby. The elevator didn't work. I was given a room on the fourth floor. A single for $33, not exactly cheap. After wandering around town freezing my ass off for most of the afternoon while trying to get noticed, I took a rest in my hotel room then headed back out. It wasn't looking good. The two top restaurants were butt empty. I found a cafe that looked promising, slut-wise. Standing outside the entrance were two women - not girls, but women - bundled in cheap fur coats and hats. They smiled as I passed, and I said hello with a pronounced foreign accent. The cafe had only two patrons. One man was slumped in his chair; his friend scowled at me, one eye open. I sat at the far end and ordered 150 grams of cheap cognac. Just then, one of the women from outside the cafe entered, walked towards and then passed me, turned to leave, then turned around a second time and said to me, "We feel sorry for you being alone. Would you like to join us somewhere else?" "Sure," I said. "Meet us outside." She walked out. I downed as much of the cognac as I could take and asked the bartender, an aging woman, "Are all Slutsk girls this friendly?" "Only if the person is from out of town," she answered. I joined the two women outside the door. "That cafe was horrible, we couldn't even stand being in there," said the one who'd rescued me. Her name was Olga, and the other one was her younger sister, Yulia. They told me that there was a much better caf down the street with a better crowd. They were waiting to join a friend of theirs, Alla. We powerwalked along the ice as best we could to the next cafe, called V Dalee ot Zhyon, or Far Away From The Wives. It was crowded, packed mostly with young banditibees in black leather coats. A few had young girlfriends on their arms, cute ones too. Alla stood at the counter and ordered: a carafe of vodka, four crab and mayonnaise salads, sliced ham, bread, Sprite, and a bottle of Medvedovskaya Krov wine for Olga. Adding two more vodka carafes and other goodies, the whole bill came to nine dollars. I sat next to Olga, who told me that she'd spent the whole past week inside her apartment and that today, she'd decided to go out with her sister and Alla. I didn't really get a good look at Alla yet. Her face was either hidden in a full fur hood on the street, or she was at the bar giving endless orders. It wasn't until she took a seat directly across from me that I literally yelped, knocking into the table: her face looked exactly like the possessed witch in Army of Darkness, the same long shock of silver hair, a gray complexion, gnarled nose and a mouth full of metal teeth: "You shall never get the necronomicon! We shall feast upon your sooooooul..." I had to drink fast. It was clear that I was supposed to be paired up with Olga, who was passably attractive despite the complex wrinkles around and under her eyes. I stole glances at the mini-mafia molls, wondering to myself why I, considering my White God Factor, was stuck with a bunch of old hags, and whether I should try my luck elsewhere. But there was no elsewhere. Olga was thirty-three years old. She told me she'd been to Poland many times, and had recently been to Moscow. Her sister Yulia was twenty-seven. She was one of three sisters and two brothers in the family. I asked Yulia if all Slutsk families were so big, five children, not exactly the norm in modern Russia. "Yeah, we're all like this. I know a family of ten. There's nothing else to do." Yulia said she'd worked for six years as a dancer at Stary Zamok, the town's top restaurant. I assume that meant she was a whore, if the distinction matters. She seemed both proud and unhappy about having been a dancer there -- "It's the best restaurant in Slutsk" -- after six years, she had nothing to show, and now she worked in a factory. That's how she met Alla. Alla told me that the owners of the cafe respected her because just the night before, she'd found her "man" there with three other women and she beat the shit out of him and one of his lovers who hadn't managed to escape. "I beat him unconscious," she said, brandishing her fist and laughing. "You shouldn't mess with me. That bastard. I did everything for him. I worked and put a roof over his head, and he goes and takes three lovers." None of this was helping my mojo: aging women, a haunt who doubled as a man-beater, images of Alla having sex with some unemployed, salo-fattened prole, and him with his three lovers... Alla told me she'd once beaten the shit out of Yulia. That's how they became friends. Yulia lived in the same podezd as Alla. And Yulia carried on an affair with Alla's then-boyfriend. Alla found out, stalked Yulia, and stomped her. After that, they became friends. To prove it, they kissed like a pair of football players, smacking loudly but very un-sexually. Olga quietly emptied the bottle of Bear's Blood next to me. She was amazed that I was American. "I've known Polacks," she said. "I thought you were a Caucasian. You seemed nice and handsome, a foreigner, so I decided we should rescue you from the club." The night starts to get blurry here. I pushed myself to go on until the bitter end, to get the story. But the cheap liquor, the travel and cold suddenly put a sleeping spell on me. I remember we stumbled across the road to Stary Zamok, but it had closed early for lack of a single client -- on a Thursday night! They led me to some kind of second-floor club with a bar and a small disco. All I remember is ordering the worst pelmeni of my life, and eating it. Then stealing some of Yulia's horrific fried meat balls -- tongue meat in a brown chewy foam-like batter. I was burping up bad pelmeni meat into Olga's face as she tried to keep the mojo going. "I smell your pelmeni." "I know." "You want to sleep, don't you?" I was sound asleep in my chair for most of the rest of the evening, I mean deep REM sleep, until they mercifully decided to leave. Olga pulled me away from the other two and walked me downstairs. "You want to stay with me at my place, don't you?" she said. "Yes, I want to stay at your place," I said. She bundled me into a taxi, and I passed out again. Then awoke in the projects. We rode the elevator up to her apartment. A mountain bike blocked the door -- she moved it aside -- and in the first room next to the entry hall, I noticed the head of a young teenager, the Bobby Brady of Belarus, resting on a pillow. He told Olga that "he" had called a few times. "He" turned out to be her "man," as she called him, a Czech businessman who was part husband, part sponsor. Olga closed the door to her son's bedroom, which probably doubled as the TV room as well, and whispered to me, "My man feels that I'm with someone. Men can sense these things. You understand?" "Yeah, I understand," I said, stung, because for the most part men don't understand. She called her "man" on her phone, while I crashed on her bed, a double made out of two twins pushed together covered with a pink comforter. Olga woke me up and asked me if I wanted to take a shower. "No." She came back again what seemed like hours later with a towel. "Go take a shower," she said. I snapped the towel and lifted myself up. I couldn't pass out here. Good money had been sunk into the Slutsk expedition. And here I was, in the slut's very own habitat, as close to the kill as anyone could hope to be. The eXile's shareholders would never forgive me if I copped out now. She took her obligatory pre-sex dyev shower after seeing mine through. I kept myself awake by trying to record the details of her bedroom. It was modestly luxurious by early 90s Warsaw Pact standards. She had a gaudy pink light fixture, a kind of mini-chandelier with pink glass orchids and various blooming lamp pedals. Above the dresser mirror was a collection of German hair styling spray bottles. They must be hard to find in Slutsk -- I remember Czechs and Poles displaying their Western cans of spray and soft drinks in the early 90s. Olga also had large posters of scantily-clad women on her walls, including one in a bikini thong whose figure had been cut out from the rest of the poster and glued to the wall. When Olga returned I pounced. She wasn't what I'd expected: instead of the lumpy, smelly, sweaty body of a typical aging provincial slut, she was thin, much prettier with all her clothes off, with something of Meg Ryan's mouth (not that I like Meg Ryan) and a fashionable mom hairdo. The other surprise was how dry her snapper was. I remember what Dr. Limonov had written about older women's pussies -- "like glue" -- it was one of the reasons why he "gave advices" to "throw away older wife, get yourself young teenage girl." Her small breasts had large No. 2 pencil eraser nipples, but no matter what tricks I tried pulling out of my bag, her snapper was like cloth, like putting your fingers between worn leather cushions on an old couch. "It's been so long since I've been with a man," she told me. I tried to close the deal, but it wasn't working. "I'll get some cream," she said. She stood up and opened a drawer in her dresser. God knows how I managed to maintain wood during this -- I'm not happy about it, believe me. She squirted some cream into her hand and worked it into her gluey snapper. That made things marginally better. Finally I worked my way in. But for all my effort I didn't get much pleasure and nothing close to an orgasm. I passed out after - maybe five minutes, maybe thirty, maybe an hour, I really have no idea. Early the next morning I awoke with a rancid hangover and a mouth nearly as dry as her pussy. The neighbors upstairs were stomping around. "Let me put on some music," she said. She played some kind of Italian pop cassette on her box. "I've had a problem with my neighbors ever since I moved here," she said. "They don't work. They're both alcoholics. They wake up every morning at six and stomp around loudly. It used to be worse. They'd put on some kind of hard soles and stomp loudly on their wooden floor. I called the militia on them. It only made them angrier. So I went upstairs and demanded that they not wake me up at 6am. I screamed. They're a couple, in their forties, with a 16-year-old boy. They were rude, so I forced my way in and beat the hell out of both of them. They were so drunk, and I was angry. Alla's not the only one - I can do that too." It was hard to imagine Olga like Alla -- in the morning she appeared, in spite of her sandpaper snapper, even prettier. "I bought them carpeting. They took it. It's much better now, but it's still unbearable, isn't it?" "It's pretty loud," I agreed. It was hard to imagine that there was carpeting muffling their shoes -- it must have sounded like a construction site before. "I tried everything. I tried being nice. I brought back chocolates from Brno when I visited my man. The 16-year-old upstairs loved them too much. He called me a later and said, 'Those chocolates were so good. If you don't bring me more of those chocolates soon, I'm really going to make a racket upstairs, and much earlier than ever.'" "You should have told him that if he ever threatened you again, he'd never see another Czech chocolate in his life," I said. "I did. I told him, 'Who the hell do you think you are, you little bastard?! I should come up there and tear you to pieces. You're threatening me?! Forget the chocolates! If I ever see you..." " -- Okay, I see," said, interrupting her. These Slutsk girls...someone should hustle them in mud wrestling competitions. I asked her about her "man." They'd met a year and a half ago. She took a job in a factory in Brno, working on a line, tying ribbons around packages of paper napkins. "I had financial difficulties, I had to find work," she said. The owner of the factory walked the floor one day and spotted Olga. "He saw me, pulled me off the line, told me he didn't want to subject me to such work ever again, and said he'd fallen in love. Just like that. I wasn't so sure. He's almost 50. He's an older man, with a stomach." So I'm not the only one acting out Count Tolstoi fantasies. The Czech understood the true advantage of running a sweatshop using cheap Slavic labor: that stroll down the factory line, inspecting the women workers, rating them, fantasizing about how desperate they are, and finally, choosing whichever one he wanted to "rescue," acting out some 19th century European fantasy. "He wants me to move to Brno, but I don't want to," Olga said. "My son, I want him to stay in school here. He also wants me to move to Moscow, where's he's considering opening up another factory. Assembling furniture and other stuff. I went to Moscow with him a few months ago. There's a Czech mafia in Moscow. We all went out for dinner and a long night at the casino: me, my man, the Czech mafia and the local Russian mafia who would be the krysha for his factory. At the end of the night, most of them had left their phone numbers in my purse. I was so surprised when I saw what they'd done. Of course I didn't tell my man. It would just upset him." Olga had married and birthed her son when she was nineteen. Her first husband was an Army type and a loser. He always wanted to punish the boy. They divorced after five years. The boy didn't want to see his father -- he was happy to have him out of his life. The father moved to Minsk. They saw each other once every year or two. Olga's own family were sluchyaninie on her mother's side, Siberians on her father's. Her grandmother told her about the Nazi occupation of Slutsk. "Most of the time the Nazis were okay. My grandmother and grandfather lived out in their dacha. The Germans would come back and say, 'Ekks!' They wanted eggs and food. My grandma said they were polite and paid for everything. Then they went crazier. Once they locked up as many people from the village as they could fit inside a barn and set it on fire. My grandmother heard the screams." "Wasn't Slutsk a Jewish town before the Nazis came?" "Yes, there were many Jews here. The Nazis killed all of them." "Are there any left?" "Not that I know of." Her parents both worked in the railroads. Her father was a signal man. Now he's an invalid. About two years ago he'd injured his leg badly in a railroad track accident and didn't get proper treatment for it. Being the hardy peasant type, he didn't complain as it got worse. Then it turned green and black. "He got gangrene. They had to amputate it. Now he doesn't want to live. He tells me that he wants to die and not be a burden to us. The gangrene may have spread to his other leg. He may have to have it amputated soon." I asked about Belorussian medical insurance, the one I was forced to purchase through the hotel as a tourist. "Ha! What medical insurance! You're on your own here. Actually the burden is all on my shoulders. Everyone barely survives. My man helps out a lot. It's one reason why I'm with him. He's good for my son, for my family. He helps with so much." Issue In #160 20 Feb 03 (2 years, 10 months old) Also in this Issue Adventures in Real Estate byMichaelAndrews It's getting towards the end of the month, and since my rent comes due, it's time to step up the search... Tapochki "A Health Threat" -Ministry Russia's Health Ministry finally admitted that "tapochki," or slippers, do not help to illnesses... Your Letters SIC! A TOTAL DUMBSHIT... FELCH-AN-HOUR... PLAYING WITH DONG... NECKING... DORK-U-MENTARY... Remedial Slander: Bhutan A low-oxygen entry taking up one-eighth cranial page... The Two Faces of Fred: A Journalistic Moral Tale Press Review byPhilbyBurgess Journalists are wonderful creatures in many ways, but on reflection I think it's their utter lack of self-awareness which most impresses me... Wilhelm Klink Invades Eastern-Front Real Estate Market Posing as a German consultant, we contacted Penny Lane Realty to see what it would take to get Comrade Andropov's apartment... Introducing the Schopenhauer Award! We're proud to present a new feature that will entertain and educate you, the knowledge-hungry eXhole!... Let 'Em Send Me to the Bughouse Again! Feature Story byDarZhutayev It's a quiet night here, by Shchukinskaya metro station. If you look out the window, you can see the twin towers of the swanky Aliye Parusa apartment complex... Bardak Calendar The Residents... Night Life Awards... Salvation Army Band... Slade And Sweet... Alisa... Death Porn WHEN THE CAT'S AWAY, THE MICE WILL DIE... THE BABYSITTER... NOBODY LIKES ME... MEANWHILE, IN PODMOSKOVIE... Appointments Receptionist... Maid... Personal Assistant... Driver... Security Guard... The Schmaltz Ghetto Book Review Some genres consist of one good book followed by thousands of disastrous failures... One Of Us Is Wrong Kino Korner byMarkAmes I've never gone out on a limb or exposed my hard-earned reputation to such total destruction as I will this issue... Social Awkwardness Among the Red Flags City Beat byJohnDolan Last Saturday your intrepid Ace City Beat Reporter set out for the antiwar demonstration at the American Embassy... Algeria: The Psychos Will Inherit the Earth War Nerd byGaryBrecher Some wars make it onto the TV news, and some don't. It's got nothing to do with how bloody or big they are... Fit to Print? In New York? byJakeRudnitsky It isn't every day you catch a journalist blowing their own lie. I'm talking about incontrovertible evidence, a smoking gun... Dork-A-Rama Club Review byDenisSalnikov A week ago Thursday, a group of my friends gathered at JUSTO's for sushi and cocktails... Temple's Prayers Answered Restaurant Review byKevinHooper For my final eXile review, I was invited to taste a brand new bar/pub/restaurant, TEMPLE BAR... The Medvedeva Woman byThierryMarignac The Medvedeva woman was impossible as everybody knows. She was prone to bouts of drunkedness, fits of hysteria, you name it... Set Font This feature requires JavaScript. Other Formats Printer-friendly Plain Text Email Article Email address(es): Note: Affiliate Links By buying from these merchants, you help to support and enhance our online presence. 200 beautiful RussianBrides a week! Photo galleries, personal profiles, introduction services. Travel to Russia Visa support, hotels, train tickets, tours and cruises. See your message here! Write to web_adv at exile ru Interested in advertising? Write to the_exile at mail ru "the eXile". Tel: +7 (095) 795-3376 , fax: +7 (095) 245-1415 E-mail: office at exile ru (website-related issues: webperson at exile ru )

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www.myspace.com/goodcleanfun MySpace.com | Home The Web MySpace Help | SignUp Home | Browse | Search | Invite | Rank | Mail | Blog | Favorites | Forum | Groups | Events | Games | Music | Classifieds Videos | Directory | Search | Top Artists | Shows | Music Forums | Music Classifieds | Artist Signup Good Clean Fun Hardcore / Punk "GOOD CLEAN FUN" United States Profile Views: 60607 Last Login: 01/10/2006 View more pics Contacting Good Clean Fun MySpace URL: http://www.myspace.com/goodcleanfun Good Clean Fun General Info Member Since September 27, 2004 Band Website gcf.phyte.com Band Members Issa is the only one taking responsibility for this online excursion. Aaron, Kelly, Danny and Justin take none of the blame! Influences The word "influence" is funny, because it doesn't really pay proper homage to the bands that we stole riffs and lyrics from. That long and diverse list includes the likes of Gorilla Biscuits, Youth Of Today, Minor Threat, 7SECONDS, Madonna, the Smiths, Public Enemy, The Black Sheep, Refused, Phil Ochs, Aqua, and the Bangles. Sounds Like We tried to sound as much like Gorilla Biscuits as possible. We admit it. The new record isn't that different, we just spent a lot more time on recording it, and it is updated for the new millenium. Whatever that means. Record Label Equal Vision Records / Reflections Records -europe Type of Label Indie Upcoming Shows ( view all ) Feb 9 2006 8:00P US TOUR WASHINGTON, DC Good Clean Fun's Latest Blog Entry [ Subscribe to this Blog ] Positive Hardcore Lyrics ( view more ) The MySpace Song Lyrics ( view more ) The New Album! ( view more ) The Latest! ( view more ) http://www.punkradiocast.com/TOP10.php ( view more ) [ View All Blog Entries ] About Good Clean Fun What does the future hold for Good Clean Fun? We are finishing a new record right now...thanks to everyone who came down to do back up vocals!!! Street Date is January 24th on Equal Vision and January 10th on Reflections Records (our long time label and favorite people!) in Europe, and we will be on tour at a city near you soon. Depending on where you live. See you there! Where did GCF come from?In 1997 the hardcore scene was in dire need of a sense of humor. 4 Vegan Straightedge dudes from Washington DC (where it all began) stepped up to the challenge. Good Clean Fun was formed. Shortly the band felt that their mission had been accomplished and they reached for new goals. They set out on a 3 year non-stop tour to spread positivity to the whole planet. With shows in 35 countries, from Austria to Australia, from New England to England, from the beaches of Hawaii to the fjords of Norway (and so on) the message was delivered. In 2002, the band returned home and released a Discography CD on Equal Vision Records. In 2004 the band stayed true to its word and did a reunion tour. Good Clean Fun's Friend Space Good Clean Fun has 6571 friends. Tom The Saturday Team Papier Mache Munsen Kelly Green justin velo love Veronika mikexdna View All of Good Clean Fun's Friends Good Clean Fun'sFriends Comments Displaying 50 of 1234 comments ( View/Edit All Comments ) Katy Jan 11, 2006 01:54 PM every time i start to think all the posi in the world has gone away, i put on my good clean fun, and i have hope. you should start a religious group. =) HTHC Jan 11, 2006 04:55 AM see you guys on friday. i know it will be a great fuckin' evening with an asskicking moshpit in front of you. you'll enjoy it too. lets rock the SO36 and have all fun. Dan Spector Jan 10, 2006 07:56 PM Cant wait to see you guys in Orlando!!! Will be a blast! "Leave no turn unstoned." Jan 10, 2006 02:13 PM hey guys i just bought my tickets to next tuesdays show in vienna. the next day im leaving to go back to the states. perfect timing see ya then peace out Christian Jan 10, 2006 01:13 PM Hey! 1st of all: you rule! I really enjoyed the 2 shows where i saw you (1. with thrice and vaux in mnster.. 2. at the arnhem hc festival) greetings to issa.. i really enjoyed the chaotic interview / talk with you in arnhem at the reflections festival... http://www.crazewire.de/interviews.php?ident=374 greetings from germany, Christian XiCHbinToLLuNdDUniChX Jan 10, 2006 11:20 AM very nice scow in munich! SPRINGBREEEEAAAKE!!! TAKE CARE Jan 10, 2006 10:31 AM it was an amazing show in nuenchritz at the kombi, hope you had enjoyed it like we alle did it... i think so, you looked like it :-) and the first song of this german band you played was really funny... great great show... maybe we can play with you next time at the kombi see you, take care X I hate girls that play with hearts X Jan 10, 2006 09:44 AM ahhhw thxxxx for the add guys...what a amazing show in nnchritz...i love you :D the new cd is also a dream hehe! cheerz christian! gir Jan 10, 2006 05:23 AM dude! I can't wait until 25th! it will be amazing to go to your shows in the UK -Pinky Take Warning Booking Jan 10, 2006 12:25 AM FEBRUARY 18TH @ THE VERA PROJECT GOOD CLEAN FUN This Time Tomorrow The Answer Shook Ones + Guests All Ages - $7 without club card / $6 with club card - 7:30PM POSI!!! Posi-T Jan 9, 2006 11:00 PM February 24th!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! southern california my brothers, no others Jan 9, 2006 08:40 PM thanks for the add, looking forward to playing with you guys in boise! luke Stever Jan 9, 2006 07:15 PM I cant wait for the new album! And i think im going to go vegan (again) soon, so there will be a lot more GCF rockin my stereo, haha...keep it posi! Anti-Wasteoids Jan 9, 2006 06:14 PM Hey Issa remember us? we gave you our demo at the H20 show at the ottobar in baltimore. We are having a cd release show on the 14th and we want to give you our cd so we will be sure to see you next time you are at collage park and we'll give it to you. Take care -xJoshx kaputtmachen!!! Jan 9, 2006 06:10 PM hope you had a good time, because we defenitely had a whale of a night!!! damn i can't even sleep cuz i'm too posi right now, and i have to get up as early as you have to tomorrow, which isn't posi at all!!! hugs, andre!!! ..........ah, and wear your traditional bavarian headwear with some sense of pride!!! Waste Jan 9, 2006 05:42 PM yeah I'm just listening to the corporate rock mp3 you can't imagine how forward I look on friday: Anti Flag, Good Clean fun and mike park at the so36 Manuel Jan 9, 2006 05:28 PM thanks for this great show in munich!!! come back soon!! UBERDUBEY ATRC Jan 9, 2006 05:06 PM Thanks for just making my totally awful day! I cannot wait until you're here in CA (RIGHT AROUND MY BIRTHDAY!) Mitch today vs ashley Jan 9, 2006 03:31 PM hey remember that time you came to toronto? Ya, no one does...it was too long ago. I scanned your dates, are you not touring canada for the new album?? xxx. Snake Plissken Jan 9, 2006 03:27 PM You guys need to bring some positivity back to New England. Winter freakin' sucks. POSI tone! Jan 9, 2006 03:22 PM Please say you're coming to Canada after your US dates are done. We love you too, you know! .tone! The Scare Jan 9, 2006 12:26 PM The Scare Jan 9, 2006 10:57 AM Come to our first show, and hopefully, it'll also be our record release! Come out, come early! We should have shirts and stickers! Saturday Feb 4, 2006 GOOD CLEAN FUN GENTLEMAN's JIM TRIBUTE TO CRUCIAL YOUTH (ex crucial youth doing all crucial youth songs!) XLOOKINGFORWARDX RUINER COUNTING THE DAYS THE SCARE IN MY WAY 5 PM $10 Show starts at 5:45 tickets available at www.missiontix.com St Andrews Church 4512 College Ave College Park MD For more info email jjartistsmanager@aol.com rogue Jan 9, 2006 10:35 AM FOR TOUR DATES, CHECK OUT www.posihq.com :) straight thuggin Jan 9, 2006 09:12 AM hey how is it going..... i think it would be awesome if you guys played CT again.... i know you played here a couple months ago but i looked at your new tour dates and i didnt see any for CT or even MA or RI...it would be good to see you again... King McShiznit Jan 9, 2006 08:27 AM awesome show in cologne! Hope to see ya soon! Knox Jan 9, 2006 08:25 AM Come To Long Beach, CA play a gig in my kitchen! alex Jan 9, 2006 08:18 AM come to Asia, I am too poor to fly back to Europe to see you guys - damn! DrinkingClass Jan 9, 2006 08:08 AM Hi guys... thx for the add.. see you in hannover or/and in bochum... cheers, Bob xhighpeak400x survivorOfTheFittestCrewx Jan 9, 2006 06:58 AM thanx for bringinback the "ha" to nnchritz!! your damn great!!! (; much love 0Micha0 S.H.C. Jan 9, 2006 06:52 AM great show yesterday...respect!!! Knox Jan 9, 2006 04:38 AM I am excited that you guys will be playing L.A. and Anaheim. Daniel Chaos Jan 9, 2006 04:32 AM Eindhoven was kind of a bummer, see you in Arnhem and maybe even Rotterdam, it will probably be better. Take care Danil PS: I found these pics on a Dutch messageboard, they're actually pretty cool. Grier For The Win! [[Crucial!]] Jan 9, 2006 04:15 AM So I was checkin' out y'alls tour dates, and was kinda bumed you aren't coming around RVA. Oh well, maybe next tour. every day a little romance Jan 9, 2006 04:13 AM hey guys!!! the show in cologne was really really awesome!! i had a lot of fun! i really liked the "ex-straight-edge-ex" song!!! go on like that!! myspace rulez ;-) SXHC Jan 9, 2006 03:18 AM hey guy's, thanks for the great show yesterday in Nnchritz. it was like play in my living room. We all are friends and sing all songs along...Have a very good time here in europe. we love you all! Ingo Jan 9, 2006 02:53 AM Saturdays night show in Cologne was awesome. Thank you for some unforgetable hours. Take care Ingo XarsenX (Go Vegan) Jan 9, 2006 02:22 AM thnx a lot for the show saturday.it was like a big big party with a lot of friends. xtake care guysx MARC ATTACK! Jan 9, 2006 01:16 AM kelly green i am like in love Eric Jan 9, 2006 12:01 AM hey i had a real fun time filming that video. it was good to meet you guys Moritz Jan 8, 2006 11:27 PM Your show on saturday in kln. was so great hope to see you again in bochum! ex-straight-ex kenny HA! Jan 8, 2006 09:45 PM holy crap, you're playing lexington, ky?!?! i'm so there Christian InXsight Jan 8, 2006 06:07 PM I just heard 'What Corporate Rock Can't Say'. Rad song, love the lyrics. Angels Vs. Demons Jan 8, 2006 04:29 PM hey! haha seen you guys last friday @ the dynamo in Eindhoven! haha had allot of fun, and liked the show! even through the crowd was a bit.... lame and didnt move at all.... Arnhem was better... but hey! had one hell of a good time! http://home.deds.nl/~alexisonfire/1.jpg http://home.deds.nl/~alexisonfire/2.jpg http://home.deds.nl/~alexisonfire/3.jpg http://home.deds.nl/~alexisonfire/4.jpg http://home.deds.nl/~alexisonfire/5.jpg http://home.deds.nl/~alexisonfire/6.jpg http://home.deds.nl/~alexisonfire/7.jpg http://home.deds.nl/~alexisonfire/8.jpg my pictures of that night :) hope you like them! till next time! tadaa! Mike Jan 8, 2006 01:13 PM Im loving the new song(Corporate Rock). Can't wait for the album and hopefully a show in Montreal Tear of Phoenix Jan 8, 2006 12:09 PM Thanx for the Add !! g-funk cash $$ Jan 8, 2006 11:06 AM wait hold a minute, is the rec release with looking forjesus?!? molly Jan 8, 2006 10:25 AM thank you guys for an unforgettable show! Workers Etiquette Manual Jan 8, 2006 10:12 AM Hi folks! Thx 4 the add!!! MyLife Jan 8, 2006 10:11 AM yo suckaz! thanks for the awesome show yesterday! looking forward to see you in bochum. austria till death! Add Comment About | FAQ | Terms | Privacy | Safety Tips | Contact Myspace | Promote! | Advertise ©2003-2006 MySpace.com All Rights Reserved.

MySpace Page Editor

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myspace html code resources

Myspace HTML Code - Basic Profile Edit - Dave's HTML Tutorial FAQ davesite.com / webstation / html code tutorial / FAQ: myspace html code resources FAQ: Myspace HTML Code and Profile Resources Getting Started with Myspace.com HTML Code: Here are the basics: background-color is the background-color for a certain area, color is the text color... you can also add padding or margins if you know about them in CSS (if you don't know them yet, you can learn CSS here , which can help out your profile design immensely). To change a font, use font-family: [FONT NAME] and followed by either serif (feet) or sans-serif (feetless), e.g. .text { font-family: Impact, sans-serif; } color and background-color can be a standard color name (they're only a few) or any hexadecimal color. Know nothing about hexadecimal color codes? Search right below: Web davesite.com Place your <STYLE> ... </STYLE> Code in the ABOUT ME box while editing your PROFILE. <STYLE>/* This one does the main table text throughout most of the profile. I suggest changing this one first */ table table table td { background-color: yellow; color: red; } /* THIS ONE DOES YOUR NAME */ .nametext { color: orange; padding: 5px; font-family: Impact, sans-serif; font-size: 16pt; } /* THIS ONE DOES LINKS (DESCRIPTIONS) in ABOUT ME */ a.searchlinkSmall:link { color: blue; } /* THIS ONE DOES THE BACKGROUND/TEXT ON THE RIGHT SIDE, if you want it different */ .text table tr td { background-color: orange; } /* THIS ONE DOES MOST OF THE TEXT IN THE ABOUT ME SECTION */ .text table tr td p { color: blue; } /* THIS ONE DOES THE WHO'D I LIKE TO MEET AND COMMENTS TEXT */ .text td { color: white; } /* this one does the contact table, if you want it different */ .contactTable td { background-color: EEEEEE; } /* this one does the regular page links */ a:link { color: red; } /* THESE ARE BACKGROUND COLORS -- TRY THEMOUT! */ body { background-color: transparent; } table { background-color: transparent; } table table { background-color: transparent; } /* this does "[NAME] is in your [blah] NETWORK" */ .blacktext12 { background-color: red; padding: 4px; color: white; } /* this one does the DATES in the COMMENTS area */ .blacktext10 { color: green; } /* this one does the text headers on the left side */ .whitetext12 { color: black; } /* this one does the labels on the left "General", "Status", etc.) */ .lightbluetext8 { color: red; }/* THIS DOES TEXT "ABOUT ME" "FRIENDS SPACE" FRIENDS COMMENTS" */ .orangetext15 { color: yellow; padding: 2px; }</STYLE> Please also see: Codes for Adding Music and Videos to your Myspace Profile Codes for Changing your Myspace Background Image Back to the Myspace HTML FAQ Page Note: I am not directly affiliated with Myspace.com, I'm just a member. Please see the Myspace Site for official Myspace information. Good Luck and Enjoy Myspace! All trademarks are the sole property of their respective owners. [ Back to the FAQ! | Back to the Tutorial ] | css guide / tutorial | html guide / tutorial | javascript guide / tutorial | top ten lists (humor) | dave's cancer book | hodgkin's disease story | tropical rainforests info | history of the internet | dave's e-zine | cheap & affordable domain web hosting tutorial & guide |

MySpace Codes to Link

Fast Fast Car Awesome Video / MySpace Video Codes Home | Memberspace | Submit Content | Contact | Privacy Policy Your source for funny videos , funny pictures and more updated daily. Be sure to bookmark us by clicking here. NEW!! We now provide you the video, game and picture codes to place any of our content on your MySpace or other blog! Search BoFunk Username Password ( Register | Lost Password ) Navigation Home Pictures Flash Games Soundboards Register Submit Content Memberspace Contact Categories Awesome Chicks Crazy Cute Fights Funny Interactive Nasty Other Painful Ridiculous Signs Stupid Ideas WTH Sponsor Fast Fast Car Next Click here to add this video to your MySpace! IM to a Friend | Send to a Friend | Add to Favorites | Save to Computer | Comments We added another video server to hopefully speed up the videos, if you have any trouble, please contact us by clicking here and let us know and please include the link to the video. -- Random Videos Please link to: More related videos you may like Skimboarding F-18 Sound Barrier Pacers Pistons Brawl Street Racing Accidents Dying in Car Accident Cloud Flying Folding Shirts Quick Justice Washing Machine Goes Boom Mary Poppins Lawnmower MySpace / Xanga / Blog Video Code Options Video Embed Codes Add Directly to MySpace Thats right!! You can now insert the video directly into your MySpace profile without having to copy the code! Open another web browser (leaving this window open) and login to your MySpace account. Then simply select where you want the video to go from the dropdown below and click "Add to MySpace" ! -SELECT FROM BELOW- Music General Movies Television Books Heroes or Copy and paste the code where you want it (This works on MySpace, Xanga, etc.) Video and Code Provided by BoFunk.com Copy to clipboard Video Link Codes MySpace Codes to Link to the Video With Thumbnail Image (example) Watch Video Here Fast Fast Car Copy to clipboard MySpace Codes to Link to the Video (Text only) Watch Video: Fast Fast Car Copy to clipboard Read and Post Comments on this Video soldierjoe83 I was stationed in Germany and people are crazy like this. 300kpm= 180 mph 12.17.05 Please login to post a comment or register here Buddies MySpace Picture Codes Funny Stuff MySpace Image Codes Time Killer Kontraband WTF People Top Humor Sites Insane Videos Link Partners Free Downloads Need For Fun Funny Video Clips Clip Dump Ringtone Dump Funny Videos Unoriginal Funny Videos Hans-Wurst Entertainment Crazy Babysitter Priceless Funny Pictures Humor Guide!! Funny Videos Crazy Fun madsalmon.net Humor4You Funny Web Zone! Hawt Priceless Funny Videos Twisted Gaia Flush The Web Doshur Raw Meat Funnymovies.net First-Ward Play Music AchterIn I am Bored mpam.gr Free Ringtones More Sites Add Your Site All Rights Reserved - Design BoFunk 2004 - Images & content their respective owners Page took 0.893903 seconds to load.