My Space , a

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To Do Tuesday: Scientists, My Space, Lubitsch - Defamer To Do Tuesday: Scientists, My Space, Lubitsch READ MORE: to do · Brooklyn-based artsy/indsie rock trio We Are Scientists perform at Cinespace . These guys put on a hell of a show. A Defamer hot pick! · UCB Theater presents My Space , a completely improvised show based on three My Space audience profiles, or, if you’re explaining it to a parent, “A show!” With Best Week Ever ’s Paul Scheer and Rob Riggle, formerly of SNL . · Two Ernst Lubitsch comedies screen at the American Cinematheque at the Egyptian Theatre: Ninotchka (“Garbo Laughs!”) and Heaven Can Wait (Don Ameche, not Warren Beatty, version). ANORAK ALERT: wackily enough, Beatty's Heaven Can W... . wacky wild stuff. by crude futures on 12/28/05 02:39 PM or Edit My User Profile or Logout To leave a comment, please login with your Defamer comments username and password. ( How can I become a commenter? ) Username: Password: Remember me on this computer? Forgot your username or password? Sponsored Links Your Ad Here Lindsay Lohan Concert Tickets Network Security Photo Sharing Internet Marketing Solutions New OddJack Ups the Ante More Sports, Poker and Casino than Britney's Ass. Advertise on Defamer LA is the world's cultural capital. Defamer is the gossip rag it deserves. We want your tips! tips@defamer.com Anonymity assured Editor: Mark Lisanti Email | AIM Associate Editor: Seth Abramovitch Email Les Moonves Abuses Jeff Zucker Lindsay Lohan Michael Jackson Trial Network Upfronts Paris Hilton Revenge of the Sith Tom Cruise-Katie Holmes Publicity Stunt Hollywood Reporter LA Innuendo LA Times LA Weekly Movie City News Variety Zap2It The Gawker Shop Bare your breast in Defamer style with one of our tees! Click here for details. Overview Archives Advertising Credits Terms of Use Privacy Policy RSS 2.0 Full Content (ad-supported) RSS 2.0 Partial Content (ad-free) Site Map add defamer... to kinja to my Yahoo! to newsgator Get Defamer on your PDA! Click here for details. Support Blogger's Rights! d

MySpace editor, please see

The CricketSoda MySpace Editor CricketSoda's MySpace Profile Editor Leave us Comments! Leave us a comment and let us know how we are doing and what we can do to make The CricketSoda Myspace Profile Editor better. If you are looking for help with The CricketSoda MySpace editor, please see our support forums here . <- Return to The CricketSoda MySpace Editor Sign your Name and Leave a Comment Your Name: Your Comment: <- Return to The CricketSoda MySpace Editor Comments from others: Brad: the "edit top 8' link dissappeared on my profile... anyone know why? Krish: how do you set your myspace to private??????? D: JuWell: thanks so much for this--I know NOTHING ABOUT HTML but now my 'myspace' page isn't so dull and drab. you guys are trump tight. : style type="text/css"table td.text {visibility:hidden;}td.text td, td.text span, td.text a {visibility:visible;} MySpace Layouts at MySpace ToolBox MissyHeart6: I absolutely love your site. Was able to do what I wanted with such ease. Thanks. kenese: how do u get ur profile off of private? court: hhow do i edit my myspace? Bill: how do i change the color of the words in my profile Julie: How do you set ur profile to private? Eduardo: how do i decarate my profile? like how can i have BP NET h: i cant see my background Bryanna: How do u make your profile on myspace prive?? like only your friends can see it no one else?? s: s Angela: How do u make your profile private?? annie: I want to put a picture in the "...is in your extended network" but i dont know how C: how do u get ur profile off of private? TheMAC: Wow dude, this really helped me out, great site!! Jodi: You have an awesome website! It helped me so much in pimpin' my myspace lol ;) Thanks and happy new year! brett: i want my myspace to be private Jenna: hey i was just wondering if you know how do add spaces in between paragraphs under the "About me" section of the profile- if you can help me id really appreciate it. Megan: HOW DO I MAKE MY MYSPACE PRIVATE! PLEASE HELP ASAP BEFORE MY RENTS FIND IT! lol. THANKS EVERYONE! MUCH LOVE! laura: how do u change ur age on myspace Levi Blackman: You have to switch your age to 15 or under to make it private. Yes, this makes you seem like a little kid, but I am not really sure why you would want to be on Myspace and yet be private at the same time...but then again, what do I know...heh Sara: hay if anyone needs like who to put backgrounds? i how to paste codes and how to put songs on your proflie or nuthing else just message me or send me at dacegurly@yahoo.com or go on www.myspace.com/showgurlyshowgurly09 well talked to you guys later p.S. if you wont to know more questions about your profile or how to get off private or nuthing else justlet me know alright hillary: how do i change my profile to private? dustin: how do i put my own pics on my myspace whittney: i love danny mic: ok under privacy settings you can no longer make your page private so how do you do it??? Jenna: aaaah! i have a question, but i don't know if i can explain this correctly..... here goes:i'm trying to put an image on my profile, in the about me section.... however, i have text both before the image and after. how do i create a few lines of space between the image and the text? also, how do i create space between just blocks of text? (as in paragraphs) Adrian Flores: I really love cricket soda!!!!!:-) michael: after you switch your age to under 16, it doesnt go auotmatically to private. what do you have to do to make it private?? QueenSheba: You people are dickwads....read the fucking FAQ before asking, yet again, how to change your mother fucking profile to private. GOSH...IDIOTS! Molly: to make the profile private you set your age to 14. then it will be automaticly set to private. www.myspace.com/biancalewis: if anybody knows how to change the borders for the sections on your interests a different color instead of bluecould they message me on myspace and tell me the code or somthingi'm pretty good with getting a basic code for something and changing it to what i want it's just i havn't found any kind of code to change that yetthank youmy url is my name www.Hits.FM: www.FriendsterForum.comwww.FaceBookPhoto.com Andrea: how do i change my profile to private? : Nikki: How do i get my profile OFF private? Shaheed da poster boy: if it ain't purple it ain't popin Levi Blackman: Please see our F.A.Q. to see how to set your profile to private. Thanks! redhdzrhott: how do i make it private? lauren: how do i make it private? nathen: wats up Demira: how do i change my myspace profile to private so that only my friends can see my profile? :) Blythe: Why wont the code from photobucket work with any thing that cricket soda has? am: When i copy and paste the code to the about me section it looks fine, but when i go to view profile it looks like i didnt do anything rochelle: can u make my myspace private when they add me : Are you with the real myspace, like the myspace.com"? Ashli: I've tried about 50 times to redo the colors and tiny cursive font that is on my profile and no matter how many times I try to change it, it won't change. I'm on my last nerve and I would like to know why I can't change it. The cursive is so small that it can't be read and I have been using this cricket soda to redo it and every time it ends up the same stupid cursive letters. Pleas Help Me. ace: how do i get my about me section to be in a line instead of one big paragraph? ace: how do i get my about me section to be in a line instead of one big paragraph? mark: how do i double space my words since i can enter my paragraphs like gena everything is connected Gena: how do i spaced out my jumble work? All my info is stuck together whats the code to space things out? Jen: how do i make my profile private? Michelle: how do i put a big image on my myspace katie v: I like the colors and layout, but how do I change the font size on my comment part of my page? the font and size are very hard to read!! Help!! D a.k.a Mr.Dick: Anthony: Wat up just showin sum luv 2 ya page hit me back p: skaterchiker: hello i need help doing myspace krissy: i don't know what's wrong? but my blog table isn't visible... pls.... help lesley : emily: how do u set oyur mypsace so only people that have a myspace can see it monaxluciouss: can i hide my age on my profile? -!HOW TO MAKE YOUR MYSPACE PRIVATE!-: In order to make your myspace pirvate you must set your age BELOW sixteen years old!! http://www.myspace.com/claris112: how can i set my profile private so that my friends can only see it. melissa: how do u set myspace account to private so only my friends can see my profile mel: how do u set myspace account to private so only my friends can see my profile. Jenny: how do u make ur myspace private so only friends can look at it? katie: how do i make mysapce private so you have to be my friend to look at it? BRIANAH: i luv myspace.com jessica: i luv myspace.com if u havent signed up for a myspace u need to because its awesome and when u do go to myspace.com look for jessicas myspace and please put me as ur friend!!! yours truley jessica!!! Laura: How do you make text bigger? I just want to make one word bigger.. not change the font or do anything crazy! I can't figure it out! chinta: i neeed my backgroung on my page to be a fucking coulor terd face!!!! JAckie : ahh i am so frustrated... i added pictures to my page and now my page is extremely wide... can anyone help me? JAckie : ahh i am so frustrated... i added pictures to my page and now my page is extremely wide... can anyone help me? martin: zar: how do i change my age? angelo: sina olet paska pa... and im finished josh wehking: hey I just made a band page but people can't add my music to their profile as backgroud music. I have my music set to be able to add but it won't do it.I can't even add my own music to my normal myspace. do yall know what is wrong anthony: hiiiiii!!! lia: is there a way i can change where it says stuff like 'about me'? cuz ive seen peoples myspaces where instead of saying 'heroes' or sumthing like that it says 'signs' and i wanna be able to do that. or at least change the color of it. emily: i tried the picture thing but they wont show up. i did it right but mabey its just me or my computer.but thanks for everything else!& how do you get the scrolling pictures e-mail me llbananapancakes@yahoo.com lucky: How do u get backgrounds on myspace.com? Joey: how do i get rid of my profile being private? Ekram: Does any 1 no how to change the color of yuor myspace words? Ekram: Does any 1 no how to change the clor of yuor myspace words? Ekram: Does any 1 no how to change the clor of yuor myspace words? Ekram: Does any 1 no how to change the clor of yuor myspace words? angel : kmi: can u help me I don't know how to make my myspace private sincerekatrina@yahoo.com: i tried to put a background in and i think i messed it up?? PLEASE HELP ME !!! mari-moe: i dont know how to edit a blurb or change my band profile im not in a band michelle: idiots Becca: How do I insert my backgrounds..I can not figure it out!!!!! david: how do you make ur profile private DRKISSES: heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeey brittany: your site is extremely helpful, but i was wondering if you could tell me how i can load my OWN videos onto my myspace, like is there a website that does like video hosting, like theres image hosting and all that stuff, but i can't seem to find one for video hosting. JOCELYN: ok YES it works if you change your age but is there any way you can hide your age!? im 18 i dont want ppl thinking im 14!!!!! email me back please xlil_kittenx@hotmail.com cuz i probably wont find this site again... peace Megan M.: ok i was trying to add some new qiizzes to my profile so i put the codes in and clicked preview, then all i saw were the codes! like none of the pictures, almost like none of the html was really working. i tried clearing that whole section that i messed up, but i cant put anything in my profile anymore without it just showing the codes! i cant even put my layout back in! hellpp pllllzzzz ♥ Megan ♥ nikko: give me cakes <- Return to The CricketSoda MySpace Editor The CricketSoda MySpace Profile Editor is brought to you by CricketSoda.com And the CricketSoda Media Team

MySpace Music Editor

MyGen 2.5 - MySpace Profile Creator/Editor/Generator :: View topic - Flash Music Player Doesn't Show Up Home Create Profile Pre-made Profiles Contact Tables Generators Tutorials Log me on automatically each visit Register Log in to check your private messages MyGen.co.uk - MySpace Profile Generator Sponsored Links MyGen.co.uk Forum Index » MyGen Support Flash Music Player Doesn't Show Up View previous topic :: View next topic Author Message revsix Posts: 2 Posted: Tuesday 29th November 6:26am Post subject: Flash Music Player Doesn't Show Up Hi everyone, I copied this code into my 'About Me' Section: Code: <embed src="http://tinyurl.com/c9pvo" menu="false" quality="high" width="300" height="320" name="index" allowScriptAccess="always" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer" flashvars="playList=http://www.49mb.com/users/revsix/player/playlist.xml&ShowPlaylist=1&ShowEQ=1&firstTrack=1&initVol=50" wmode="transparent" /></embed> However, all that shows up is a blank space where the player should be! Does anyone see what's wrong?????? The URL to my page is www.myspace.com/revsix Thanks! Back to top OMGMOLD Posts: 563 Location: Stafford, UK Posted: Tuesday 29th November 10:05am Post subject: tinyurl is filtered from myspace thats why its showing up blank just but your normal swf file url in there.. Back to top revsix Posts: 2 Posted: Wednesday 30th November 12:36am Post subject: Great! Thanks, that solved the problem of it not showing up. But now I have the problem of my songs not showing up. Why does it only show 1. and 2. ??? This is the code I used in my profile: Code: <embed allowScriptAccess="never"src="http://www.49mb.com/users/revsix/player/player.swf" menu="false" quality="high" width="300" height="320" name="index" allowScriptAccess="never" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer" flashvars="playList=http://www.49mb.com/users/revsix/player/playlist.xml&ShowPlaylist=1&ShowEQ=1&firstTrack=1&initVol=50" wmode="transparent" /></embed> This is the playlist.xml file: Code: <?xml version="1.0" encoding="UTF-8"?> <songs> <song path="http://berkeleyjsa.org/Music/BabyloneBuildings.mp3" title="Chris Combette - Babylon Buildings" /> <song path="http://berkeleyjsa.org/Music/Allthatyouare.mp3" title="Immortal Technique - All That You Are" /> <song path="http://berkeleyjsa.org/Music/cantstandit.mp3" title="Danielle Paris - Can't Stand It (Cascada Remix)" /> <song path="http://berkeleyjsa.org/Music/Cellosuite.mp3" title="J.S. Bach - Unaccompanied Cello Suite in G (Prelude)" /> <song path="http://berkeleyjsa.org/Music/Devotion.mp3" title="MC Solaar - Dvotion" /> <song path="http://berkeleyjsa.org/Music/Due_Reward.mp3" title="Midnite - Due Reward" /> <song path="http://berkeleyjsa.org/Music/Riberonzinha.mp3" title="Maria De Barros - Riberonzinha" /> <song path="http://berkeleyjsa.org/Music/change.mp3" title="Otis Redding - A Change Is Gonna Come" /> <song path="http://berkeleyjsa.org/Music/Zealots.mp3" title="The Fugees - Zealots" /> </songs> Back to top OMGMOLD Posts: 563 Location: Stafford, UK Posted: Wednesday 30th November 12:20pm Post subject: just use the mygen playlist generator http://www.mygen.co.uk/index.php?page=profiles&action=myplaylist Back to top Display posts from previous: All Posts 1 Day 7 Days 2 Weeks 1 Month 3 Months 6 Months 1 Year Oldest First Newest First MyGen.co.uk Forum Index » MyGen Support All times are GMT Page 1 of 1 Jump to: Select a forum MyGen Announcements ---------------- News & Announcements MySpace Profile Help Forums ---------------- Profile Layout Images Music Videos Flash Other HTML/CSS Help MySpace Profile Help MyGen Forums ---------------- MyGen Support Suggestions/Comments MyGen Bugs Contact Tables Everything Else ---------------- Rate My Profile! Anything Goes! You cannot post new topics in this forum You cannot reply to topics in this forum You cannot edit your posts in this forum You cannot delete your posts in this forum You cannot vote in polls in this forum This page was created in 0.634 seconds Powered by phpBB 2.0.11 © 2001, 2002 phpBB Group Portal Code & Design by Rob Hall

MySpace HTML Code MySpace

Free MySpace HTML Code - Contact Tables - Icons - Layouts - Photos - Online Now - Backgrounds Menu Content/Inhalt Free MySpace Contact Tables Contact Us News Home Online Now Icons Home Main Menu Home Free MySpace Photos Cool MySpace Cursors MySpace Online Now Icons MySpace Game Codes MySpace HTML Code MySpace Contact Tables MySpace Help FREE PHOTO HOSTING MYSPACE HTML CODES MySpace Border Codes MySpace HTML Cursors Advanced Text Codes Flash AIM Buttons Hide Your Friends Code HTML Drop Down Menu HTML Color Codes Basic HTML Text Codes Fancy Scrollbars FREE MYSPACE PHOTOS Funny Dancing Photos Funny Photos New Year's Photos Funny Animations Funny Insult Photos Character Photos CODE GENERATORS MySpace Whore Me Code GIVE US A SHOUTOUT! Read Our Guest Book Sign Our Guet Book MYSPACE FLASH GAMES Super Mario Brothers Pac-Man Tetris All Arcade Games Login Form Username Password Remember me Forgotten your password? No account yet? Create one MySpace Photos Ultima Web Design Group Howe Creative Advertise Here Who's Online We have 278 guests online Unique Visitors Visitor Counter Today 2364 Yesterday 3764 Week 10217 Month 40633 All 82902 Referrers bulletin.myspace.com profile.myspace.com ..tprofile.myspace.com www.google.com www.myspace.com www.mysticproxy.com orlando.craigslist.org www.google.ca www.google.co.uk aolsearch.aol.com search.msn.com search.aol.com 64.233.167.104 ..morepics.myspace.com search.yahoo.com aolsearch.aol.co.uk uk.search.yahoo.com yourguest.com.ru www.google.ie myspace.com www.search.com groups.myspace.com mail8.myspace.com www.google.fr comments.myspace.com blog.myspace.com www.searchlive.org www.google.com.hk www.google.co.za www.google.cl www.google.com.co home3.myspace.com 66.102.7.104 home2.myspace.com es.search.yahoo.com www.friendster.com www.google.com.ph ca.search.yahoo.com www.google.com.au www.dogpile.com Gallery Home Holidays New Years User Pannel - Most Viewed - Top Rated - Last Added Last Image Next Image Happy New Year Description: Copy the code below and paste it where you want your image to apprear. FreeMySpaceHTMLcode.com Date: Thu 22 Dec 2005 16:42:19 CST Hits: 143 Rating: No Votes Filesize: 10,65 KB Author: admin Picture Rating 1 (Bad) 5 (Good) Send to Friend Please login first... [RM]: Registered Members Directory [SM]: Special Members Directory Powered by: PonyGallery (C) 2006 Free MySpace HTML Code - Contact Tables - Icons - Layouts - Photos - Online Now - Backgrounds Designed and Maintained by Ultima Web Design Group Orlando | Kissimmee (c) 2005 Ultimadg.com

Whore Train

Exquisite Corpse - A Journal of Letters and Life Dirk the Lech by Pete Sniegowski From Losers: A Collection of Short Stories Admitted depravity is one thing, the other is pathos, sweet and true as honey. He liked the idea of lechery, the whole idea of it. I suppose we all have our own definition of lechery. Dirk's head was full of Sci-Fi comic book heroines with giant breasts and tear-drop asses. It was also full of far too much live KISS footage and Bad Company songs. But it went well beyond that. He wrote on his pants--spasmodic phrases--things like, BROWN, PETRIFIED RAGE!!, REMEMBER THE ORANGE GLOW!!, FURIOUS SPHOOG TUNES!! I saw him last Tuesday, patching his canoe in the front yard. He'd smeared grass clippings into the resin by accident. The fiberglass wasn't staying down. It went wherever his trowel (a stick) went. And he was saying to me, "When I get older I'll be one of those guys on the front porch yelling at kids and hooting at the chicks going by." "Leaning forward on your cane." "Right." "With shit in your diaper." "Hey!" he said with mock ferocity. "Leave my dreams alone." Resin-impregnated fiberglass strands wafted against his leg. "Dreams like the Norsky whore?" "She wasn't a whore!" But I could see that she was. In a non-violent way, Dirk considered all women to be saucy little hookers of one type or another. The ones who denied it were simply frigid, saucy little hookers, who lied to themselves, and everybody else. Usually, listening to other guys talk about sexual exploits turns my stomach slowly. Not to be prudish or anything, because I don't give a damn what they do to each other as long as there's consent and I'm not a part of it. It's just that Dirk's eyes would bulge, and he'd get this weird tick where he'd stretch his neck and look at you like a fish in a fist when he really got going on the topic of a woman's ass. Which comes back to the story of the Norsky Whore, who is, technically, not a whore. If I remember it right, she spoke four languages and, according to Dirk, had one beatific ass. Anyway, Dirk was on his way to Eastern Europe, via Amsterdam. After the airport, at the train station, he stowed his ever precious, life encompassing duffle in a locker. Within one day Dirk would turn 30. He had some half-psychotic notion that he needed to "fuck a whore" before he turned 30, because after he turned 30 he had vowed to become the son that his mother always wanted, not the irresponsible megalomaniac that he was. And fucking a whore on the day before his 30th birthday was going be the gateway of sin through which he would pass as he cleansed himself, in Amsterdam. Europe's own sin city. It seems that Dirk had reached a cross roads. And as usual, he followed the road of the misguided, mildly evil miscreant. He rationalized his plan with the knowledge that Kerouac would on occasion seek out a prostitute, which, according to Dirk, meant that he was in good company. Back to Dirk loading his duffle into a train station locker--I will give him this: Dirk was pure enough of character to know that he was a loser, simple and straight forward. Not only that, but he hated himself for it and simultaneously loved every minute of the entire, explosively hilarious paradox. I'll grant you he's twisted. But it's as true a twist as you'll ever see. Anyway, enough lionizing the loser. In scuffed, clownish boots and torn, written on clothes he headed off to a "coffee shop" to smoke some coffee. But Dirk forgot something about himself--he's a tight-wad mother fucker. And he blew a fair amount on "coffee." Which left him with only 15 bucks in his pocket (he didn't even consider trying to get more cash as this trip was "budgeted"). After ogling ass all over the street for an hour, he finally honed in on one woman in particular. Although this was not part of the story as he related it, I imagine his neck was stretched to full extension as he gaped at her boobs from the back corner of his left eye and offered her the fifteen bucks hoping she'd suck him off cut rate. No deal. Now things began to look grim--it seemed Dirk would not get to "bang his strumpet" before he turned thirty. Having set this goal for himself, and seeing it so clearly as the only way to go, he faced the stark reality of his loserdom. To fail in this matter would be bad for his future. The ramifications of failure would reverberate throughout the rest of his life. But he was a loser anyway, so he turned and followed the flow (which quickly became a line) of stoop-shouldered chicken chokers into a large grey building with girls dancing in the windows. As he and his horny, frog-eyed compatriots shuffled through dank, sound-dampened corridors, young women (possibly girls) reached out to them, beckoned them. Dirk shuffled faster. Somewhere along the line there he decided that all he really wanted to do was drool over some hot stripper while he smacked his monkey against a pole. Which was all he could afford, anyway. It was a resolution of sorts. He found his booth. You know what it smelled like, and if you don't so much the better for you. There wasn't much room. Over in the corner sat a chair with a small table by it. On the table sat a box of tissues, under it, a wastebasket. He turned to the control panel on the wall and saw that there were names next to buttons: Jackie, Lola, Sophia, etc... You get the picture. Now, Dirk was never big on doing things the way they were supposed to be done, nor was he big on patience. So, he had a look at the instructions, decided they were far too complicated and dumped a few guilder into the machine. He paused and pressed Lola because Jackie sounded a bit dikey to him and Sophia reminded him of Sophia Loren. He did not want to see Sophia Loren naked. Most of us might wait for at least a minute before we proceeded with further measures. After all, you're 3,000 miles from home, in a foreign country, wedged into a cum stained porno booth. You don't know how things operate in this neck of the woods. So you wait. Not Dirk. He says he waited a while, and, in his manic state, I expect it seemed like that at the time. I figure he waited about ten to fifteen seconds. Whereupon he pressed another button and held it for a second. Again, there was no immediate gratification. So he dumped all his money into the machine and spread his hand across all the buttons, pushing them all two or three times. Within moments a displeased looking woman in a loose robe walked into the room on the other side of the glass from Dirk. I won't subject you to the lascivious details as they were related to me. Suffice to say that he didn't look her in the face for quite some time. The stripper tried three or four different languages. Possibly because Dirk always looks like a refugee, possibly just to humble him. Either way, you gotta like it. Finally, she landed on English and demanded, "Have you ever done this before?" And here comes Dirk's second big mistake. "Yeah. Sure," he said. He earned no points with that response. Instead he gave the impression of arrogance hiding ignorance. Which doesn't get you anywhere with a stripper who's behind an inch of Plexiglas. The woman tried to explain to Dirk where to put the money and how much one thing or another cost. "You want full nude show--so much. You want masturbation--so much," and so on. Dirk wasn't paying attention. He was watching her robe fall open ever so slightly as she made her explanations--his neck stretched and twitching the whole time. He looked up at her through a haze of testosterone. "I put all my money in the machine." He pointed to the lit up buttons. The woman began to lose patience. Dirk pressed on. "I put fifteen guilder in, which entitles me to a pussy show." From there it broke into full argument. She wasn't budging and Dirk was about to lose it. Within seconds he would lose the rest of his money and get nothing, no whore to fuck before he turned 30, no pussy show, nothing. He could not face the wretched truth of it all. He argued like a fanatic. "I paid fifteen guilder to that machine. Look, right on the front there--it says fifteen guilder. Now lets have a show! Goddamnit!" That was all the woman needed to hear. She stood up straight, pulled her robe tight and left. Dirk remained in the booth for a second, then it came to him: pure failure--simple, mammoth and flat. He fled the scene quickly, which really should be the end of the story, but this is Dirk, so let's continue. He gets back to the train station and sees that his locker is open and everything is gone. He freaks. He makes his distress audible. "Oh! Oh! Oh! All my shit!" People begin to stare. He ignores them and tears off looking for the attendant. He finds the attendant talking to some older, quiet folks. No time for that. "Some mother fucker stole my shit!" He blurted. "I went... I was gone for a while and now my shit is gone! Some son-of-a-bitch..." He dragged the attendant to his locker. "You are sure this is your locker?" The attendant asked. "Of course it's my fucking locker! I'm not fucking stupid." It wasn't his locker. His was the next one to the right. After that Dirk got on the train for Eastern Europe and turned thirty the next day. He's still out there, victimizing the unsuspecting. Once, on a bleak stretch of I-80 in southern Wyoming I tried to kill him in my pick-up truck--ready and willing to sacrifice my truck and my own life if necessary. Anything to get the job done. Totaled the truck, but we both walked away with little loss of blood. No luck. Two days later he was found screaming at a seven-year-old girl who had allowed her pet bunny to get into his yard. He told her she didn't deserve a bunny if she couldn't control it. The girl was mildly retarded. She wouldn't stop crying for three days. When the mother came over later that day to exact an apology from Dirk, he refused. When things became heated, he screamed at the girl again, and in all likelihood caused permanent damage to her psyche. He hasn't apologized to this day. Last I heard, he fell for some girl in her late teens. They both decided that she didn't need the medicine the psychiatrists had prescribed and headed West in a dusty green '73 Fury station wagon. ©1999-2004 Exquisite Corpse. Site design by Compulsive Creations .