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Kebabylon » VIRGIN MY ARSE, MORE LIKE TIRED WHORE Home | About | Archives | Links | Contact Thu 30 Dec 2004 VIRGIN MY ARSE, MORE LIKE TIRED WHORE Posted by Kevin under General Another thing I have noticed about 2005 is that my writings on here have definitely improved. Kebabylon started out as a myriad of pictures and links with very little writing. As time has progressed I have written more and linked less. Nowadays I very rarely link to anything unless it is of utter quality, such as the David Hasslehoff link from last week. Something like that just demands to be linked to. I also found this and it is pretty much fantastic too. He appears to have hired the same highly skilled web developers that Mr Hasslehoff retained. As we move into 2005 I think I will be posting more onto the website. Maybe even twice a day! I also intend to start a campaign of letter writing to various companies next year, obviously with a slightly sarcastic / comic twist. I quite enjoyed my Tottenham Hotspur application (and page 2 ) and their subsequent reply . Notice I said reply, not rejection. So in light of next years up and coming posts, have a read of the letter I have just sent to Virgin Rail today. Oh how I laughed. Dear Virgin Rails Telephony Manager, I would like to write to make you aware of my feelings (and probably that of the masses) about your voice activated sales telephone system. My word its annoying isnt it. You want me, the buyer, the person that you should be enticing, the potential customer, to spend ten minutes on a telephone talking in staccato with an automatic robot voice female who takes an age to recognise my answer. I admire your commercial tactics. Let me take you through the conversation I have just had with the voice system. I dial 08457 222333. I am greeted with Hello, welcome to Virgin Trains sales centre. If you are new to this automated voice system then please say help at any time. It is at this point that I have to make my first choice; do I admit to my frailties and the fact I have not used it before and enjoy the ten minute child like training session or do I just I blunder on and live life on the edge? After much deliberation I opt for the rollercoaster ride of not admitting my lack of experience in your sales system. I am then asked by femabot what station I would like to be travelling from. Edinburgh I reply. Sorry, I did not recognise your answer. I is an interesting choice of word for a programmed female voice. Are we trying to give human traits to an automatic voice system. Is she the equivalent of Sonny from I, Robot. Is she special? Edinburgh I answer again. Edinburgh? she questions like a strict school teacher. Yes I eventually confirm. And where are you travelling to? Preston Sorry, where was that? You can see as I did, that there is a trait starting here. Is giving you money really meant to be this painful? Once we had sorted the locations out, we moved onto the dates; 3rd of February I start again. Sorry I did not recognise that date, could you repeat it?. What part of 3rd of February is hard to pick up. Even with the strongest of accents I would have thought that any word beginning with the sound Fe would be automatically recognised as February. It isnt exactly going to be August or December is it? We then move onto the time; 3 oclock I answer thinking this might finally be the easiest part. In the morning or afternoon? Ms Sunny asks me. In the f*cking morning, 3am, when none of your trains run! In the afternoon for f*cks sake I suggest as my anger reaches breaking point. Sorry, I did not recognise your answer. At this point I realise that as much as you have tried to make your system sound like a confirming and pleasant school teacher, I have found her fault. Any school teacher I know would have picked up on my choice language and she didnt even register a single emotion at my outburst. A slapped arse indeed is what I would expect, not a simple Please state your time of travel again. P*ss Sorry? P*ss I do not understand Hairy c*ck I am struggling to understand your time of travel Ahhh how I laughed. I felt like a child again. The fema-schoolteacher-bot was allowing me to curse incessantly. She didnt bat an eyelid. P*ss, c*ock, arse, nipple, jobbie I was dribbling like a borstal living tearaway. After the mild amusement of the previous twenty seconds, I then spend another minute getting my times firmly confirmed. She confirms back to me. We are finally there. I am then told that I will transfer to an operator. My call so far has been about four and half minutes. I am put on hold. I eventually get through to someone, after some quite awful hold music I must add, after seven minutes. So you are travelling to Prestonpans on the 3rd of January is the opening line of the actual human being. It is here that I lose all faith with your company. Is it so hard to just have a system where I can just talk with someone and purchase tickets? It amuses me that this appears to be in complete contravention of Section 3.2 of your Passenger Charter where you gleefully claim; We want tickets to be easy to buy. Ha, chance would be a fine thing eh? Could you please at least muster some effort to explaining why you use a very annoying and time consuming telephone system that appears to not actually work? I would also like some sort of lame and company standard apology about the ten minutes of my life that you wasted on me finding out how annoying and time consuming your telephone sales system is. Ideally it will start with the line Dear Sir and will contains quotes like We at Virgin and profusely apologise and no need for the swearing I look forward with almost orgasmic anticipation. Yours not faithfully whatsoever, Kevin Feely. -- Leave a Reply Name Mail (will not be published) Website XHTML: You can use these tags: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <code> <em> <i> <strike> <strong> -- Archived Entry Post Date : Thursday, Dec 30th, 2004 at 1:59 pm Category : General Do More : You can leave a response , or trackback from your own site. Design Downloaded from www.vanillamist.com
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Name: Bert MacQueen Email: bmacqueen@neo.rr.com Location: Loudonville, OH USA Date: Monday, July 30, 19101 at 00:06:51 Comments: Thanks for the website. You are truely a inspiration! GOD Bless you and your goals. Never give up. Name: Donna Brostek Email: d6broste@wmich.edu Location: Kalamazoo, MI USA Date: Saturday, June 9, 19101 at 22:01:33 Comments: Thank you for allowing me the chance to get to know you, your wonderful attitude is an inspiration to us all. I wish you the best of luck in the future, may all your dreams come true! If I can ever help you in any way, just let me know. Name: Larry and Kristi Ackland, Saviour Watches Int'l Email: lkackland@worldnet,att.net Location: Kissimmee, FL US Date: Wednesday, May 30, 19101 at 19:00:16 Comments: "Great motivational story for us all, Ryan!" Once you receive the package, give us a call...."God's Highest In Your Life!" 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Name: George Email: george@etnj.com Location: Lodi, NJ USA Date: Saturday, April 7, 19101 at 20:09:42 Comments: I was very inspired by your directness. God bless you in all you do. I can tell you honestly as an experienced Web Master for over 7 years, Your site is EXCELLENT!!! Name: Ken Motter Email: krookedken@tattoos.com Location: Denton, Md USA Date: Thursday, April 5, 19101 at 07:58:34 Comments: Go Get'em. The reading was inspirational so I am sure having a chance to hear you speak would be an honor. Name: Jay Email: defiantsaint@aol.com Location: Taunton, MA United States Date: Wednesday, April 4, 19101 at 12:52:13 Comments: Outstanding attitude Amigo... The only difficult obstacles in life are the ones that you "allow" to stand in your way !!! I myself have a younger brother that was born w/ similar deformities and he inspires me everyday. Keep the faith and everything in life will fall right into place..... Best regards, Jay Rivera Name: Jay Email: defiantsaint@aol.com Location: Taunton, MA United States Date: Wednesday, April 4, 19101 at 12:51:39 Comments: Outstanding attitude Amigo... The only difficult obstales in life are the ones that you "allow" to stand in your way !!! I myself have a younger brother that was born w/ similar deformities and he inspires me everyday. Keep the faith and everything in life will fall right into place..... Best regards, Jay Rivera Name: rusty moore Email: rpm@asadatasolutions Location: santa barbara, ca 91039 Date: Wednesday, March 21, 19101 at 02:37:02 Comments: senor peralta, your site is nice to look at. good job. Name: Greg Jardine Email: gregory.jardine@fidelity.com Location: Dallas, TX USA Date: Tuesday, March 20, 19101 at 21:20:08 Comments: I've enjoyed reading your inspiring story and I look forward to hearing more about you in the future. May God continue to bless all of your many talents. Name: Bill Reinherd Email: b_rein@yazoo.com Location: Baltimore, MA USA Date: Thursday, March 8, 19101 at 15:04:58 Comments: You are an inspiration to me and to everyone that knows your story.. You will be whatever you want to be. Name: Ron Meyers - Xtreme Tattoos Email: Rmeyers2@Tattoos.com Location: Roseville, MI USA Date: Tuesday, February 27, 19101 at 08:59:08 Comments: Hey Ryan, Your site looks Awesome man! But then again I never had a doubt....you're the killer WebDesigner! Keep up the good work! Ron Name: Wendy Email: wmp3178@aol.com Location: Highland, MI USA Date: Tuesday, February 27, 19101 at 08:52:48 Comments: Ryan, Outstanding site, I wish you the best in all you the best in all you do, your talent exerts you each day. Good luck in everything and Congratulations on the great news. Take care as always! Love, Wendy Name: Kimberly Email: shortnsaweet@yahoo.com Location: st.clair shores, Mi. United States Date: Monday, February 26, 19101 at 12:38:40 Comments: Ryan...u never cease to amaze me...I know you can do anything you put your mind to do....you have not only been my son...but my friend....and most important I feel that I was able to grow through you....you are a good...funny..motivated...kind hearted person...and I am very fortunate that God gave me you.. You have taught not only myself but others...and you in turn have grown through them...Always fly..in the direction your heart tells you...I love you..your MOM Name: Karen Email: kbcmedia@email.com Location: Haddonfield, NJ USA Date: Saturday, February 24, 19101 at 20:54:27 Comments: Ryan.. This is an outstanding site. You are truly multi-talented and an inspiration to the world! I look forward to helping you achieve some of your professional goals. I am confident you will be a huge success in whatever you choose to do ,whether it be acting, motivational speaking and or web design. I wish you all the success and happiness in your life. Name: Colleen - Zen Pictures Email: colleen@zenpictures.com Date: Friday, February 23, 19101 at 19:14:02 Comments: Great site! Found you thru Karen. Keep up the great work, you're inspiring!! Good luck with all. Name: Hudson Peralta Email: ryan@HudsonPeralta.com Location: Detroit, MI USA Date: Wednesday, February 21, 19101 at 12:33:07 Comments: I would like to welcome everyone to leave a message in the guestbook....
Whore Train
eXile - Issue #185 - Whore-R Stories - The Coal Miner's Daughter - By Mark Ames Moscow-based alternativenewspaper Search the eXile All Issues This Issue This Author This Column | Advanced Search... Email thousands of beautiful Russian Ladies! Home | Archive | Club Guide | Restaurant Guide | Songs | Field Guide To Moscow | Political Trading Cards | About Us Browse Column (19) Previous (12) Next (6) The Coal Miner's Daughter By Mark Ames ( editor at exile ru ) Browse Author (147) Previous (101) Next (44) I went to two parties and two nightclubs over the weekend, and the whole time I don't think I talked to a single woman. Or if I did, I don't remember it. That's because I had about as much lust in me as a box of fax paper. As Sunday night wore on and I was supposed to get started on this issue, I started to feel the first little jolts of lust shocking my loins. It always happens this way when I have a lot of work to do, and I've let that work fester without treating it. So rather than write, I hooked onto www.vipdosug.ru and found myself a whore. Her name was listed as "Lara," and she appeared to have a thin, taut young body, long red hair and nice small breasts that I could cup in my hands. She claimed that she was 20 years old, though by her picture she appeared to be 18. And she charged $100 for a two hour visit. When I called and gave her my address, it was clear she was an out-of-towner. I had to explain where I live a few times. She promised to be over in an hour, but since she "lived" (to the extent that a whore lives somewhere) only two metro stops away, she was at my podezd within 40 minutes. The dezhurnaya downstairs called my home phone. "Mark! A dyevushka's here to see you!" she barked, disapprovingly as always. It's strange, you pay those old babushka a quarterly stipend to "protect" you, and all they do is make you feel self-conscious every time you order a whore delivered to your door. Where's the logic in that, I ask. When she arrived at the door, I could see why the dezhurnaya was a little more gruff than normal. My whore was accompanied by a thug who looked like something right out of a Dorozhny Patrul jail line-up: he was thick, about six feet tall, in a black leather coat, black pants, and one of those black leather ski caps with the black cloth rim, and thick flat-toed shoes. I caught it all in one glance because I've seen these "collectors" join their whores about 20% of the time, and they all look and dress alike. As per their orders, I paid the "courier," the guy whose job it was to collect the cash. I closed the door and he left. Lara didn't look a whole lot like her photo, but as I've said many times, we're talking about used cars here, folks. They always look a lot cleaner and shinier in the photo than they do in person. Lara had dyed her hair black, and that made her face seem much harsher than in the photo. The features were more chiseled and broad and square rather than soft and angled and young. Her teeth had large gaps. She wore a black t-shirt with the word "Love" written in pink and gold sparkles, and black pants laced on the calf. She entered my kitchen then stared out of the window down onto the Moscow river. "Klass," she said. "This is the nicest view of any apartment I've been to in Moscow, and I've been to a lot. Oh, I could really imagine spending time here. Yes. Just sitting here in the summer, watching the barges go up the river. That would be so nice. Yeah, I could live here." "Where are you from?" I asked. "From Ukraine," she said. Thank God for Ukraine, I thought. Some day, I'm going to have to give something back to that country for all it's given me. Buy Ukrainian Savings Bonds or something. "Where in Ukraine?" "You know Ukraine?" she asked in disbelief. "Some of it, yeah. I've been there a few times." "I'm from the Donbass region. The coal mines near Donetsk. I'm from Lugansk myself." "I know Lugansk, but I haven't been there." "There's nothing in Lugansk," she said. "It's dead. We have miners. They don't get paid. They work. They die. The state steals everything from them. But they keep working and keep dying. It's an awful place. Everything in Ukraine is awful. It's the worst governed state in the world." "Are there a lot of beautiful girls like you there?" I asked, flattering her. She wasn't beautiful, although she did have energy and that softened her hard face somewhat. "No, all the beautiful girls left Lugansk. Like me -- we're all gone!" "How did you get to Moscow?" "I took a train. See -- let me go back. I was a student. Well, I never studied. I was a bad student. I wanted to become a hair stylist, but I didn't do it. I was too wild, I couldn't sit still! I was also a sportsman. I did kickboxing until two years ago. I still know it." "Have you ever had to use kickboxing?" "For this...job?" she asked. Her face grew suddenly dour. "Yes, it's...let's say it helped me. I'd rather not remember it, okay? Do you mind if I smoke?" "Go ahead. So when did you lose your virginity?" "I was sixteen. I heard that if you waited longer, it would only hurt more and more. So I got it out of the way. I was stupid. Well, anyway I met a guy. We fell in love -- I did anyway. He said all sorts of things to me. Then I had a baby. And he went into the army. Left me. Never came back. Bastard. I'll never trust a man again. They're all traitors, you know." "So are women," I said. "Everyone's a traitor," she said, but without bitterness, in fact almost cheerfully. "They're all bastards and traitors, what can you do? So anyway, I had my child. I worked different jobs. I took a job at a carwash. That was my last big job in Lugansk. Some dyadya there, a client, told me I could do...this kind of work there. I didn't, but I came here on a train and it was easy to find this type of work. I didn't come here expecting it. I was hoping to get a job selling cosmetics, anything, but that didn't work so a girl I met told me about this agency, and well, this is what I'm doing for now. But my contract ends in a few weeks." "You have to sign a contract?" I asked. "That's how it works. Three months at a time. I've been doing it for, well, this will be four months. Then I'll quit. I send money back to my family in Lugansk." "You have family?" "I have an older sister and a younger brother. He's eleven. And my baby of course. My mother died. She died last year of cancer. It was horrible, and now we really need the money." "Your father?" I asked. It usually comes down to the father. "He's alive. He lives with a woman. He has another family." "How do you send the cash to Lugansk?" "I give cash to the train conductor here in Moscow, give him a cut, and he takes it down, and someone meets him in Lugansk and takes the cash. Otherwise it'd take forever, if I used Sberbank." "Aren't you afraid the conductor will steal the cash?" I asked. She laughed. "Hasn't happened yet. But I guess it could happen. You know, it's so nice to just talk with you. Usually I show up to a client's, and right away, he wants to...he just takes me and we have sex, then he throws me out. But with you I'm much more comfortable, just talking. I like this! What about you? Where are you from?" "California." "Oh, California! California! Why are you here? Everyone wants to get out of here and go to California!" "It's more interesting here." "Yes, ekstremalno," she said. "Extreme in Moscow. Terrorism in the metro. Terrorism at concerts. That's what you like?" "We have terrorism too, if you remember," I noted. She laughed. "Yes, I remember. The sad thing is that there's no terrorism in Ukraine. Nobody cares about Ukraine. It's not even worthy of a terror act because there's nothing anyone wants from Ukraine." She laughed and shook her head. As we talked, we drank tequila with grapefruit juice. I made hers strong, and she enjoyed each cocktail, drinking more than most whores drink. "I like three things. Fruit, cigarettes and alcohol," she told me, stealing a banana. After getting half-undressed in my kitchen, we took our act to my bedroom. She didn't shower -- I guess she was getting too drunk. But that was a shame because her vagina had that end-of-the-tour-of-duty odor to it, the butt grease odor that worn-in whores get. It spoiled an otherwise cheerful night. Her breasts were small and not too squishy. Her ass was also small, and though squishy, it fit into my hand. She rolled some kind of super-small, ridiculous Soviet condom onto my unit and started to blow me, but we had to take the thing off and put on a Durex. I was kind of hoping I'd get a condomless blowjob, but I wasn't forceful with her. I'd enjoyed her company, and the power I had over her time with me, too much to spoil it with a change in the tempo. She wanted to fuck. "I can't wait," she said. She rolled onto her back, but I pulled her on top of me and told her to sit on me. Her vagina was wet and tight enough that I didn't feel like I was getting the old "hot dog in a hallway" snapper that every john dreads. She didn't need to lube with a whore swipe. Lara was really enjoying herself on top of me, or at least faking pretty convincingly that she was. Her pleasure was rooted in believing that I was interested in her stories about herself, which I was, slightly. I was trying to feel some kind of genuine interest or make some connection, or trying to feel like I should try to make a connection, but it was all fake and all internalized -- trying to conjure up genuine interest in Lara's story was contrived in a ridiculous way, like faking my own orgasm while masturbating. My aunt once said to me, while pointing to her baby grandson, "They're nothing to me until they're at least four or five years old." That's sort of how I feel about humans: they're nothing to me until I've clocked so many hours with them, a lot of hours, hours usually spaced over a matter of years. Lara pulled me on top of her and pulled her legs back. I felt like I was going to cum too quickly and I didn't want to, so I slowed it up. "Come on!" she said. "I want it. Let's go, come on!" I started to go, but all the lust that had been missing suddenly caught up with me. So I rolled over again and pulled her on top of me. This time she wouldn't wait. She started to piston-fuck me, so I figured the hell with it, I was paying, who am I trying to impress? I grabbed her small ass and used it like a giant block of sandpaper to sand down my whole pelvic region. Suddenly I exploded, and she made sounds as if she did too. I don't know -- of all the ego things, getting a whore off is just not something that makes me feel like more of a man. I'm not sure how much she faked it, both for my sake and for hers, but when she fell on top of me her heart was beating as hard and fast as a mongoose's. But the best part of our evening was to come when she rolled onto her back. After a few deep breaths she asked me what time it was. Already after two in the morning. "Oh. It's already time for me to go," she said. "I should get ready to leave." She wrote down her phone number, but as soon as she handed it to me I knew I wouldn't call her. She deserves at least a pozdravlenie on Women's Day. But I know I won't do it. Which makes me just another traitor in her life. Issue In #185 04 Mar 04 (1 year, 10 months old) Also in this Issue The Ugly Truth Feature Story byMarkAmes Moscow's girls have become uglier, and are getting increasingly ugly every year. If Moscow is no longer a haven of lust, then what is the point of living here?... In Brief In Brief US-German Thaw... Forbes List of Whores... Fradkov Mania!... Bonner for Putin?... GULAGs Re-Open, Western Investors Cheer... Viva la Resistance! byJakeRudnitsky Welcome to Warsaw, hub of the exiled Belarusian opposition movement. All twenty of 'em... Democratic Putin Voltaire de Putin (French, 18th c.)... H. Puttin Thoreau (American, 19th c.)... Putinbo Lumumba (Africa, 20th c.)... Vladimir Lincoln (American,n 19th c.)... Ksenia + Denis Club Review byDenisSalnikov By the time you read this you probably know the big news in Russia from the past week. Everyone's talking about it... A Decadent Spring Dyev's Diary byLyolyaAndrosova Spring is a marvellous season for sexually obsessed people. Really, what can be a better start for spring, than a passionate sex?... Outsourcing Thomas Friedman byTamishPhreedman Globalization is here to stay. And that's a good thing not only for Wall Street, but for Main Street too... Bardak Calendar Bardak Calendar All For Ladies. Tseppelin... Loire Culinary Festival. Panorama... Fun Loving Criminals. Tinkov Brewery... Lidia Lunch. B2... DJs Layo & Bushwacka. The Warehouse... The Monster Mash Kino Korner byMarkAmes There is a new trend I'm noticing in Hollywood - the fake independent film, the gentrification of indy movies... Haiti 2: the Rerun War Nerd byGaryBrecher Haitian history just won't stop happening. Between that last column and this one, president was booted out... Comrade Terminator Book Review byJohnDolan "Full Spectrum Disorder: The Military in the New American Century" by Stan Goff... SIC! SIC! HOLOCAUSTIC... MOTHER TUCKER... THE IDIOT... WHORE-SICA... HARDY-HAR-HARBIN... THE CONSULTANT CURSE... Death Porn Death Porn FILL HIM UP... DON'T BE A BABY... QUEER WAY TO GO... THE MOTHER-IN-LAW... Disappointments Yuri Balabin, 24... Natalya Lukina, 31... Timur Aliyev, 18... Irina Godunova, 22... Alexei Vidolov, 28... Mandela Porn Mandela Porn byNatashaMarchetti In Malvern, an 83-year old woman went to investigate the noises in her kitchen and was raped for her efforts... Drilled-Down Veggies Restaurant Review byPeterArenseberg Avocado is a quiet and dignified place, tucked into a huge Stalinesque block near Chistiy Prudiy Metro station... Set Font This feature requires JavaScript. Other Formats Printer-friendly Plain Text Email Article Email address(es): Note: Affiliate Links By buying from these merchants, you help to support and enhance our online presence. 200 beautiful RussianBrides a week! Photo galleries, personal profiles, introduction services. Travel to Russia Visa support, hotels, train tickets, tours and cruises. See your message here! Write to web_adv at exile ru Interested in advertising? Write to the_exile at mail ru "the eXile". Tel: +7 (095) 795-3376 , fax: +7 (095) 245-1415 E-mail: office at exile ru (website-related issues: webperson at exile ru )