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Whore Train
Exquisite Corpse - A Journal of Letters and Life Dirk the Lech by Pete Sniegowski From Losers: A Collection of Short Stories Admitted depravity is one thing, the other is pathos, sweet and true as honey. He liked the idea of lechery, the whole idea of it. I suppose we all have our own definition of lechery. Dirk's head was full of Sci-Fi comic book heroines with giant breasts and tear-drop asses. It was also full of far too much live KISS footage and Bad Company songs. But it went well beyond that. He wrote on his pants--spasmodic phrases--things like, BROWN, PETRIFIED RAGE!!, REMEMBER THE ORANGE GLOW!!, FURIOUS SPHOOG TUNES!! I saw him last Tuesday, patching his canoe in the front yard. He'd smeared grass clippings into the resin by accident. The fiberglass wasn't staying down. It went wherever his trowel (a stick) went. And he was saying to me, "When I get older I'll be one of those guys on the front porch yelling at kids and hooting at the chicks going by." "Leaning forward on your cane." "Right." "With shit in your diaper." "Hey!" he said with mock ferocity. "Leave my dreams alone." Resin-impregnated fiberglass strands wafted against his leg. "Dreams like the Norsky whore?" "She wasn't a whore!" But I could see that she was. In a non-violent way, Dirk considered all women to be saucy little hookers of one type or another. The ones who denied it were simply frigid, saucy little hookers, who lied to themselves, and everybody else. Usually, listening to other guys talk about sexual exploits turns my stomach slowly. Not to be prudish or anything, because I don't give a damn what they do to each other as long as there's consent and I'm not a part of it. It's just that Dirk's eyes would bulge, and he'd get this weird tick where he'd stretch his neck and look at you like a fish in a fist when he really got going on the topic of a woman's ass. Which comes back to the story of the Norsky Whore, who is, technically, not a whore. If I remember it right, she spoke four languages and, according to Dirk, had one beatific ass. Anyway, Dirk was on his way to Eastern Europe, via Amsterdam. After the airport, at the train station, he stowed his ever precious, life encompassing duffle in a locker. Within one day Dirk would turn 30. He had some half-psychotic notion that he needed to "fuck a whore" before he turned 30, because after he turned 30 he had vowed to become the son that his mother always wanted, not the irresponsible megalomaniac that he was. And fucking a whore on the day before his 30th birthday was going be the gateway of sin through which he would pass as he cleansed himself, in Amsterdam. Europe's own sin city. It seems that Dirk had reached a cross roads. And as usual, he followed the road of the misguided, mildly evil miscreant. He rationalized his plan with the knowledge that Kerouac would on occasion seek out a prostitute, which, according to Dirk, meant that he was in good company. Back to Dirk loading his duffle into a train station locker--I will give him this: Dirk was pure enough of character to know that he was a loser, simple and straight forward. Not only that, but he hated himself for it and simultaneously loved every minute of the entire, explosively hilarious paradox. I'll grant you he's twisted. But it's as true a twist as you'll ever see. Anyway, enough lionizing the loser. In scuffed, clownish boots and torn, written on clothes he headed off to a "coffee shop" to smoke some coffee. But Dirk forgot something about himself--he's a tight-wad mother fucker. And he blew a fair amount on "coffee." Which left him with only 15 bucks in his pocket (he didn't even consider trying to get more cash as this trip was "budgeted"). After ogling ass all over the street for an hour, he finally honed in on one woman in particular. Although this was not part of the story as he related it, I imagine his neck was stretched to full extension as he gaped at her boobs from the back corner of his left eye and offered her the fifteen bucks hoping she'd suck him off cut rate. No deal. Now things began to look grim--it seemed Dirk would not get to "bang his strumpet" before he turned thirty. Having set this goal for himself, and seeing it so clearly as the only way to go, he faced the stark reality of his loserdom. To fail in this matter would be bad for his future. The ramifications of failure would reverberate throughout the rest of his life. But he was a loser anyway, so he turned and followed the flow (which quickly became a line) of stoop-shouldered chicken chokers into a large grey building with girls dancing in the windows. As he and his horny, frog-eyed compatriots shuffled through dank, sound-dampened corridors, young women (possibly girls) reached out to them, beckoned them. Dirk shuffled faster. Somewhere along the line there he decided that all he really wanted to do was drool over some hot stripper while he smacked his monkey against a pole. Which was all he could afford, anyway. It was a resolution of sorts. He found his booth. You know what it smelled like, and if you don't so much the better for you. There wasn't much room. Over in the corner sat a chair with a small table by it. On the table sat a box of tissues, under it, a wastebasket. He turned to the control panel on the wall and saw that there were names next to buttons: Jackie, Lola, Sophia, etc... You get the picture. Now, Dirk was never big on doing things the way they were supposed to be done, nor was he big on patience. So, he had a look at the instructions, decided they were far too complicated and dumped a few guilder into the machine. He paused and pressed Lola because Jackie sounded a bit dikey to him and Sophia reminded him of Sophia Loren. He did not want to see Sophia Loren naked. Most of us might wait for at least a minute before we proceeded with further measures. After all, you're 3,000 miles from home, in a foreign country, wedged into a cum stained porno booth. You don't know how things operate in this neck of the woods. So you wait. Not Dirk. He says he waited a while, and, in his manic state, I expect it seemed like that at the time. I figure he waited about ten to fifteen seconds. Whereupon he pressed another button and held it for a second. Again, there was no immediate gratification. So he dumped all his money into the machine and spread his hand across all the buttons, pushing them all two or three times. Within moments a displeased looking woman in a loose robe walked into the room on the other side of the glass from Dirk. I won't subject you to the lascivious details as they were related to me. Suffice to say that he didn't look her in the face for quite some time. The stripper tried three or four different languages. Possibly because Dirk always looks like a refugee, possibly just to humble him. Either way, you gotta like it. Finally, she landed on English and demanded, "Have you ever done this before?" And here comes Dirk's second big mistake. "Yeah. Sure," he said. He earned no points with that response. Instead he gave the impression of arrogance hiding ignorance. Which doesn't get you anywhere with a stripper who's behind an inch of Plexiglas. The woman tried to explain to Dirk where to put the money and how much one thing or another cost. "You want full nude show--so much. You want masturbation--so much," and so on. Dirk wasn't paying attention. He was watching her robe fall open ever so slightly as she made her explanations--his neck stretched and twitching the whole time. He looked up at her through a haze of testosterone. "I put all my money in the machine." He pointed to the lit up buttons. The woman began to lose patience. Dirk pressed on. "I put fifteen guilder in, which entitles me to a pussy show." From there it broke into full argument. She wasn't budging and Dirk was about to lose it. Within seconds he would lose the rest of his money and get nothing, no whore to fuck before he turned 30, no pussy show, nothing. He could not face the wretched truth of it all. He argued like a fanatic. "I paid fifteen guilder to that machine. Look, right on the front there--it says fifteen guilder. Now lets have a show! Goddamnit!" That was all the woman needed to hear. She stood up straight, pulled her robe tight and left. Dirk remained in the booth for a second, then it came to him: pure failure--simple, mammoth and flat. He fled the scene quickly, which really should be the end of the story, but this is Dirk, so let's continue. He gets back to the train station and sees that his locker is open and everything is gone. He freaks. He makes his distress audible. "Oh! Oh! Oh! All my shit!" People begin to stare. He ignores them and tears off looking for the attendant. He finds the attendant talking to some older, quiet folks. No time for that. "Some mother fucker stole my shit!" He blurted. "I went... I was gone for a while and now my shit is gone! Some son-of-a-bitch..." He dragged the attendant to his locker. "You are sure this is your locker?" The attendant asked. "Of course it's my fucking locker! I'm not fucking stupid." It wasn't his locker. His was the next one to the right. After that Dirk got on the train for Eastern Europe and turned thirty the next day. He's still out there, victimizing the unsuspecting. Once, on a bleak stretch of I-80 in southern Wyoming I tried to kill him in my pick-up truck--ready and willing to sacrifice my truck and my own life if necessary. Anything to get the job done. Totaled the truck, but we both walked away with little loss of blood. No luck. Two days later he was found screaming at a seven-year-old girl who had allowed her pet bunny to get into his yard. He told her she didn't deserve a bunny if she couldn't control it. The girl was mildly retarded. She wouldn't stop crying for three days. When the mother came over later that day to exact an apology from Dirk, he refused. When things became heated, he screamed at the girl again, and in all likelihood caused permanent damage to her psyche. He hasn't apologized to this day. Last I heard, he fell for some girl in her late teens. They both decided that she didn't need the medicine the psychiatrists had prescribed and headed West in a dusty green '73 Fury station wagon. ©1999-2004 Exquisite Corpse. Site design by Compulsive Creations .
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BY JEFF INMAN MySpace.com owes Josh Applebach a van -- maybe two ... of the upper Midwest if it weren't for MySpace -- and ...
Bling MySpace
www.myspace.com/shpeck MySpace.com | Home The Web MySpace Help | SignUp Home | Browse | Search | Invite | Rank | Mail | Blog | Favorites | Forum | Groups | Events | Games | Music | Classifieds Videos | Directory | Search | Top Artists | Shows | Music Forums | Music Classifieds | Artist Signup Speck Grindcore / Experimental / Pop "ReSPECKt yourself and the rest will follow" , Profile Views: 352 Last Login: 01/09/2006 View more pics Contacting Speck MySpace URL: http://www.myspace.com/shpeck Speck General Info Member Since June 5, 2005 Band Website speck.li Band Members Lars, Vox Michael, Git Vox Niels, Drums Marlon, Bass Vox Influences Life, German Schlager music. Sounds Like Fingernails on a blackboard Record Label atreeinafield records Upcoming Shows ( view all ) Jan 28 2006 9:00P Sternen Auggen, Speck's Latest Blog Entry [ Subscribe to this Blog ] [ View All Blog Entries ] About Speck BIOGRAPHY (short) SPECK was formed in 1996, to put shitloaded moods into short songs. In the current formation, the band exists since 1998. SPECK played many locations throughout Europe and are known for outstanding brutal funny things. Toured with hip bands such as D.R.I. and the Locust, supported Murphy`s Law, Garlic Boys and not so hip ones. In 2003: Released their 6th recording, the mini album Honest Words And Broken Knuckles on ATREE IN A FIELD RECORDS. Also releasing the satirical SPECK-O-POLITAN magazine, the worlds smallest 40-page-fanzine.SPECK is Lars the flesh inker on the main mic / Marlon the booker on bass, mic and analogue footgrinder / Michi the social assistent on guitar and mic / Nielz the ecologist on drums. BIOGRAPHY (XXL) SPECK was formed one day in August 1996. Starting as a two man project back then, we (Fip and Nielz, the remnants of former bands) established the formula to put AGGRESSIVE SHITLOADED MOODS IN TO SHORT SONGS and recorded the essence on a 4-track-tapemachine. While listening to the tunes we had just recorded, we would eventually chew on a little snack consisting of bread, cheese and ... speck (swiss word for bacon). We decided to name the project "speck", because it had that supreme short sound to it - at least if one compared it to "broot" or "chs". We released the stuff. After the `96 DEMOTAPE spread itself, there was a surprisingly good feedback (mostly due to an alltime hip hop smash hit glorifying drug abuse called "Schiibe im Chessel"). We formed a band in early 1997, in order to perform the shit live. Lars and Marlon were recruited for shouting and playing bass, respectively. Soon the rest of us started to sabotage Marlon`s other band, so he could practice more often with us. He hated us for this. Anyway, "practicing" these days meant heavy partying and so he stayed with us. The other band finally broke up. At our first gig, at the "elsie elf" punk squat in Basel, where we played two bad sets and freaked out, we were asked to record some tracks for the "MAIKA" vinyl compilation, which we did. Around that time, we were thrown out of the old basement, enlarged our collection of `70ies schlager and tahitian folklore LPs and toured through squats, bars and youthclubs. We did things on stage like tuning the guitar for half an hour and then play for ten minutes. However, in the middle of a swiss-tour, guitarist Fip left the band due to exhaustment and alcoohol problems. After the pain of a half a year`s pause and strange encounters with all kinds of sixstringers, we were happy when finally Michi took over as guitarist in summer 1998, he also had contributed to one of the songs on the `96 demo. In may 1999, the content of the vinyl-only-album "MAYBE MY TATTOOS ARE THE REASON SHE LEFT ME" was recorded and mixed within 48 hours. Later that year we acknowledged the difficulties of releasing a vinyl-only-album, eventhough it featured a special interactive cover artwork. Despite the fact that tons of people were buying our Tshirts at gigs (20 times as much as LP`s), we decided to keep playing a little music instead of switching totally to the clothing industry yet. We started releasing the "SPECK-ZINE" in april 2000; a free 40 page magazine of peculiar size (a size given by the premise to produce one 40 page magazine out of one DIN A4 sheet) featuring interviews, cartoons, strange lifeguides, rumors, cooking advices, exclusive dirty pictures, seducing prosa, upcoming gigs and no ads. Every half a year there has been a further issue and an increasing number of copies of the "SPECK-O-POLITAN" up to now. No-one knows when it`s going to stop. Since we`ve succeeded to get gigs outside of walking distance from our homes, Speck declared "dirty Harry", an old black van completely equipped with a little bedroom and a fast-drive Voodoo temple, as their new home. For our drive-by gigs (3-minute guerilla sets upon unexpecting audiences), other vans are used. In 2001, a live-cut of our concert at the B-Scene-Festival in Basel was released on CD (SPECK LIVE AT B-SCENE). We toured through Austria, Germany and Poland in Oktober 2001, setting the score for non-stop-driving with a 21 hour drive between two gigs, and the score for wasting time with the guys from the border, with 4 hours. In early 2002 we released the SUPERDISCOUNT BOOTLEG 2001, featuring 27 tracks in 17 minutes, recorded at our basement. ATREE IN A FIELD RECORDS (ATIAF) was started in early 2002 by Marlon, to release stuff like SPECK, his project COMBINEHARVESTER, the Speck side-project SCHORF and more. In September 2002, Speck recorded the songs for the mini album HONEST WORDS AND BROKEN KNUCKLES, which was released on ATIAF a year later (due to accumulation of bad luck and other difficult circumstances). The CD single EN ESTE TREN NO HAY SALIDA / NIGHTTRAIN TO LAMAMINI, featuring a Speck tune, as well as a brutal Latino Version and a XL-dub remix by Nielz, was released on ATIAF in June 2003 under the name SYSTEMATIC PROVOCATIONS EXPAND CULTURAL KNOWLEDGE. In 2003, we contributed to the international vinyl compilation THE 7 INCH STUNT RECORD, VOL.1 on ATIAF and to the Fear Of God tribute compilation CONTROLLED BY FEAR, on Mexican label Goatsucker Records. We toured through Switzerland, Austria, Holland, Belgium, England and France in September/October 2003. During a really big open-air performance in our home town, we deliberately left the stage AFTER the drumset left it, because - as it seemed at that time - you get ignored if you are politely adressing your concernes to the event manager about having to play on a wrecky rental drum set. Since then it is rumored that SPECK made big money and always smash their instruments on stage, which isn't true. We continued to play shows with basically the same 30 songs for the next year to come, until we had a nervous breakdown and couldn't hear them anymore. So in spring 2005 we cancelled all shows and stopped doing concerts. We are currently busy writing new songs, finishing new recordings, travelling to far away islands, touring as musicians for other bands, etc. Speck's Friend Space Speck has 110 friends. Combineharvester TRENCHER Claudi PIP silent front melt banana beef pants esquilax View All of Speck's Friends Speck'sFriends Comments Displaying 26 of 26 comments ( View/Edit All Comments ) MAFTAO Jan 1, 2006 04:24 PM Die besten Wnsche fr's Jahr 2006!!! Euch alles Gute im neuen Jahr!!! EMET Jan 1, 2006 10:16 AM heyho merci frs Adde & guets Neues (villicht klappt im 2006 endlich mit em Weltuntergang) Gruess rockazine Dec 24, 2005 06:32 AM Merry F*N Holidays! from the "home of commando journalism", rockazine.com usa Never Put Aside Nov 3, 2005 01:56 PM ...greetz...sehen uns im Sternen/Auggen... zhne putzen, keule! Oct 11, 2005 07:15 AM ist das denn noch vegan? rich Oct 1, 2005 12:30 PM Speck is big & mighty. zhne putzen, keule! Sep 27, 2005 07:16 AM nasenhaare? jetzt hrts aber echt auf...tztztz! zhne putzen, keule! Sep 25, 2005 07:30 AM haha...welche? der scheitel?? zhne putzen, keule! Sep 25, 2005 05:47 AM hey speckis...finds echt lustig, dass man hier wirklich jeden findet...grsse. extreme decay Sep 16, 2005 11:08 AM !!!your rulez!!! grind on.. extremedecay indonesian grinding thanks for adding us.. xcorrupshitxdancexelectrox Sep 15, 2005 11:38 PM hey guys thx for adding us grind on... Sickboy Sep 15, 2005 01:41 PM YESSSS!! Wow - you guys are awesome!! GRIND-ON Faster! KILL! kinetic crash cooperation Sep 15, 2005 10:54 AM thanks for adding kinetic-attack. we should play switzerland together, hehe! cheers from germany! Ah! Bees! Sep 14, 2005 01:51 PM i'm really digging the higher pitched screams. sick shit dudes. -scott acoustic suicide Sep 14, 2005 09:22 AM hello fellow grindcorers Kids Explode Sep 14, 2005 08:12 AM gruezi in die nachbarstadt!! odrr? dreck! Sep 14, 2005 06:09 AM hallo! danke frs adden! speck und dreck! das wr doch was...! ;) ...let's start with the typewriters. Sep 10, 2005 03:56 PM i like your band KLANG!!! Sep 5, 2005 07:16 AM yeah ! that's what I call rock n roll !!!!! TRENCHER Sep 3, 2005 12:59 PM guten tag speck , we would love to meet you , but not before ripping your fucking eyes out and unzipping your fucking hearts , one by one. burn in hell!! Punished Earth Sep 3, 2005 05:29 AM Hello Dudes Great sounds u have there. Hope we can soon do something together. See ya Hecate Sep 2, 2005 11:09 AM SPECK is BASEL'S BEST BAND! i await your forthcoming shows!! xox hecate silent front Sep 1, 2005 02:44 AM no you didnt, but thank you for letting me know! yours sincerly silentfrontxxx Jamie Tendencies Jun 26, 2005 03:56 AM Come back soon. Fashion Magazine Jun 21, 2005 07:32 AM hallo speck! MAFTAO Jun 5, 2005 11:54 AM Moin, Gruezi, Bienvenu Danke fr's Adden !!! berhaupt cool, da man sich HIER wieder trifft !!! Eure Konzerte sind der Hammer !!! Add Comment About | FAQ | Terms | Privacy | Safety Tips | Contact Myspace | Promote! | Advertise ©2003-2006 MySpace.com All Rights Reserved.
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