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What, are you all playing communists tonight? --Union Square Overheard by: sevenphonecalls Continue reading "Gimme Shelter, Wednesday One-liners" Link To or Email this Post Wednesday One-liners Are a Dumb Idea Suit on cell: Yeah, but none of us respect Alex...Why? Because he's a retard! --53rd & 5th Overheard by: Sara B. Continue reading "Wednesday One-liners Are a Dumb Idea" Link To or Email this Post Wednesday One-liners is Just a Number Guy: Well, she was like 35, so she wasn't hot ... --21st & 6th Overheard by: Tommy Raiko Continue reading "Wednesday One-liners is Just a Number" Link To or Email this Post Wednesday One-liners Can't Hold a Tune Woman: I don't even know why we're here. 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Just because she's anorexic doesn't mean she can impose her thoughts about food on you! Chick #3: Wait, wait, wait. Back up. You ate a cracker you found on the floor of the subway ? --Chinatown Ice Cream Factory, Bayard Street Link To or Email this Post Twenty Drink Minimum Promoter guy: Stand-up comedy! Are you interested in seeing some stand-up comedy tonight? Hey, I'm asking you a question. Dude: Oh, no thanks. Promoter guy: Oh, well, we also have stand-up misery. --Times Square Overheard by: Adam Robbins Link To or Email this Post Ironically She Watches Judge Judy on It Woman: Once in a store, a guy left his bag on the floor and I snatched his wallet right out of it. Man: Boy, you sure are lucky. Woman: I know, I took the money and bought me a TV. --A train Link To or Email this Post My Anti-Drug? Being a Retard Girl #1: For our next trip, my parents want to go on a cruise to Alaska. Girl #2: Oh my god, no! Haven't you seen the Titanic? Girl #1: I know, right? Plus, it's cold. I mean look at March of the Penguins . They die there. --F train Queer: So some stranger just approached me and asked me to fuck her and her husband on Staten Island...Wait, it was Ellis Island. Yeah, she wanted me to fuck with the Statue of Liberty. Hag: Oh, that's too bad. Staten Island is nice. --Union Square Overheard by: Tina L. Link To or Email this Post She's Been Listening to the New Stern Show Old lady: Please stop! Conductor: I didn't see you. The train pulls away. Old lady: Fuckhead. --23rd Street F station Link To or Email this Post The Grade Comes Nine Months Later ("An F ?") Guy: Wait, how's that work, exactly? Girl: Well, you have sex according to the woman's menstrual cycle, you know, and you just don't have sex when she's ovulating. Guy: Don't you have to take a health class or something to do that? --Union Square Overheard by: Katie Link To or Email this Post They Eat Crow Guy: Let my put it this way: if a vegetarian eats vegetables, what the hell do you think a humanitarian eats? Girl: Oh, shut up. --Hayden Hall Residence, Washington Square West Overheard by: Kristina Y Link To or Email this Post What a Moneron Ticket guy: I'm sorry ma'am, my computer is being awfully slow. Ticket gal: Maybe your computer has bacteria. --Hotel Pennsylvania, 7th Avenue Link To or Email this Post Daddy's Favorite Second Choice Barbershop quarter guy: Hey, she's walking on the outside. That means she's available. Tell that guy you're with that walking on the outside means you're available. Guy: Um, she's my sister. --Spring & Wooster Russian guy: You should introduce me to your sister Frat guy: Hell no, man. Russian guy: I would introduce you to my sister. Frat guy: Dude, what do you do in your country? Meet in neutral territory and swap family members? --23rd & 10th Overheard by: Mariclair Partee Link To or Email this Post Patrick McGoohan Finally Gives In Flyers girl: Hi, would you like to come to a party? Guy: No, thanks. Flyers girl: Why do people keep lying to me? Guy: I'm not a person. --14th & Broadway Overheard by: Will Person Link To or Email this Post This Rorschach is Quite Revealing Man #1: Hey man, why are you hanging out with her? She's a total dickbag. Man #2: Dude, I'm imagining like...a bag...of...like...dicks? --114th & Broadway (cf. this entry .) Link To or Email this Post January 08, 2006 It's French for Steve Nanny #1: Who were you named after, Paulette? Nanny #2: My father. Nanny #1: Oh, what was his name? Nanny #2: Ette . --Washington Square Park Link To or Email this Post For Everything Else, There's MasterCard? Guy #1: Remember that time last week when I like fucking killed Frank? Guy #2: Huh? Guy #1: When I fucking killed Frank? Guy #2: Who? Guy #1: Frank. Guy #2: Oh, ha, ha! Priceless. --Columbia University Link To or Email this Post Spies S. Morgan Friedman Publisher Michael Malice Editor ...and 8 million of their closest friends Heard something? Submit a contribution Listening in on our Sponsors Hidden Cameras Stock Market Investing FSliver Necklaces Your Ad Here Totally Alsome Quotes Our New Motto You Always Bring It Back To You Clearly Unemployed I'm Enjoying the Sodomy, Though Take, Eat, This is My Body Go Back to Israel! Nothing Makes Me Come Like Some Zyklon We don't serve that here Sadly, This Isn't Fiction Either Kids These Days, I Tell Ya... Out of the Mouths of Babes Get This Man a TV Show! 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