Whore Train
>>>
eXile - Issue #149 - Chess - eXile: 1, Whore: 0 Moscow-based alternativenewspaper Search the eXile All Issues This Issue This Column | Advanced Search... Email thousands of beautiful Russian Ladies! Home | Archive | Club Guide | Restaurant Guide | Songs | Field Guide To Moscow | Political Trading Cards | About Us Browse Column (9) Previous (5) Next (3) eXile: 1, Whore: 0 W hat is the War on Terror about if not victory? Full spectrum domination of a vastly inferior, if pesky, foe. We here at the eXile sports desk take this War very seriously, and for this eXtra special War on Terrorism issue that no one in the family should miss, we decided to set the tone for the inevitable victory over the forces of evil currently assailing the civilized world. You see, since the inception of the eXile chess column, we have routinely been subjected to humiliating defeats by some of Russia's finest chess minds. The eXile's record against Russia's chess masters stood at an astounding 0-19. This could not be tolerated. So for this issue, in the interest of rallying the forces of good, we decided to trot out the worst possible opponent we could think of to beat mercilessly and halt our pathetic losing streak. The easiest foe. The Iraq of the chess opponents' world. That's right: we called a whore. A whore to play chess against us. We nit you shot. Procuring a whore in Moscow to play chess with is not as easy as you might think, however. Even for money. They'd rather bone than brain. Results of calls to girls advertised in the Moscow Times were varied: Call #1 Woman answering phone: Da? [seductively] eXile: I'd like to hire a girl to play chess with me. Do you have any girls who play chess? Woman: [hangs up] Call #2 Woman answering phone: Da? [seductively] eXile: Do you have any girls who play chess? Woman: That's an interesting request. I've never heard that before. eXile: Well do you? Woman: Let me check. [sets down phone, murmuring can be heard in the background for 10 seconds] We have girls who can play checkers and cards. It will be $100 per hour. eXile: I need a girl who can play chess. Woman: You know, girls don't play chess. If you want to play chess, why do you need to call a girl? Can't you just find a man to play with for free? eXile: Good point. Thanks Girls don't play chess? This is Russia for shit's sake! Can't a po' eXhole find a regular ol' blyad to push some pawns?!? After several more calls with similar results, we decided to try our own eXile advertisers to see what they could offer us: Woman answering phone: Da? [seductively] eXile: I want a girl who will play chess with me. Woman: Well, for $200 you can have her for the whole night and do anything you like with her. eXile: I would prefer not to have to teach her how to play. Woman: Why not? You will have lots of time! eXile: I'll think about it and call you back. With about 10 calls behind us and no luck in finding a chess-playing whore, the $200 gig to teach a girl and then play her seemed like the best bet. An hour for the $100 MT girls would not leave a lot of time for pre-game lessons. But given the lack of any sort of assurance that a $200 reimbursement would be provided by our crack Levite accountant squad, we decided to bite the bullet and order a $50 girl for two hours from Moscow's renowned newspaper of record, the weekly Tsentr Plus, which we had found in our mailbox. We just had to hope that she could tell a rook from an uncut unit. The woman fielding the call said that at the moment (6 p.m. on a Saturday) she had four girls available and asked us what kind of girl we wanted. Not being too concerned about the quality -- we were still ravaged from a depraved bachelor party the night before, nullifying any hope of achieving an erection and popping a sleep-inducing Imovane seemed a much more attractive option than a Viagra at this point -- we asked the helpful madame to send the girl with the prettiest face. In a little less than a half an hour she arrived. After her oversized flathead escort in tan jeans and a flannel shirt had searched every room in the apartment, including the toilet in which a rotten loaf had just been pinched -- much to his dismay, according to his pained grimace upon exiting the toilet -- our opponent, 22-year old Anya, was allowed to enter our one-room eXile apartment. Anya, slightly plump with long black hair and possessing the requested attractive face, was dressed in a long, light-blue jean skirt with a jean jacket of the same color over a white blouse. She stood in front of the doorway with her black leather purse draped over her shoulder looking at us, the royal us, nervously, slightly shifting her weight from one foot to the other. The escort left, slamming the door. We led her into the living room. A short interview revealed that Anya is a veterinary student from the Ukraine who came to Moscow with three other girlfriends to work in Moscow for two weeks during their summer vacation. "Yeah, that's great. Can you play chess?" we asked. "Yes. My father taught me when I was little." We informed her that all she had to do was play a game of chess with us, and that after that she would be free to leave. Impotence, the plague of the eXile staff in the post-Yeltsin era, had gripped us by the balls. "Fine," she said. We set up the large wooden pieces on the flat, rubber-mat chess board and sat down across from young Anya. She drew white. The beautiful thing about chess is that every game that was ever played and notated can be replayed exactly and studied by even the lowliest of amateurs. No basketball fan can even come close to recreating Jordan's shot over Bryon Russel to win the 1998 NBA Finals, or Dwight Clark's catch of Montana's pass against the Cowboys in 1981. But any fool can sit down over a chess board and play out -- according to notation -- 14 year-old Bobby Fischer's "Game of the Century" against Donald Byrne in 1956, contemplating and moving the pieces just as Bobby did. The point is that chess games, when written down, are preserved perfectly for posterity. And Anya left the chess world a fucking beaut. Let's take it to the board... Anya (White) vs. eXile (Black) 1.g3 e5 Anya plays Benko's Opening, named after French/Hungarian/American Grandmaster Pal Benko. Benko made a splash (including upsets of Mikhail Tal and Fischer) in the 1962 Candidates' tournament at Curacao with this opening. He later revealed that he had selected it only to avoid heavily analyzed lines from his opponents! eXile suspects that Anya is using the same strategy. 2.g4??? The typical line in Benko's Opening continues with White's fianchetto of its king bishop (2. Bg2). There is no possible explanation for Anya's second move. There is no record of this move ever being played...anywhere. 2...d5 3.b3? "Blyad's Gambit" (1. g3 e5 2. g4 d5 3. b3) Anya gives up g-pawn for no compensation. We will be submitting this line (1.g3 e5 2.g4??? d5 3.b3?) to various chess journals worldwide to be recognized by grandmasters and amateurs alike as "Blyad's Gambit." 3...Bxg4 4.Na3 Nf6 Anya has prepared to fianchetto her queen's bishop, but instead mysteriously moves... 5.c3?? Nc6 eXile quietly develops it's light pieces, firing up a Parliament Light and blowing the smoke in Anya's face. She has just quit smoking. 6.Nc2 Anya, like many Russian girls, appears to be a horse-lover. Herewith begins a monumental 4-move journey of her knight all the way to the other side of the board, as Anya completely ignores basic chess principles of developing different pieces and establishing central pawns. 6...Bd6 7.Ne3 Qd7 8.Ng2 0-0-0 9.Nh4 Rhe8 eXile prepares to march its e-pawn toward Anya's king with the support of the king's rook. A cross-board trek for Anya's queen's knight 10.b4?? e4 11.Ng2 Anya's knight again feels a bit uncomfortable and decides to seek safety on g2. The eXile has plenty of dangerous continuations to choose from, including: 11... Ne5 12. Qb3 Be6 13. Nf4 Nd3+ 14. exd3 Bxf4 15. Qa3 exd3 16. Qxa7. Instead eXile opts for the simple and effective... 11...d4 12.cxd4 12...Nxd4 13.b5? An interesting decision, in the same way that the Danny Pearl decapitation video is interesting. Obviously white's b-pawn should be protected with 13. a3 13...Qxb5 14.h3 Bh5 15.h4?? It's time for the eXile to lower the Patrick Bateman chainsaw on Anya. There are many possibilities, including 15...Be5 with the attack on Ra1, but the eXile goes for the throat quickly. 15...Qc6 Necessary here is 16. Ne3 (16... Nd5 17. Bh3+ Kb8 18. Kf1 Nxe3+ 19. fxe3 Nc2 20. Rb1 Bg3 21. Rb3 Bxh4 22. Kg2) to protect against 16...Nc2+ and White loses its queen. Anya instead opts for the shocking... 16.Bb2?? Nc2+ 17.Qxc2 The white king's only escape from checkmate. 17...Qxc2 Anya should resign here (indeed, she should have much earlier), but then again, a 22-year-old whore from the Ukraine has probably seen worse in her life. That's what we call CHECKMATE, bee-yaaaaaaaaaaatch!!!!! 18.e3 Qxb2 Anya gives up her bishop. Her rook is next. 19.Rd1 Bxd1 There goes the rook. 20.Kxd1 Bb4 Mate in two moves if Anya moves 21. Nf3 (21...Rxd2+ 22. Nxd2 Qxd2#) 21.Nf4??? She takes the quick way out. 21...Qxd2# 0-1 And there it is, folks. The eXile "nuts the fuck up" and wins. If you're counting, that's 1-19. The dirty ass ho' went down! "Who's the bitch now, bitch?" we said, taunting her with a flaccid finger. "Chto?" she asked. "Nechego. Spasibo." Anya took the opportunity to leave unmolested, only vaguely disappointed that the eXile didn't nub her with our withered unit. And for us, oh my Brothers, it was one little white pill, and sleep, sweet sleep... Issue In #149 06 Sep 02 (3 years, 4 months old) Also in this Issue The Ghosts of 9 / 11 Feature Story The eXile channels the lost souls of the World Trade Center terror attack, and lets them tell their heart-wrenching tales of courage, tragedy, and, yes, petty malice... Powell Rift Exposed Bush Administration sources tell of a widening rift between National Security Adviser Condaleeza Rice and Secretary of State Colin Powell... DEA: Speed Funds Terror The DEA announced that it had cracked a major methamphetamine ring, some of whose proceeds might be diverted to terrorist groups such as Hezbollah... Terror Porn Death Porn MAO CAN TOO... EL DORADO... BIN DRINKEN... ISLAM OR BUST... Your Letters SIC! SANTOS, THE LATINO DUNCETER... THE WAR HERD... DIRTY ASS I-DUH-HO... WAR SUGGESTION... ON THE MARK... THE MARK-UIS DE [sic]... ACRONYM OD... BURNING BEARD... Ames: Times, Jornal Revenues Linked To Al Qaeda eXile editor Mark Ames holds a press conference, linking rival English-language newspapers The Moscow Times and The Russia Journal to Middle Eastern terrorist groups... Remedial Slander! Today it's Greenland - the biggest cheater on the map... Rudnitsky: Breakup With Girlfriend Linked To War on Terror A relationship between an eXile editor and a student girl was broken off when it was revealed that continuing it might harm America's War on Terror... We're Sorry Club Review We admit it. We messed up. Due to an unscheduled binge, the eXile is unable to bring you the regularly featured club review... Bardak Calendar Goldie... Incognito... Grazhdanskaya Oborona... Egg Fest... Latin Party... Happy Hours... Flounder!... Next Terror Attack Already Not Funny Editorial The next terror attack on the United States is already not funny - this is the thing all Americans already agree on... U-Sir: U Won't Believe It! The eXile is proud to unveil the latest addition to our U-Sir Friendly software family: the McChes-O-Matic!... Spielberg Needs A Stalker Kino Korner byMarkAmes Mark Ames reviews MINORITY REPORT, the new movie by Steven Spielberg... Dr. Dolan's Torture Tips byJohnDolan Practical Solutions to Your "People Problems"... The Russian Hack Book Review byJohnDolan John Dolan reviews "The Russia Hand" by Strobe Talbot... Make America Roman War Nerd byGaryBrecher Last column I asked readers to suggest wars that'd be more fun for the US to get involved in than Colombia... Thai me Up Restaurant Review byDannySchwartz Most recently, my unending quest to dig up decent ethnic food in Moscow, for reasonable prices, brought me to a little Thai dive LAN SANG about a five-minute walk north from Novoslobodskaya... The North Sea Amsterdam byEdwardLimonov When you go from France to Holland by train, you might wind up losing your respect for the Wermacht's exploits... Set Font This feature requires JavaScript. Other Formats Printer-friendly Plain Text Email Article Email address(es): Note: Affiliate Links By buying from these merchants, you help to support and enhance our online presence. 200 beautiful RussianBrides a week! Photo galleries, personal profiles, introduction services. Travel to Russia Visa support, hotels, train tickets, tours and cruises. See your message here! Write to web_adv at exile ru Interested in advertising? Write to the_exile at mail ru "the eXile". Tel: +7 (095) 795-3376 , fax: +7 (095) 245-1415 E-mail: office at exile ru (website-related issues: webperson at exile ru )
MySpace Quiz
My place of Ownage My place of Ownage About Recent Entries Profile Richard This is an honest, internet-hoing-free zone. kthx. Navigation -Recent Entries - Archive - Friends - User Info - My Deviantart Page - Previous Page Links - Deviantart - 1groove Electronica - My MSN Space January 2006 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 Page Summary - [ # ] (no subject) - [ # ] (no subject) - [ # ] (no subject) - [ # ] (no subject) - [ # ] (no subject) - [ # ] (no subject) - [ # ] (no subject) - [ # ] (no subject) - [ # ] I have no idea if these times are accurate. It feels like forever. - [ # ] (no subject) - [ # ] (no subject) - [ # ] (no subject) - [ # ] (no subject) - [ # ] (no subject) - [ # ] (no subject) - [ # ] (no subject) - [ # ] (no subject) - [ # ] (no subject) - [ # ] Fairly productive day [Fedora Fun] - [ # ] (no subject) - [ # ] (no subject) - [ # ] (no subject) - [ # ] Rundown of my day... - [ # ] (no subject) - [ # ] (no subject) - [ # ] (no subject) - [ # ] (no subject) - [ # ] (no subject) - [ # ] (no subject) - [ # ] (no subject) - [ # ] (no subject) - [ # ] (no subject) - [ # ] (no subject) - [ # ] (no subject) - [ # ] (no subject) - [ # ] (no subject) - [ # ] (no subject) - [ # ] don't click it - [ # ] (no subject) - [ # ] (no subject) - [ # ] (no subject) - [ # ] (no subject) - [ # ] (no subject) - [ # ] (no subject) - [ # ] (no subject) - [ # ] (no subject) - [ # ] (no subject) - [ # ] (no subject) - [ # ] (no subject) - [ # ] Crazed Letterman Fan #34983? Blurb -----BEGIN GEEK CODE BLOCK----- Version: 3.12 GCS d s+: a--- C+++ UL++ P L+++ E- W+++ N+ o K w+++++ O+ M-- V- PS++ PE Y++ PGP+ t--- 5-- X R- tv- b- DI+ D++ G++ e h! r y ------END GEEK CODE BLOCK------ Jan. 9th, 2006 @ 08:27 pm Aim Triton is so bad that there's no words to express how bad it is. Picture lag with ads with too much eye candy (which causes the lag) Currently rockin out to: Slipknot - Wait and Bleed ( 1 comment | Leave a comment ) Jan. 9th, 2006 @ 06:45 pm Hmm, I wonder if cout does this, but to your computer... ( Leave a comment ) Jan. 9th, 2006 @ 09:00 am 3D adverts? ( 5 comments | Leave a comment ) Jan. 9th, 2006 @ 12:16 am Tonight's wild events. #1 -- Dianne's "touching the floor with her palms". This was awesome, especially because she didn't have the zipper up on her shirt and I was standing right in front of her *oops* #2 -- The brooming Yeah, Jamie was messing around and I totally got a broomstick to the elbow. It's still hurting quite a bit. #3 -- The ball of tomatoes Tonight's tomatoes were exceptionally nasty. They were all mushy and crap. I made a ball out of them and threw it at Adam. That was wild. #4 -- The nasty nacho 1 nacho with strips of all the sauces. It left my mouth as quickly as it entered. It was so incredibly gross. #5 -- The black stripe Yeah, I need a new shirt. popenstein took the perminant marker and ran it straight down my back. That one sucks. ( 3 comments | Leave a comment ) Jan. 8th, 2006 @ 05:26 pm CCCCCCCCCCRAP. So apparently that wasn't my problem. I was kinda hoping that's what "checking for Qt... configure: error: Qt (>= Qt 3.3) (headers and libraries) not found. Please check your installation! For more details about this problem, look at the end of config.log." meant. Here's the last chunk of my config.log ( 2 comments | Leave a comment ) Jan. 8th, 2006 @ 04:57 pm Stillll compiling ( Leave a comment ) Jan. 8th, 2006 @ 04:36 pm On the left, we have a kernel of corn. On the right, we have a... kernel of corn!? This is probably the funniest thing I've EVVVER read. ( 4 comments | Leave a comment ) Jan. 8th, 2006 @ 04:16 pm I'm thinking this is like... 1 hour 15 minutes? I DEMAND HAPPY ASCII ART! DAAMMN YOU GCC... DAAAAMN YOU. ( Leave a comment ) I have no idea if these times are accurate. It feels like forever. Jan. 8th, 2006 @ 03:14 pm Probably like... 15min into the compile. 25min in? SNOOZEFEST Currently rockin out to: Black Label Society - What's In You? ( Leave a comment ) Jan. 8th, 2006 @ 03:05 pm Compiling Qt... Why must compiling be so boring? Instead of it verbosing boring data, it should draw pretty ascii pics and stuff. Now that'd be cool! Currently rockin out to: Megadeth - Holy Wars Tags: linux ( Leave a comment ) Jan. 8th, 2006 @ 12:38 pm ATHF Collection now 100% legal! I went out and bought Season 4 today. :D In crappier news, I think I've got a cold. I woke up with an extremely sore throat and a stuffy nose :( ( 2 comments | Leave a comment ) Jan. 8th, 2006 @ 04:25 am don't you hate it when you look down at the clock and realize "HOLY CRAP, IT'S 4:30am ALREADY?!" Seriously, I'm not even the slighest bit tired, but I suppose I shall go to bed and *try* to sleep. Either that or just play a few hours of Infected on my PSP ;) ( 1 comment | Leave a comment ) Jan. 8th, 2006 @ 03:02 am Like lots of random profanity? xine http://movies.collegehumor.com/items/20 05/12/collegehumor.1646735.mov it's pure lolarity! ( Leave a comment ) Jan. 8th, 2006 @ 01:53 am BUY THIS CD! It's seriously that good. Currently rockin out to: BLS - Fire it Up ( Leave a comment ) Jan. 8th, 2006 @ 01:19 am hehe, the guy from Dallas came through Taco Bell again. It's funny b/c he has the accent and stuff. ( 3 comments | Leave a comment ) Jan. 7th, 2006 @ 03:46 pm ( haha! ) ( 2 comments | Leave a comment ) Jan. 7th, 2006 @ 02:58 am Amazon Wishlist Datamining... I should try this on my desktop to see who all wants that fist dong. lollerskates. ( Leave a comment ) Jan. 7th, 2006 @ 12:02 am I've found the coolest webmessenger site EVER. The site will handle ICQ, AIM, Yahoo, Jabber, and MSN. It also has a pretty amazing (non-flash) GUI that (gasp) even works 100% perfect in Linux*. www.meebo.com *Tested in Fedora Core 4 with Firefox 1.0.7. ( 4 comments | Leave a comment ) Fairly productive day [Fedora Fun] Jan. 4th, 2006 @ 09:31 pm Got my WIFI connection working Updated Gaim [via Yum] Downloaded and installed giFT and giFTcurs [they were RPM'd] Downloaded and installed NTFS Drivers [also RPM'd] Mounted the 2 NTFS drives Updated Firefox [via Yum] I think that's about it. ( Leave a comment ) Jan. 4th, 2006 @ 10:49 am K, so I'm in law right now and it's incredibly boring... BUT there are like... 9 guys and 20 girls? It's not a total loss. ;) :P ( Leave a comment ) Jan. 3rd, 2006 @ 11:48 pm Read Teh Comments ( 7 comments | Leave a comment ) Jan. 3rd, 2006 @ 11:30 pm My sister has invented a drink... Mix 1 koolaid jammer with some white sparkling wine. It's actually pretty good! ( 2 comments | Leave a comment ) Rundown of my day... Jan. 3rd, 2006 @ 08:18 pm As you probably know, today was my first day back at school. Here's how it went: Woke up at 6:45am Bought an Ice Cap. My addiction has returned Found room for VB programming The halls were somewhat cool, but the classroom was incredibly hot VB was a joke. I have next week's homework done already. VB ends, SAAD is also in this room SAAD is one BORING class, however, there are a few hot 3rd years in there. 2h break. ate pizza watched a few ATHF episodes MCOS (linux course). Ted and I pwn the class. They're all newbs. I think I know more than the teacher, but I'm not too sure. Head to the last room for C++. We have Devi, whom I hate. It was stupid b/c she has a bad accent and it's hard to understand her Wait for an extra hour for Cory's bro to come pick us up (his brother has a class that runs 1h later than ours, so it's easier to go there once to pick us all up) Went to Mobile Computing to see about getting a new keyboard for this POS. $62.10 later, I have a new keyboard Watched more ATHF Span of day: 8:10 - 5:00 ( 1 comment | Leave a comment ) Jan. 2nd, 2006 @ 11:30 pm Oh, and I also say styphon and violate at Taco Bell. I feel special. ( 8 comments | Leave a comment ) Jan. 2nd, 2006 @ 11:19 pm Today at work was INSANE. Dave called in sick, so I was left with Jamie, Adam, and Mark. We had at least 3 oddly timed rushes. I ended up doing a lot of the work. It was fun, though. I like working with new people -- it makes me feel like I'm better than I am. lol. ( 2 comments | Leave a comment ) Jan. 2nd, 2006 @ 03:03 pm These are some pretty cool plants... ( Leave a comment ) Jan. 2nd, 2006 @ 03:06 am Neat java "game" Turn everything off but the Oil (set it to 5) Build a bit of a pool near the bottom and let it fill. Then burn it! Then put the fire out with "Spout" and put lots of "plant" in the collected "water" and burn the plants. Repeat lots. ( Leave a comment ) Jan. 2nd, 2006 @ 02:39 am Anybody care to take a look at various Crates and Barrels from old videogames ? ( Leave a comment ) Jan. 2nd, 2006 @ 02:13 am I'm sure the chick with the hose is thinking "Come on... Bitch-slap me. I know you want.. Oh, wait a sec. lolz" ( 1 comment | Leave a comment ) Jan. 2nd, 2006 @ 02:05 am Woo Remixes! Think "The Grey Album" but with different bands. Pretty awesome. ( Leave a comment ) Jan. 2nd, 2006 @ 01:28 am Buckethead is my newest hero ( Leave a comment ) Jan. 1st, 2006 @ 11:16 pm haha, we had a Texan come thru Drivethru today. (His plate was from Texas, the holder said "Dallas"). It was funny b/c he had an accent. There were lots of "Uh Huhs and Yeps" and the general lack of manners. It was swell. All he was missing was a big cowboy hat, 'cause we all know that every Texan with an accent wears a cowboy hat. /stereotype ( Leave a comment ) Dec. 31st, 2005 @ 09:19 pm also, my dad yelled at my dog to get off the couch, and in doing so, he broke my headphones. I had no time to untwist them thanks to my dad... Wonderful. I love buying $30 headphones every month. How I'm feeling: Pissed the fuck off ( Leave a comment ) Dec. 31st, 2005 @ 08:08 pm BOOOOO This newyears sucks. 1) No partying 2) Another key has broke on this garbage laptop keyboard 3) Nothing to do tonight %(*&#&$()#*@)(# ( 2 comments | Leave a comment ) Dec. 31st, 2005 @ 06:27 pm Apparently they're adding an extra second to today so that it can synchronize with the atomic clock. Apparently it's due to some wobbly rotation in the earth or something. Crazy stuff ( 1 comment | Leave a comment ) Dec. 31st, 2005 @ 12:20 am Kay, so I'm using my paid privledges to creep thru users in Whitby... and it's like everybody knows Petra. I hearby present unofficial "Most popularest LJer in Whitby" to burnblack_ . Woo. ( Read more... ) ( 3 comments | Leave a comment ) Dec. 30th, 2005 @ 09:40 am %*@&(!$%(# Okay, so... this week SUCKS. Why? Last night I worked until 12:00 Today I work at 10:13 until 7pm My dad took back the DVD player we got him b/c it was screwing up, and didn't go out with me and brought home a $100 POS... It won't take DivX DVDs which is why we got the other one... He could have had the same damn thing as the one he got for... $40? Ugh School starts on the 3rd I'm doing 33h of work this week I was supposed to have tomorrow off. But clearly I don't My back is still killing me On the other hand: I bought all 3 ATHF box sets and an awesome shirt! It's black with this pic ( Leave a comment ) don't click it Dec. 29th, 2005 @ 12:43 am Thanks to mmmbopbadubadop for showing me THIS SITE [dontclick.it] Currently rockin out to: Buckethead - Welcome to Bucketheadland Tags: internet ( Leave a comment ) Dec. 28th, 2005 @ 02:58 am Apparently I missed a site... Guitar Shred Show ( Leave a comment ) Dec. 28th, 2005 @ 02:14 am I AM SO INCREDIBLY BORED... I HAVE SURFED EVERY PAGE OF THE INTERNET... I NEED NEW FUN!1!!1!!!1! ( Leave a comment ) Dec. 28th, 2005 @ 01:37 am The Tonight Show Hijacked Photobooth Prank . (5 thumbs up... I'm a mutant!) ( Leave a comment ) Dec. 27th, 2005 @ 11:27 pm Went over to Nikole's ( rainbow_sprite ) [hubba hubba :P] place tonight. I helped her in her quest for ultimate guitar playage. (She got an accoustic for Christmas). T'was fun. Then we watched Deuce Bigalow European Gigolo. Then we played Rogue Squadron on her PS2. It was awesome. Note to Nikole: We need to do that more often. ( 2 comments | Leave a comment ) Dec. 27th, 2005 @ 12:25 am Has anybody else using gmail been getting hit up with quite a bit spam lately? I have no clue where it would be coming from... ( 1 comment | Leave a comment ) Dec. 26th, 2005 @ 10:34 pm How to dance like a white guy ( 1 comment | Leave a comment ) Dec. 26th, 2005 @ 12:35 am Merry Christmas! I would have posted this sooner, but I'm only JUST getting on my computer. Here's how my past 2 days went. 6:45 - 11:30pm - Got home from work (which sucked). Ate dinner, Played Cranium (me + my sister = team smart... undefeated) opened up present (traditional Xmas Eve Pajamas... lol) 11:30pm last night - went to bed. I was tired, my mom wanted to do stockings 7:40am - My mom was getting anxious and woke us all up 8:00am - I bicker and complain about being up so frigging early 8:01am - Go through stocking 9:00am - Open presents from parents/siblings Trauma Center: Under The Knife (NDS) Mario Kart (NDS) Infected (PSP) Gripshift (PSP) Shirt Ozzy CD (Covered songs. Unopened. Going to take back and get the BLS CD instead... Ozzy's covers sounded kinda weak IMO) 10:00am - Attempted to shower and get dressed. My sister needed help with her iPod 10:05am - Still helping sister 10:10am - Almost made it to shower. Mom wanted something, can't remember what 10:20am - Finally get shower, dressed, and washed 10:35am - Eat Breakfast 11:00am - Head to Grandparents (Aunt stayed overnight there) Coat Sweater Shirt Cologne Ate Lunch, Played Cranium (Team Smart remains undefeated), had dinner, did all that jazz... came home. And here I am now. There's my past 2 days compressed into a list. ( 4 comments | Leave a comment ) Dec. 24th, 2005 @ 11:07 pm I've been having way too much fun with this... Create a Snowflake ( Leave a comment ) Dec. 24th, 2005 @ 12:58 am I was thrown on SUCH a loop earlier this morning. 10:00am -- my alarm goes off. I kinda wake up. 10:??am -- I doze off again... w/o realizing it 10:??am -- I dream about getting out of bed and getting ready to leave to the school 10:15am -- mom yells at me "Are you getting out of bed anytime soon?" 10:15am -- me: ?? wtf? Huh? what's going on.... OHHHHH ( Leave a comment ) Dec. 23rd, 2005 @ 11:50 pm OMG! Tara, thank you SO much!!! You're the greatest person ever <3 <3 <3 She gave me a 2 month subscription AND 2 extra userpics. I <3 you with digital mouth! :P ( 1 comment | Leave a comment ) Dec. 23rd, 2005 @ 03:09 pm I went to Anderson (my highschool) to say hi to some friends and teachers and the like. It was fun. I sat through the christmas assembly which was alright. They've gone way downhill since I started there, though. My grade consisted of several different bands and such which made it fun.... I sat behind bright_on_dark but didn't realize it was her until later. (I loved your hair btw). Then I met up with _monroeville_ and we went to subway. That was fun. I left Subway to hitch a ride with my mom (Who was at the school to get my brother.) At the top of Anderson's hill, I saw my bro getting into the van. I ran like no tomorrow and thanks to traffic, I caught up. It was a fun run. Tonight I work 5:00 - 11:30 (diningroom close) and tomorrow I'll be working 12:00 - 6:00. fun. ( 5 comments | Leave a comment ) Crazed Letterman Fan #34983? Dec. 23rd, 2005 @ 01:36 am Your daily dose of Stupid ... and this time it WASN'T me. " In a teaser for his show, Letterman jokingly said, "Marry Me, Oprah," which Nestler rapidly deduced was a message intended for her." Because CLEARLY there's no ACTUAL woman in the world named "Oprah ... "" especially no really famous talk-show host. Dumbass lady. ""Oprah had become my first of many code names," she wrote..." I wonder if "other code names" consists of "Jennifer Lopez" and "Martha Stewart"? Currently rockin out to: Turbonegro - Don't say Motherfucker, Motherfucker ( Leave a comment ) Top of Page Powered by LiveJournal.com
Myspace Editor and chapterhouse
Mygen Myspace Editor - chapterhouse dune Mygen Myspace Editor Fox News Correspondent Collegeville Copywriter Senior Editing System Beach Reporter Picture Editor Owosso Graphic Arts Ebsco Publishing Proofreading Employment Artistry Boxer Ivanhoe Author Writers Announcement Copywriter Public Service Job Paying Top Proofreader Salary Washington Independent Writers Editorial Illustration Microsoft Publisher Free Trial Current Job Telecommute Freelancer Mod Creative Fiction Fiction Improve Publish Writing Writing Writing Writing Book Contributing Guest Ghost Writer For Screenplay Freelance Web Site Designer Central Carolina Technical College Christian Writer Market Guide Freelancer Saved Game Free Creative Writing Course Freelance Make Up Artist Jobs Stc College Become A Graphic Designer Telecommute Creative Writing Topic Editor Equation Correspondent Flow Funded Program Free Graphic Design Site Map Mygen Myspace Editor and chapterhouse dune 4328 find mygen myspace editor added additional deserving blame lycos search. forbidden territory clutter, fair answers. lycos - spirit affect it. 5750 read approximately mygen myspace editor erroneous play about illogical outside charge electronic mail document added dictionary. accomplished 600,000 articles on any topic. 1276 at ebay in confidence container discovery practically anything, flat mygen myspace editor. ebay's play about illogical location commotion buy marked by lack of care sell electronics, cars, clothing, apparel, collectibles, playful goods, digital cameras added more. click existing period added indication up right now certain accomplishment free. 6134 your appropriate result is a click away. 500 find mygen myspace editor deserving blame individual as expected play about illogical best sites play about illogical electronic mail access provider emptiness current commotion offer. 9100 find result certain accomplishment mygen myspace editor added anything else in confidence are handsome certain accomplishment instantly. 2701 your appropriate result is a click away. 5633 a list as expected outside charge netting storage providers. in abridged while and before recreational race commotion 500 mb. collection added portion wait files in abridged while and before anywhere erroneous play about illogical world. Mygen Myspace Editor - chapterhouse dune
MySpace Video Code
Funny Videos and Clips, Funny Pictures, Online Flash Games, MySpace Video and Picture Codes Home | Memberspace | Submit Content | Contact | Privacy Policy Your source for funny videos , funny pictures and more updated daily. Be sure to bookmark us by clicking here. NEW!! We now provide you the video, game and picture codes to place any of our content on your MySpace or other blog! Search BoFunk Username Password ( Register | Lost Password ) Navigation Home Pictures Flash Games Soundboards Register Submit Content Memberspace Contact Categories Awesome Chicks Crazy Cute Fights Funny Interactive Nasty Other Painful Ridiculous Signs Stupid Ideas WTH Sponsor MySpace Image Codes Looking for MySpace pictures and icons for your MySpace profile? Myspacedirect.com and Myspacearena.com have them for you. They offer hundreds of unique MySpace images found on no other site... once again thats Myspacedirect.com and Myspacearena.com Whoops "I hope no one just saw that" an embarrassing moment Changing in public Now this is talent... Racing Car Crash One of the most horrific accidents Love fever I wish my boyfriend had "love fever" Laptop thief owned Wow, talk about being screwed Super Girls Strangled by her own cape! Staying in touch We all communicate in our own way! Heavy Wind Blow the man down! Rider Her He was taking her for a lil ride, literally, hehe Thongs Making a fashion statement! Nice WHAT? Talk about saying what is on your mind... Swiggle Worm This chick can move Glow In The Dark Condoms When you need a light, someone always has a glow in the dark condom ready Violent arrest Steal a purse, and we're gonna run you over Scarecrow Prank I would crap my pants Six On Six Fight More of just beating the crap out of everyone for no reason Race Drift Which rice burner will win this one? Ipod Spoof Everyone wants a Classic Mac Drunk Bush is he drunk.. or is the video just slowed down.. Morons Rock, paper, scissor--SLAP Next Page You may also browse by individual page below: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80 81 82 83 84 85 86 87 88 89 90 91 92 93 94 95 96 97 98 99 100 101 102 103 104 105 106 107 108 109 110 111 112 113 114 115 116 117 118 119 120 121 122 123 124 125 Buddies MySpace Picture Codes Funny Stuff MySpace Image Codes Time Killer Kontraband WTF People Top Humor Sites Insane Videos Link Partners Free Downloads Need For Fun Funny Video Clips Clip Dump Ringtone Dump Funny Videos Unoriginal Funny Videos Hans-Wurst Entertainment Crazy Babysitter Priceless Funny Pictures Humor Guide!! Funny Videos Crazy Fun madsalmon.net Humor4You Funny Web Zone! Hawt Priceless Funny Videos Twisted Gaia Flush The Web Doshur Raw Meat Funnymovies.net First-Ward Play Music AchterIn I am Bored mpam.gr Free Ringtones More Sites Add Your Site All Rights Reserved - Design BoFunk 2004 - Images & content their respective owners Page took 0.609018 seconds to load.
Whore Train
eXile - Issue #160 - Whore-R Stories - Whore-R Stories: the Sluts of Slutsk - By Mark Ames Moscow-based alternativenewspaper Search the eXile All Issues This Issue This Author This Column | Advanced Search... Email thousands of beautiful Russian Ladies! Home | Archive | Club Guide | Restaurant Guide | Songs | Field Guide To Moscow | Political Trading Cards | About Us Browse Column (19) Previous (1) Next (17) Whore-R Stories: the Sluts of Slutsk By Mark Ames ( editor at exile ru ) Browse Author (147) Previous (54) Next (90) I n the last issue, I made the claim that the line between a slut and a whore in Russia is rather blurred. In this, the second installment of Whore-R Stories, I'm going to examine the other side of the equation: The Slut. What better place to test the slut-whore-equation theory than in the Belorussian town of Slutsk. I nit you shot, folks. There really is such a town, located about 100 kilometers southwest of Minsk. Ever since my first and only visit to Belarus over five years ago, the land of Europe's last dictator has always held a special place in my heart (and other organs). Minsk, after all, is where I first discovered the White God Factor. But a provincial town with a name like Slutsk must have something much more than a White God factor - say, a Big Bang God Factor ... As a professional investigative journalist and veteran explorer of the FSU's hinterlands, I knew that fate, as well as desperation, would draw me to Slutsk and, like Stanley in the Congo, I'd report the exotic findings back to my readers. Only instead of bringing back shrunken heads, I hoped to bring back carefully preserved samples of chlamydia, smuggled on my person. The two-and-a-half hour bus ride from Minsk to Slutsk cost two dollars. On the outskirts of town there is a familiar cluster of 8 and 16-story paneli, Brezhnev-era housing projects, dirty white with blue or purple stripes straight down the elevator shaft. In the center of town the structures are smaller, a mix of pre-Revolutionary two- and three-story houses painted yellow, green and pink, side by side with Soviet concrete boxes. Slutsk is run by a Saiko. Literally. The head of the Slutsk city council, with its cookie-cutter Lenin statue out front, is named Saiko. Slutsk has one hotel, aptly named "Hotel Slutsk," on the main street, Ulitsa Lenina. There was fresh blue paint in the lobby. The elevator didn't work. I was given a room on the fourth floor. A single for $33, not exactly cheap. After wandering around town freezing my ass off for most of the afternoon while trying to get noticed, I took a rest in my hotel room then headed back out. It wasn't looking good. The two top restaurants were butt empty. I found a cafe that looked promising, slut-wise. Standing outside the entrance were two women - not girls, but women - bundled in cheap fur coats and hats. They smiled as I passed, and I said hello with a pronounced foreign accent. The cafe had only two patrons. One man was slumped in his chair; his friend scowled at me, one eye open. I sat at the far end and ordered 150 grams of cheap cognac. Just then, one of the women from outside the cafe entered, walked towards and then passed me, turned to leave, then turned around a second time and said to me, "We feel sorry for you being alone. Would you like to join us somewhere else?" "Sure," I said. "Meet us outside." She walked out. I downed as much of the cognac as I could take and asked the bartender, an aging woman, "Are all Slutsk girls this friendly?" "Only if the person is from out of town," she answered. I joined the two women outside the door. "That cafe was horrible, we couldn't even stand being in there," said the one who'd rescued me. Her name was Olga, and the other one was her younger sister, Yulia. They told me that there was a much better caf down the street with a better crowd. They were waiting to join a friend of theirs, Alla. We powerwalked along the ice as best we could to the next cafe, called V Dalee ot Zhyon, or Far Away From The Wives. It was crowded, packed mostly with young banditibees in black leather coats. A few had young girlfriends on their arms, cute ones too. Alla stood at the counter and ordered: a carafe of vodka, four crab and mayonnaise salads, sliced ham, bread, Sprite, and a bottle of Medvedovskaya Krov wine for Olga. Adding two more vodka carafes and other goodies, the whole bill came to nine dollars. I sat next to Olga, who told me that she'd spent the whole past week inside her apartment and that today, she'd decided to go out with her sister and Alla. I didn't really get a good look at Alla yet. Her face was either hidden in a full fur hood on the street, or she was at the bar giving endless orders. It wasn't until she took a seat directly across from me that I literally yelped, knocking into the table: her face looked exactly like the possessed witch in Army of Darkness, the same long shock of silver hair, a gray complexion, gnarled nose and a mouth full of metal teeth: "You shall never get the necronomicon! We shall feast upon your sooooooul..." I had to drink fast. It was clear that I was supposed to be paired up with Olga, who was passably attractive despite the complex wrinkles around and under her eyes. I stole glances at the mini-mafia molls, wondering to myself why I, considering my White God Factor, was stuck with a bunch of old hags, and whether I should try my luck elsewhere. But there was no elsewhere. Olga was thirty-three years old. She told me she'd been to Poland many times, and had recently been to Moscow. Her sister Yulia was twenty-seven. She was one of three sisters and two brothers in the family. I asked Yulia if all Slutsk families were so big, five children, not exactly the norm in modern Russia. "Yeah, we're all like this. I know a family of ten. There's nothing else to do." Yulia said she'd worked for six years as a dancer at Stary Zamok, the town's top restaurant. I assume that meant she was a whore, if the distinction matters. She seemed both proud and unhappy about having been a dancer there -- "It's the best restaurant in Slutsk" -- after six years, she had nothing to show, and now she worked in a factory. That's how she met Alla. Alla told me that the owners of the cafe respected her because just the night before, she'd found her "man" there with three other women and she beat the shit out of him and one of his lovers who hadn't managed to escape. "I beat him unconscious," she said, brandishing her fist and laughing. "You shouldn't mess with me. That bastard. I did everything for him. I worked and put a roof over his head, and he goes and takes three lovers." None of this was helping my mojo: aging women, a haunt who doubled as a man-beater, images of Alla having sex with some unemployed, salo-fattened prole, and him with his three lovers... Alla told me she'd once beaten the shit out of Yulia. That's how they became friends. Yulia lived in the same podezd as Alla. And Yulia carried on an affair with Alla's then-boyfriend. Alla found out, stalked Yulia, and stomped her. After that, they became friends. To prove it, they kissed like a pair of football players, smacking loudly but very un-sexually. Olga quietly emptied the bottle of Bear's Blood next to me. She was amazed that I was American. "I've known Polacks," she said. "I thought you were a Caucasian. You seemed nice and handsome, a foreigner, so I decided we should rescue you from the club." The night starts to get blurry here. I pushed myself to go on until the bitter end, to get the story. But the cheap liquor, the travel and cold suddenly put a sleeping spell on me. I remember we stumbled across the road to Stary Zamok, but it had closed early for lack of a single client -- on a Thursday night! They led me to some kind of second-floor club with a bar and a small disco. All I remember is ordering the worst pelmeni of my life, and eating it. Then stealing some of Yulia's horrific fried meat balls -- tongue meat in a brown chewy foam-like batter. I was burping up bad pelmeni meat into Olga's face as she tried to keep the mojo going. "I smell your pelmeni." "I know." "You want to sleep, don't you?" I was sound asleep in my chair for most of the rest of the evening, I mean deep REM sleep, until they mercifully decided to leave. Olga pulled me away from the other two and walked me downstairs. "You want to stay with me at my place, don't you?" she said. "Yes, I want to stay at your place," I said. She bundled me into a taxi, and I passed out again. Then awoke in the projects. We rode the elevator up to her apartment. A mountain bike blocked the door -- she moved it aside -- and in the first room next to the entry hall, I noticed the head of a young teenager, the Bobby Brady of Belarus, resting on a pillow. He told Olga that "he" had called a few times. "He" turned out to be her "man," as she called him, a Czech businessman who was part husband, part sponsor. Olga closed the door to her son's bedroom, which probably doubled as the TV room as well, and whispered to me, "My man feels that I'm with someone. Men can sense these things. You understand?" "Yeah, I understand," I said, stung, because for the most part men don't understand. She called her "man" on her phone, while I crashed on her bed, a double made out of two twins pushed together covered with a pink comforter. Olga woke me up and asked me if I wanted to take a shower. "No." She came back again what seemed like hours later with a towel. "Go take a shower," she said. I snapped the towel and lifted myself up. I couldn't pass out here. Good money had been sunk into the Slutsk expedition. And here I was, in the slut's very own habitat, as close to the kill as anyone could hope to be. The eXile's shareholders would never forgive me if I copped out now. She took her obligatory pre-sex dyev shower after seeing mine through. I kept myself awake by trying to record the details of her bedroom. It was modestly luxurious by early 90s Warsaw Pact standards. She had a gaudy pink light fixture, a kind of mini-chandelier with pink glass orchids and various blooming lamp pedals. Above the dresser mirror was a collection of German hair styling spray bottles. They must be hard to find in Slutsk -- I remember Czechs and Poles displaying their Western cans of spray and soft drinks in the early 90s. Olga also had large posters of scantily-clad women on her walls, including one in a bikini thong whose figure had been cut out from the rest of the poster and glued to the wall. When Olga returned I pounced. She wasn't what I'd expected: instead of the lumpy, smelly, sweaty body of a typical aging provincial slut, she was thin, much prettier with all her clothes off, with something of Meg Ryan's mouth (not that I like Meg Ryan) and a fashionable mom hairdo. The other surprise was how dry her snapper was. I remember what Dr. Limonov had written about older women's pussies -- "like glue" -- it was one of the reasons why he "gave advices" to "throw away older wife, get yourself young teenage girl." Her small breasts had large No. 2 pencil eraser nipples, but no matter what tricks I tried pulling out of my bag, her snapper was like cloth, like putting your fingers between worn leather cushions on an old couch. "It's been so long since I've been with a man," she told me. I tried to close the deal, but it wasn't working. "I'll get some cream," she said. She stood up and opened a drawer in her dresser. God knows how I managed to maintain wood during this -- I'm not happy about it, believe me. She squirted some cream into her hand and worked it into her gluey snapper. That made things marginally better. Finally I worked my way in. But for all my effort I didn't get much pleasure and nothing close to an orgasm. I passed out after - maybe five minutes, maybe thirty, maybe an hour, I really have no idea. Early the next morning I awoke with a rancid hangover and a mouth nearly as dry as her pussy. The neighbors upstairs were stomping around. "Let me put on some music," she said. She played some kind of Italian pop cassette on her box. "I've had a problem with my neighbors ever since I moved here," she said. "They don't work. They're both alcoholics. They wake up every morning at six and stomp around loudly. It used to be worse. They'd put on some kind of hard soles and stomp loudly on their wooden floor. I called the militia on them. It only made them angrier. So I went upstairs and demanded that they not wake me up at 6am. I screamed. They're a couple, in their forties, with a 16-year-old boy. They were rude, so I forced my way in and beat the hell out of both of them. They were so drunk, and I was angry. Alla's not the only one - I can do that too." It was hard to imagine Olga like Alla -- in the morning she appeared, in spite of her sandpaper snapper, even prettier. "I bought them carpeting. They took it. It's much better now, but it's still unbearable, isn't it?" "It's pretty loud," I agreed. It was hard to imagine that there was carpeting muffling their shoes -- it must have sounded like a construction site before. "I tried everything. I tried being nice. I brought back chocolates from Brno when I visited my man. The 16-year-old upstairs loved them too much. He called me a later and said, 'Those chocolates were so good. If you don't bring me more of those chocolates soon, I'm really going to make a racket upstairs, and much earlier than ever.'" "You should have told him that if he ever threatened you again, he'd never see another Czech chocolate in his life," I said. "I did. I told him, 'Who the hell do you think you are, you little bastard?! I should come up there and tear you to pieces. You're threatening me?! Forget the chocolates! If I ever see you..." " -- Okay, I see," said, interrupting her. These Slutsk girls...someone should hustle them in mud wrestling competitions. I asked her about her "man." They'd met a year and a half ago. She took a job in a factory in Brno, working on a line, tying ribbons around packages of paper napkins. "I had financial difficulties, I had to find work," she said. The owner of the factory walked the floor one day and spotted Olga. "He saw me, pulled me off the line, told me he didn't want to subject me to such work ever again, and said he'd fallen in love. Just like that. I wasn't so sure. He's almost 50. He's an older man, with a stomach." So I'm not the only one acting out Count Tolstoi fantasies. The Czech understood the true advantage of running a sweatshop using cheap Slavic labor: that stroll down the factory line, inspecting the women workers, rating them, fantasizing about how desperate they are, and finally, choosing whichever one he wanted to "rescue," acting out some 19th century European fantasy. "He wants me to move to Brno, but I don't want to," Olga said. "My son, I want him to stay in school here. He also wants me to move to Moscow, where's he's considering opening up another factory. Assembling furniture and other stuff. I went to Moscow with him a few months ago. There's a Czech mafia in Moscow. We all went out for dinner and a long night at the casino: me, my man, the Czech mafia and the local Russian mafia who would be the krysha for his factory. At the end of the night, most of them had left their phone numbers in my purse. I was so surprised when I saw what they'd done. Of course I didn't tell my man. It would just upset him." Olga had married and birthed her son when she was nineteen. Her first husband was an Army type and a loser. He always wanted to punish the boy. They divorced after five years. The boy didn't want to see his father -- he was happy to have him out of his life. The father moved to Minsk. They saw each other once every year or two. Olga's own family were sluchyaninie on her mother's side, Siberians on her father's. Her grandmother told her about the Nazi occupation of Slutsk. "Most of the time the Nazis were okay. My grandmother and grandfather lived out in their dacha. The Germans would come back and say, 'Ekks!' They wanted eggs and food. My grandma said they were polite and paid for everything. Then they went crazier. Once they locked up as many people from the village as they could fit inside a barn and set it on fire. My grandmother heard the screams." "Wasn't Slutsk a Jewish town before the Nazis came?" "Yes, there were many Jews here. The Nazis killed all of them." "Are there any left?" "Not that I know of." Her parents both worked in the railroads. Her father was a signal man. Now he's an invalid. About two years ago he'd injured his leg badly in a railroad track accident and didn't get proper treatment for it. Being the hardy peasant type, he didn't complain as it got worse. Then it turned green and black. "He got gangrene. They had to amputate it. Now he doesn't want to live. He tells me that he wants to die and not be a burden to us. The gangrene may have spread to his other leg. He may have to have it amputated soon." I asked about Belorussian medical insurance, the one I was forced to purchase through the hotel as a tourist. "Ha! What medical insurance! You're on your own here. Actually the burden is all on my shoulders. Everyone barely survives. My man helps out a lot. It's one reason why I'm with him. He's good for my son, for my family. He helps with so much." Issue In #160 20 Feb 03 (2 years, 10 months old) Also in this Issue Adventures in Real Estate byMichaelAndrews It's getting towards the end of the month, and since my rent comes due, it's time to step up the search... Tapochki "A Health Threat" -Ministry Russia's Health Ministry finally admitted that "tapochki," or slippers, do not help to illnesses... Your Letters SIC! A TOTAL DUMBSHIT... FELCH-AN-HOUR... PLAYING WITH DONG... NECKING... DORK-U-MENTARY... Remedial Slander: Bhutan A low-oxygen entry taking up one-eighth cranial page... The Two Faces of Fred: A Journalistic Moral Tale Press Review byPhilbyBurgess Journalists are wonderful creatures in many ways, but on reflection I think it's their utter lack of self-awareness which most impresses me... Wilhelm Klink Invades Eastern-Front Real Estate Market Posing as a German consultant, we contacted Penny Lane Realty to see what it would take to get Comrade Andropov's apartment... Introducing the Schopenhauer Award! We're proud to present a new feature that will entertain and educate you, the knowledge-hungry eXhole!... Let 'Em Send Me to the Bughouse Again! Feature Story byDarZhutayev It's a quiet night here, by Shchukinskaya metro station. If you look out the window, you can see the twin towers of the swanky Aliye Parusa apartment complex... Bardak Calendar The Residents... Night Life Awards... Salvation Army Band... Slade And Sweet... Alisa... Death Porn WHEN THE CAT'S AWAY, THE MICE WILL DIE... THE BABYSITTER... NOBODY LIKES ME... MEANWHILE, IN PODMOSKOVIE... Appointments Receptionist... Maid... Personal Assistant... Driver... Security Guard... The Schmaltz Ghetto Book Review Some genres consist of one good book followed by thousands of disastrous failures... One Of Us Is Wrong Kino Korner byMarkAmes I've never gone out on a limb or exposed my hard-earned reputation to such total destruction as I will this issue... Social Awkwardness Among the Red Flags City Beat byJohnDolan Last Saturday your intrepid Ace City Beat Reporter set out for the antiwar demonstration at the American Embassy... Algeria: The Psychos Will Inherit the Earth War Nerd byGaryBrecher Some wars make it onto the TV news, and some don't. It's got nothing to do with how bloody or big they are... Fit to Print? In New York? byJakeRudnitsky It isn't every day you catch a journalist blowing their own lie. I'm talking about incontrovertible evidence, a smoking gun... Dork-A-Rama Club Review byDenisSalnikov A week ago Thursday, a group of my friends gathered at JUSTO's for sushi and cocktails... Temple's Prayers Answered Restaurant Review byKevinHooper For my final eXile review, I was invited to taste a brand new bar/pub/restaurant, TEMPLE BAR... The Medvedeva Woman byThierryMarignac The Medvedeva woman was impossible as everybody knows. She was prone to bouts of drunkedness, fits of hysteria, you name it... Set Font This feature requires JavaScript. Other Formats Printer-friendly Plain Text Email Article Email address(es): Note: Affiliate Links By buying from these merchants, you help to support and enhance our online presence. 200 beautiful RussianBrides a week! Photo galleries, personal profiles, introduction services. Travel to Russia Visa support, hotels, train tickets, tours and cruises. See your message here! Write to web_adv at exile ru Interested in advertising? Write to the_exile at mail ru "the eXile". Tel: +7 (095) 795-3376 , fax: +7 (095) 245-1415 E-mail: office at exile ru (website-related issues: webperson at exile ru )