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Myspace HTML all here!

Myspace Help Myspace Codes myspace Html Home MyLÓÒk MyAudio MyVideo Gifs Pictures Online Icon Cool! FX HOT! MyContact Cursors New! WhoreME! HTMLCodes CommentBox FriendsList Interest Games FUN! Fun2Watch FUN! Avatars HOT! HTML Area MyName MyTextArt Backgrounds & Gifs Layouts HOT Playlist NEW! Filter FX Flash Album ScrollBars NEW! Text-Fade HOT! Text-Gif HOT! GlitteringText Superb! Season Graphics HOT! Promote my site please! Myspace Help | Myspace Profile Editor | Myspace Codes | Myspace HTML all here! Fill out your e-mail address to receive our newsletter! Subscribe Unsubscribe Browse archives Myspace Help Welcome to Myspace Help NEW CODES!!! Look near by the end of the page! This page is for you people who want to customize your space and make it REALLY unique, There are places like to add music codes, myLook Profile editor that do it for you, but this wil let yours be completely unique. If you want some music videos go to myVideo or bunch of songs go to myAudio , we even have more codes on WebCodez.com A great staff to help you with your needs in the HTmate Forum htmate2.com To copy and paste, highlight and press Ctrl C *To copy press Ctrl first then C *Then to paste press: Ctrl and then V ------------------------------------------------------------------ ::::Keep on checking back! We may have new codes!:::: to bold your text <b>text</b> ex: this is bold to strike your text <s>text</s> ex: this is strike to underline your text <u>text</u> ex: this is underline supscript <sup>text</sup> ex: supscript subscript <sub>text</sub> ex: subscript to make your font bigger <font size="put a number you want">text</font></b> ex: hi (this is font size 5) to change the font face <font face="the font you like">text</font> ex: this is font face: monotype corsiva to change colors of your text <font color="choose color">text</font> ex: this is grey to blur your text <SPAN STYLE=position:static;;filter:blur(color=AEC1D0)>text here</SPAN> ex: text blur to glow your text <SPAN STYLE=position:static;;filter:Glow(color=AEC1D0)>text here</SPAN> ex: text glow to change colors of your scrollbar <style type="text/css"></style> to put music on your page <bgsound src="URL OF SONG"autostart=trueloop=infinite> to make a background fixed <style type="text/css"></style> no right click <BODY ONCONTEXTMENU="return false"> to make a dropdown list <select style="background-color: COLOUR; color: COLOUR; font-family: FONT; font-size: SIZE;"><option>FIRST ITEM</option><option>SECOND ITEM</option><option>THIRD ITEM</option><option>FOUTH ITEM</option><option>FIFTH ITEM</option></select> EX: FIRST ITEM SECONDITEM THIRD ITEM FOUTH ITEM FIFTH ITEM how to highlight words <span style=background:COLOUR NUMBER OF HIGHLIGHT HERE><font color="COLOUR NUMBER OF FONT HERE">MESSAGE HERE</font></span> EX: HEY THERE. COOL UH? Transparent Code (Needed for background to work) <STYLE TYPE="text/css">table, td, textarea, a, body, input{background-color:transparent;border:none;border-width:0}></style> how to change the size and colors of your notebox <STYLE TYPE="text/css">input,textarea{color:"black";font-family:arial;text-align:middle;cursor:crosshair;font-size:8pt;background:white;border-style:solid;border-width:1; border-color:"black"}--></style> make text move (marquee) <MARQUEE direction="left" width="80">text here</MARQUEE> ex: text move make text move up and down <MARQUEE behavior=alternate direction=up scrollAmount=3 width="80" height="20">text here</MARQUEE> Changing All the Colors <STYLE TYPE="text/css">td, table {color:#F5F5F5} .whitetext12 {color:#000000} .lightbluetext8 {color:#000000} .blacktext12 {color:#000000} .btext {color:#F5F5F5} .blacktext10 {color:#F5F5F5} .text {color:#F5F5F5} .orangetext15 {color:#F5F5F5} .nametext {color:#F5F5F5} .redbtext{color:#F5F5F5} A:link{color:#F5F5F5} A:visited{color:#F5F5F5} A:active{color:#F5F5F5} A:hover{color:#F5F5F5} a.navbar{color:#F5F5F5} a.navbar:link{color:#F5F5F5} a.navbar:active{color:#F5F5F5} a.navbar:visited{color:#F5F5F5} a.navbar:hover{color:#F5F5F5} a.redlink:link{color:#F5F5F5} a.redlink:active{color:#F5F5F5} a.redlink:visited{color:#F5F5F5} a.redlink:hover{color:#F5F5F5} a.searchlinksmall{color:#F5F5F5} a.searchlinksmall:link{color:#F5F5F5} a.searchlinksmall:active{color:#F5F5F5} a.searchlinksmall:visited{color:#F5F5F5} a.searchlinksmall:hover{color:#F5F5F5} ></style> Reverse Your Page <STYLE TYPE="text/css">body{direction:rtl;} The Following Code WILL not Workon myspace but is for xangas removing ads : <script language="javascript"></script>  Transparent Image <img src="put url of image here" style="filter:alpha(opacity=50)"> Title Scroller put this into the custom header this is the title thingy ( Unless stated otherwise place in Heroes Section of your profile. ) Adds Background Color and a background Image, change the color FFFFFF for the bg color and the url for the bg pict. <style type="text/css">table, td {background-color:transparent;border:none;border-width:0;} </style><style type="text/css">body {background-color: FFFFFF;}body {background-image:url(http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v491/bahumut/Drawings/Dragon1G.bmp);background-repeat:no-repeat;background-attachment:fixed;background-position:center;}</style> to upload a background from your computer go to http://www.imageshack.us NAME ON TOP OF BACKGROUND </SPAN<SPAN CLASS="txt"<MARQUEE direction=left height=60 scrollAmount=9 scrollDelay=10 style="COLOR:.FF0000; FILTER: alpha(opacity=65); FONT-FAMILY:Comic Sans; FONT-SIZE: 40pt; FONT-WEIGHT: bold; POSITION: absolute; RIGHT:410px;top:0;Z-INDEX: 25" width=468; WHATEVER </MARQUEE<MARQUEE direction=right height=60 scrollAmount=9 scrollDelay=10 style="COLOR:.FFFFFF; FILTER: alpha(opacity=65); FONT-FAMILY:Comic Sans; FONT-SIZE: 40pt; FONT-WEIGHT: bold; POSITION: absolute; LEFT:130px; top:0; Z-INDEX: 25" width=468; @ myspace </MARQUEE</SPAN Reversing page from left to right (Picts on right, blogs on left) <style type="text/css">table {direction:rtl;}table table table {direction:ltr;} </style> TO CHANGE THE COLOR OF YOUR LETTERS <style type="text/css"td, table {color: RED}.whitetext12, .blacktext12, .orangetext15, .nametext {BLUE}.lightbluetext8 {color: PINK}.btext {color: YELLOW}.blacktext10 {color: GREEN}.text {color: BROWN}.redbtext{color:BLACK}A:link {color:PURPLE}</style To Change almost all of the text on your page <style type="text/css">body, td, li, p, div, textarea, a, input, table, li, h1, h2, p, br {color:FFFFFF;}.btext {color:FFFFFF;}.blacktext10 {color:FFFFFF;}.blacktext12 {color:FFFFFF;}.lightbluetext8 {color:FFFFFF;}.nametext {color:FFFFFF;}.text {color:FFFFFF;}.orangetext15 {color:FFFFFF;}.redbtext {color:FFFFFF;}.text {color:FFFFFF;}.whitetext12 {color:FFFFFF;}a:link {color:FFFFFF;}a:visited {color:FFFFFF;}a:active {color:FFFFFF;}a:hover {color:FFFFFF;}a:link img {border:1px solid 000000;}a:visited img {border:1px solid 000000;}a:hover img {border:1px solid 000000;}a:active img {border:1px solid 000000;}</style> The meanings of each text changing part: This line will change the main body text: body, td, li, p, div, textarea, li, h1, h2, p, br {color:color_code;} These next lines will change the headings, and other colored text .btext {color:color_code;} ("XX's Latest Blog Entry" & "XX has XX Friends") .blacktext10 {color:color_code;} time and date in the Comments section. .blacktext12 {color:color_code;} "XX is in your Extended Network" .lightbluetext8 {color:color_code;} ("General", "Music", "Heroes", etc.) .nametext {color:color_code;} This is the name ABOVE your profile picture. .orangetext15 {color:color_code;} ("About Me", "Who I'd Like to Meet") .redbtext {color:color_code;} (XX has "XX" Friends) .text {color:color_code;} (Name, Location, Age, etc.) .whitetext12 {color:color_code;} ("Contacting XX", "XX's Interests" etc) This will change the colors of the links a:link {color:color_code;} This is the color of links a:hover {color:color_code;} Color of link with mouse over. a:active {color:color_code;} Color of active link. a:visited {color:color_code;} Color of visited link. This will change the border color of picture links a:link img {border:1px solid color_code;} Color of image link border a:hover img {border:1px solid color_code;} Color of link with mouse over a:visited img {border:1px solid color_code;} Color of visited link Adding those borders around everything ( Warning! This will ruin pages with tables and will make a background image disappear) If you know how to fix this code so it wont ruin tables and bg images, please send me a message, Thank you <STYLE>td, table, tr, span, li, p, div, textarea,td, li, p, div, textarea {border-color:FFFFFF}table{border-color:FFFFFF}</STYLE> IF U WANT TO MAKE A FONT GLOW, instead of typing this {color: purple} TYPE THIS {color: RED! important; filter:glow(color= GREEN, strength=2); height:1; font-weight:normal; font-style:italic;} THIS IS THE CODE FOR THE SCROLLBAR <style type="text/css"body{scrollbar-face-color:black;scrollbar-shadow-color:limegreen;scrollbar-highlight-color:blue;scrollbar-3dlight-color:pink;scrollbar-darkshadow-color:yellow;scrollbar-track-color:white;scrollbar-arrow-color:red;}</style images are translucent untill you roll over them, then they become opaque. <STYLEa img{filter:Alpha(Opacity=60)}a:hover img{filter:none}</STYLE Changing your Links: This code will make your friends picture to dissappear when you point your mouse cursor on it and turn a fade effect on links. <style type="text/css"a:hover{Filter:alpha(style=2, opacity=100, finishopacity=0, startx=0, finishx=100, starty=0, finishy=100);height:1px;width:inherit;}</style MAKE SURE YOU USE ONLY ONE MOUSEOVER Mouseover with Filter <style type="text/css"<style type="text/css"></style> Ex. Make Your Pictures Glow <style type="text/css">img{filter:glow(color=hotpink,strength=2)}</style> Tables note : if you want to make your table see through, use this code: <style type="text/css"></style> text here <TABLE bgcolor="#ff0000"cellspacing="1"><TBODY><TR> <TD bgcolor="#FFFFFF">writing< /TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE> text here <TABLE bgcolor="#ff0033"> <TBODY><TR><TD bgcolor="#ffffff"><TABLE bgcolor="#ff6600"> <TBODY><TR><TD bgcolor="#ffffff"><TABLE bgcolor="#ffff00"><TBODY><TR><TD bgcolor="#ffffff">writing</TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE></TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE></TD></TR><</TBODY></TABLE> text here <table border cellpadding="3" cellspacing="0" width="150" bgcolor="#?" bordercolor="#ffffff" bordercolordark="#ffffff" bordercolorlight="#000000"><tr><td><tableboreder cellspacing="0" width="100%" bordercolor="#ffffff" bordercolordark="#ffffff" bordercolorlight="000000"><tr><td bgcolor="#ffffff"><p align="center">text here<BR></td></tr></table></td></trtable> text here <MARQUEE width="100" style="border:2px dotted deeppink">writing</MARQUEE> text here <table width=130 height=130 style="filter: alpha(opacity=100,finishopacity=0,style=2);"><tr><td align=center bgcolor=deepskyblue>writing</td> </tr></table> text here <table width=150 height=150 style="filter: alpha(opacity=100,finishopacity=8,style=3);"><tr><td align=center bgcolor=deeppink><PRE>writing</PRE></td></tr></table> text here <TABLE bgcolor="#000000" cellspacing=1 CELLPADDING=3><TBODY><TR> <TD bgcolor="#ff1493"width="2"height="100"></TD><TD bgcolor="#ff69b4"width="2"height="100"></TD><TD bgcolor="#ffaacc"width="2"height="100"></TD><TD bgcolor="#ffffff"height="100"align="center"width="225">writing</TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE> text here <table width=150 height=150 style="filter: alpha(opacity=100,finishopacity=10,style=1);"><tr><td align=center bgcolor=skyblue><PRE>writing</PRE></td></tr></table> text here <TABLE border="1" bgcolor="000000" bordercolor="skyblue" cellspacing="1" cellpadding="5" width="130"><tr> <TD bgcolor="skyblue" align="center">writing<BR></TD></tr></TABLE> text here <TABLE width="208" border="0" style="border:double 4px;border-color:bebebe;"><tr> <TD bgcolor="ffffff" align="center">writing<br></TD></tr></TABLE> text here <TABLE border="1" bgcolor="000000" bordercolor="orange" cellspacing="1" cellpadding="5" width="217"><tr> <TD bgcolor="orange" align="center"><TABLE bgcolor="000000" cellspacing="1" cellpadding="3"><tr> <TD bgcolor="ffffff" width="237" align="center">writing<br></TD></tr></TABLE></TD></tr></TABLE> text here <TABLE border="0" bgcolor="black" height="50" cellspacing="1" style="border:1 black solid;"><tr><TD bgcolor="blue" width="213">writing</TD></tr></TABLE> text here <TABLE cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="ffffff" bordercolordark="ffffff" bordercolorlight="hotpink" border="1"><tr> <TD bgcolor="pink">writing</TD></tr></TABLE> text here <table border="0" width="150" height="50" cellspacing=1 cellpadding=0 bgcolor="black"><tr><TD bgcolor="black"><TABLE border="0" width="224" cellspacing="0" cellpadding="3" bgcolor="black" height="50"><tr><td bgcolor="black" width="3"></td><td bgcolor="hotpink" width="3"></td><TD bgcolor="black"width="202">writing</TD></tr></TABLE></TD></tr></table> text here <table cellspacing=1 bgcolor=hotpink><tr><td bgcolor=white width=2 height=2></td><td bgcolor=white width=2 height=2></td><td bgcolor=white height=2></td></tr><tr><td bgcolor=white width=2 height=2></td><td bgcolor=white width=2 height=2></td><td bgcolor=white height=2></td></tr><tr><td bgcolor=white width=2></td><td bgcolor=white width=2></td> <td bgcolor=white>writing</td></tr></table> text here <TABLE style="BORDER-RIGHT:double 3px black; BORDER-TOP:solid 1px black;BORDER-LEFT:solid 1px black; BORDER-BOTTOM:double 3px black;"cellpadding="10"><TBODY><TR><TD>writing<BR></TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE> Shadowed Text Shadowed Text <table border="O"style=filter:shadow(color=black,strenght=30)">Shadowed Text</table> Glowing Text Glowing Text <table border="O"style=filter:glow(color=black,strenght=30)">Glowing Text</table> Blurred Text Blurred Text <table border="O"style=filter:blur(color=black,strenght=30)">Blurred Text</table> Highlighted Text Highlighted Text <span style=background:ff0000><font color="FFFFFF">Highlighted Text</font></span> Words Re-typing Itself Words Re-typing Itself <marquee behavior=type direction=right loop=infinite scroll amount=10 scroll delay=5><MARQUEE BEHAVIOR=right LOOP=infinite SCROLL AMOUNT=10 SCROLL DELAY=10>Words Re-typing Itself</MARQUEE> Body Backgrounds <body background="IMAGE URL"> Background (Non-Moving) <body background="IMAGE URL" bgproperties="fixed"> Body Background Colors <bobdy bgcolor="COLOR OR HEX CODE HERE"> Marquee wit Background <center><MARQUEE direction=<BR>"left" width="" bgcolor="#BG COLOR">writing</MARQUEE> Marquee up down <center><MARQUEE behavior=alternate direction=up scrollAmount=speed>writing</MARQUEE> Wave Marquee <center><MARQUEE DIRECTION=UP <BR>SCROLLAMOUNT=3 WIDTH=100% Height=100 STYLE="filter:wave(add=1, phase=1, freq=1, strength=100);COLORTAG=<BR>"#FFFFFF"><FONT STYLE="text-align:center;font-family:Tahoma; color:#FFFFFF;font-size:10pt;"><BR>TEXT HERE<BR></marquee> Regular Ol Marquee <center><MARQUEE direction="left">TEXT HERE</MARQUEE> EXAMPLE TEXT HERE Big Transparent Marquee <center><MARQUEE direction=left <BR>height=50 scrollAmount=9 <BR>scrollDelay=10 style="COLOR: white;FILTER: <BR>alpha(opacity=30); FONT-FAMILY: centurygothic;FONT-SIZE:<BR> 45pt; FONT-WEIGHT: bold; position:static; RIGHT:200px;Z-INDEX: 25" width=1080;>TEXT</MARQUEE> bouncin Marquee <center><BR><MARQUEE behavior=alternate direction=up scrollAmount=3 width="80" height="20">text here</MARQUEE> Adding an image- <IMG src="url of image here"> Picture Marquee w/scroll bar- <DIV id=scroll2 style="OVERFLOW: auto; WIDTH: 360px; HEIGHT: 200px"><MARQUEE behavior=alternate><MARQUEE width=200><IMG src="url of image here"><IMG src="url of image here"><IMG src="url of image here"></MARQUEE></MARQUEE> Without scroll bar [picture marquee] <MARQUEE behavior=alternate><MARQUEE width=200><IMG src="url of image here"><IMG src="url of image here"><IMG src="url of image here"></MARQUEE></MARQUEE> Example: All The Hexcideciamal Colors

MySpace Picture Codes Funny

Office Pictures Funny Video / MySpace Video Codes Home | Memberspace | Submit Content | Contact | Privacy Policy Your source for funny videos , funny pictures and more updated daily. Be sure to bookmark us by clicking here. NEW!! We now provide you the video, game and picture codes to place any of our content on your MySpace or other blog! Search BoFunk Username Password ( Register | Lost Password ) Navigation Home Pictures Flash Games Soundboards Register Submit Content Memberspace Contact Categories Awesome Chicks Crazy Cute Fights Funny Interactive Nasty Other Painful Ridiculous Signs Stupid Ideas WTH Sponsor Office Pictures Next Click here to add this video to your MySpace! IM to a Friend | Send to a Friend | Add to Favorites | Save to Computer | Comments We added another video server to hopefully speed up the videos, if you have any trouble, please contact us by clicking here and let us know and please include the link to the video. -- Random Videos Please link to: More related videos you may like Obsessive Compulsive Mailman Stupid Woman Kicked Muh Dog! In The Womb! Feed The Pussy Cat Singing in the car Hit in the balls Human Pinata Staying in touch Sexy Political Video MySpace / Xanga / Blog Video Code Options Video Embed Codes Add Directly to MySpace Thats right!! You can now insert the video directly into your MySpace profile without having to copy the code! Open another web browser (leaving this window open) and login to your MySpace account. Then simply select where you want the video to go from the dropdown below and click "Add to MySpace" ! -SELECT FROM BELOW- Music General Movies Television Books Heroes or Copy and paste the code where you want it (This works on MySpace, Xanga, etc.) Video and Code Provided by BoFunk.com Copy to clipboard Video Link Codes MySpace Codes to Link to the Video With Thumbnail Image (example) Watch Video Here Office Pictures Copy to clipboard MySpace Codes to Link to the Video (Text only) Watch Video: Office Pictures Copy to clipboard Read and Post Comments on this Video sss thay was nasty 05.21.05 Stormin good response by the coworkers 06.16.05 steviebrockfan101 Yeah!!!! 10.17.05 Please login to post a comment or register here Buddies MySpace Picture Codes Funny Stuff MySpace Image Codes Time Killer Kontraband WTF People Top Humor Sites Insane Videos Link Partners Free Downloads Need For Fun Funny Video Clips Clip Dump Ringtone Dump Funny Videos Unoriginal Funny Videos Hans-Wurst Entertainment Crazy Babysitter Priceless Funny Pictures Humor Guide!! Funny Videos Crazy Fun madsalmon.net Humor4You Funny Web Zone! Hawt Priceless Funny Videos Twisted Gaia Flush The Web Doshur Raw Meat Funnymovies.net First-Ward Play Music AchterIn I am Bored mpam.gr Free Ringtones More Sites Add Your Site All Rights Reserved - Design BoFunk 2004 - Images & content their respective owners Page took 1.005992 seconds to load.

Whore Train

eXile - Issue #149 - Chess - eXile: 1, Whore: 0 Moscow-based alternativenewspaper Search the eXile All Issues This Issue This Column | Advanced Search... Email thousands of beautiful Russian Ladies! Home | Archive | Club Guide | Restaurant Guide | Songs | Field Guide To Moscow | Political Trading Cards | About Us Browse Column (9) Previous (5) Next (3) eXile: 1, Whore: 0 W hat is the War on Terror about if not victory? Full spectrum domination of a vastly inferior, if pesky, foe. We here at the eXile sports desk take this War very seriously, and for this eXtra special War on Terrorism issue that no one in the family should miss, we decided to set the tone for the inevitable victory over the forces of evil currently assailing the civilized world. You see, since the inception of the eXile chess column, we have routinely been subjected to humiliating defeats by some of Russia's finest chess minds. The eXile's record against Russia's chess masters stood at an astounding 0-19. This could not be tolerated. So for this issue, in the interest of rallying the forces of good, we decided to trot out the worst possible opponent we could think of to beat mercilessly and halt our pathetic losing streak. The easiest foe. The Iraq of the chess opponents' world. That's right: we called a whore. A whore to play chess against us. We nit you shot. Procuring a whore in Moscow to play chess with is not as easy as you might think, however. Even for money. They'd rather bone than brain. Results of calls to girls advertised in the Moscow Times were varied: Call #1 Woman answering phone: Da? [seductively] eXile: I'd like to hire a girl to play chess with me. Do you have any girls who play chess? Woman: [hangs up] Call #2 Woman answering phone: Da? [seductively] eXile: Do you have any girls who play chess? Woman: That's an interesting request. I've never heard that before. eXile: Well do you? Woman: Let me check. [sets down phone, murmuring can be heard in the background for 10 seconds] We have girls who can play checkers and cards. It will be $100 per hour. eXile: I need a girl who can play chess. Woman: You know, girls don't play chess. If you want to play chess, why do you need to call a girl? Can't you just find a man to play with for free? eXile: Good point. Thanks Girls don't play chess? This is Russia for shit's sake! Can't a po' eXhole find a regular ol' blyad to push some pawns?!? After several more calls with similar results, we decided to try our own eXile advertisers to see what they could offer us: Woman answering phone: Da? [seductively] eXile: I want a girl who will play chess with me. Woman: Well, for $200 you can have her for the whole night and do anything you like with her. eXile: I would prefer not to have to teach her how to play. Woman: Why not? You will have lots of time! eXile: I'll think about it and call you back. With about 10 calls behind us and no luck in finding a chess-playing whore, the $200 gig to teach a girl and then play her seemed like the best bet. An hour for the $100 MT girls would not leave a lot of time for pre-game lessons. But given the lack of any sort of assurance that a $200 reimbursement would be provided by our crack Levite accountant squad, we decided to bite the bullet and order a $50 girl for two hours from Moscow's renowned newspaper of record, the weekly Tsentr Plus, which we had found in our mailbox. We just had to hope that she could tell a rook from an uncut unit. The woman fielding the call said that at the moment (6 p.m. on a Saturday) she had four girls available and asked us what kind of girl we wanted. Not being too concerned about the quality -- we were still ravaged from a depraved bachelor party the night before, nullifying any hope of achieving an erection and popping a sleep-inducing Imovane seemed a much more attractive option than a Viagra at this point -- we asked the helpful madame to send the girl with the prettiest face. In a little less than a half an hour she arrived. After her oversized flathead escort in tan jeans and a flannel shirt had searched every room in the apartment, including the toilet in which a rotten loaf had just been pinched -- much to his dismay, according to his pained grimace upon exiting the toilet -- our opponent, 22-year old Anya, was allowed to enter our one-room eXile apartment. Anya, slightly plump with long black hair and possessing the requested attractive face, was dressed in a long, light-blue jean skirt with a jean jacket of the same color over a white blouse. She stood in front of the doorway with her black leather purse draped over her shoulder looking at us, the royal us, nervously, slightly shifting her weight from one foot to the other. The escort left, slamming the door. We led her into the living room. A short interview revealed that Anya is a veterinary student from the Ukraine who came to Moscow with three other girlfriends to work in Moscow for two weeks during their summer vacation. "Yeah, that's great. Can you play chess?" we asked. "Yes. My father taught me when I was little." We informed her that all she had to do was play a game of chess with us, and that after that she would be free to leave. Impotence, the plague of the eXile staff in the post-Yeltsin era, had gripped us by the balls. "Fine," she said. We set up the large wooden pieces on the flat, rubber-mat chess board and sat down across from young Anya. She drew white. The beautiful thing about chess is that every game that was ever played and notated can be replayed exactly and studied by even the lowliest of amateurs. No basketball fan can even come close to recreating Jordan's shot over Bryon Russel to win the 1998 NBA Finals, or Dwight Clark's catch of Montana's pass against the Cowboys in 1981. But any fool can sit down over a chess board and play out -- according to notation -- 14 year-old Bobby Fischer's "Game of the Century" against Donald Byrne in 1956, contemplating and moving the pieces just as Bobby did. The point is that chess games, when written down, are preserved perfectly for posterity. And Anya left the chess world a fucking beaut. Let's take it to the board... Anya (White) vs. eXile (Black) 1.g3 e5 Anya plays Benko's Opening, named after French/Hungarian/American Grandmaster Pal Benko. Benko made a splash (including upsets of Mikhail Tal and Fischer) in the 1962 Candidates' tournament at Curacao with this opening. He later revealed that he had selected it only to avoid heavily analyzed lines from his opponents! eXile suspects that Anya is using the same strategy. 2.g4??? The typical line in Benko's Opening continues with White's fianchetto of its king bishop (2. Bg2). There is no possible explanation for Anya's second move. There is no record of this move ever being played...anywhere. 2...d5 3.b3? "Blyad's Gambit" (1. g3 e5 2. g4 d5 3. b3) Anya gives up g-pawn for no compensation. We will be submitting this line (1.g3 e5 2.g4??? d5 3.b3?) to various chess journals worldwide to be recognized by grandmasters and amateurs alike as "Blyad's Gambit." 3...Bxg4 4.Na3 Nf6 Anya has prepared to fianchetto her queen's bishop, but instead mysteriously moves... 5.c3?? Nc6 eXile quietly develops it's light pieces, firing up a Parliament Light and blowing the smoke in Anya's face. She has just quit smoking. 6.Nc2 Anya, like many Russian girls, appears to be a horse-lover. Herewith begins a monumental 4-move journey of her knight all the way to the other side of the board, as Anya completely ignores basic chess principles of developing different pieces and establishing central pawns. 6...Bd6 7.Ne3 Qd7 8.Ng2 0-0-0 9.Nh4 Rhe8 eXile prepares to march its e-pawn toward Anya's king with the support of the king's rook. A cross-board trek for Anya's queen's knight 10.b4?? e4 11.Ng2 Anya's knight again feels a bit uncomfortable and decides to seek safety on g2. The eXile has plenty of dangerous continuations to choose from, including: 11... Ne5 12. Qb3 Be6 13. Nf4 Nd3+ 14. exd3 Bxf4 15. Qa3 exd3 16. Qxa7. Instead eXile opts for the simple and effective... 11...d4 12.cxd4 12...Nxd4 13.b5? An interesting decision, in the same way that the Danny Pearl decapitation video is interesting. Obviously white's b-pawn should be protected with 13. a3 13...Qxb5 14.h3 Bh5 15.h4?? It's time for the eXile to lower the Patrick Bateman chainsaw on Anya. There are many possibilities, including 15...Be5 with the attack on Ra1, but the eXile goes for the throat quickly. 15...Qc6 Necessary here is 16. Ne3 (16... Nd5 17. Bh3+ Kb8 18. Kf1 Nxe3+ 19. fxe3 Nc2 20. Rb1 Bg3 21. Rb3 Bxh4 22. Kg2) to protect against 16...Nc2+ and White loses its queen. Anya instead opts for the shocking... 16.Bb2?? Nc2+ 17.Qxc2 The white king's only escape from checkmate. 17...Qxc2 Anya should resign here (indeed, she should have much earlier), but then again, a 22-year-old whore from the Ukraine has probably seen worse in her life. That's what we call CHECKMATE, bee-yaaaaaaaaaaatch!!!!! 18.e3 Qxb2 Anya gives up her bishop. Her rook is next. 19.Rd1 Bxd1 There goes the rook. 20.Kxd1 Bb4 Mate in two moves if Anya moves 21. Nf3 (21...Rxd2+ 22. Nxd2 Qxd2#) 21.Nf4??? She takes the quick way out. 21...Qxd2# 0-1 And there it is, folks. The eXile "nuts the fuck up" and wins. If you're counting, that's 1-19. The dirty ass ho' went down! "Who's the bitch now, bitch?" we said, taunting her with a flaccid finger. "Chto?" she asked. "Nechego. Spasibo." Anya took the opportunity to leave unmolested, only vaguely disappointed that the eXile didn't nub her with our withered unit. And for us, oh my Brothers, it was one little white pill, and sleep, sweet sleep... Issue In #149 06 Sep 02 (3 years, 4 months old) Also in this Issue The Ghosts of 9 / 11 Feature Story The eXile channels the lost souls of the World Trade Center terror attack, and lets them tell their heart-wrenching tales of courage, tragedy, and, yes, petty malice... Powell Rift Exposed Bush Administration sources tell of a widening rift between National Security Adviser Condaleeza Rice and Secretary of State Colin Powell... DEA: Speed Funds Terror The DEA announced that it had cracked a major methamphetamine ring, some of whose proceeds might be diverted to terrorist groups such as Hezbollah... Terror Porn Death Porn MAO CAN TOO... EL DORADO... BIN DRINKEN... ISLAM OR BUST... Your Letters SIC! SANTOS, THE LATINO DUNCETER... THE WAR HERD... DIRTY ASS I-DUH-HO... WAR SUGGESTION... ON THE MARK... THE MARK-UIS DE [sic]... ACRONYM OD... BURNING BEARD... Ames: Times, Jornal Revenues Linked To Al Qaeda eXile editor Mark Ames holds a press conference, linking rival English-language newspapers The Moscow Times and The Russia Journal to Middle Eastern terrorist groups... Remedial Slander! Today it's Greenland - the biggest cheater on the map... Rudnitsky: Breakup With Girlfriend Linked To War on Terror A relationship between an eXile editor and a student girl was broken off when it was revealed that continuing it might harm America's War on Terror... We're Sorry Club Review We admit it. We messed up. Due to an unscheduled binge, the eXile is unable to bring you the regularly featured club review... Bardak Calendar Goldie... Incognito... Grazhdanskaya Oborona... Egg Fest... Latin Party... Happy Hours... Flounder!... Next Terror Attack Already Not Funny Editorial The next terror attack on the United States is already not funny - this is the thing all Americans already agree on... U-Sir: U Won't Believe It! The eXile is proud to unveil the latest addition to our U-Sir Friendly software family: the McChes-O-Matic!... Spielberg Needs A Stalker Kino Korner byMarkAmes Mark Ames reviews MINORITY REPORT, the new movie by Steven Spielberg... Dr. Dolan's Torture Tips byJohnDolan Practical Solutions to Your "People Problems"... The Russian Hack Book Review byJohnDolan John Dolan reviews "The Russia Hand" by Strobe Talbot... Make America Roman War Nerd byGaryBrecher Last column I asked readers to suggest wars that'd be more fun for the US to get involved in than Colombia... Thai me Up Restaurant Review byDannySchwartz Most recently, my unending quest to dig up decent ethnic food in Moscow, for reasonable prices, brought me to a little Thai dive LAN SANG about a five-minute walk north from Novoslobodskaya... The North Sea Amsterdam byEdwardLimonov When you go from France to Holland by train, you might wind up losing your respect for the Wermacht's exploits... Set Font This feature requires JavaScript. Other Formats Printer-friendly Plain Text Email Article Email address(es): Note: Affiliate Links By buying from these merchants, you help to support and enhance our online presence. 200 beautiful RussianBrides a week! Photo galleries, personal profiles, introduction services. Travel to Russia Visa support, hotels, train tickets, tours and cruises. See your message here! Write to web_adv at exile ru Interested in advertising? Write to the_exile at mail ru "the eXile". Tel: +7 (095) 795-3376 , fax: +7 (095) 245-1415 E-mail: office at exile ru (website-related issues: webperson at exile ru )

Bling MySpace Editor Who

www.myspace.com/nebula420 MySpace.com | Home The Web MySpace Help | SignUp Home | Browse | Search | Invite | Rank | Mail | Blog | Favorites | Forum | Groups | Events | Games | Music | Classifieds Betelgeuse "Everyday is exactly the same" Male 31 years old Canada Last Login: 01/11/2006 View more pics Contacting Betelgeuse MySpace URL: http://www.myspace.com/nebula420 Betelgeuse's Interests General Dynomite Add a video to your site Webratsmusic.com Music Nine Inch Nails, Led Zeppelin, Ima Robot, Nirvana, Green Day, The White Stripes, Tarzana, Pink Floyd, Arcade Fire, The Killers, Muse, Beastie Boys, Radiohead, Coldplay, Oscar Peterson, Hot Hot Heat, Eminem, Dandy Warhols, The Bravery, Janes Addiction, The Beatles, Written House, NWA, The Pixies, KMFDM, David Bowie, U2, The Doors, Duke Ellington, Dead Kennedys, Jimi Hendrix, The Strokes, NOFX, The Ramones, Public Enemy, DJ Sasha, The Who, Ministry, The Faint, Fugazi, The Chemical Brothers, Skinny Puppy, Gob, Rage Against the Machine, Bob Marley, Saint Germain, The Rolling Stones, Deftones, Pilate, Fat Boy Slim, John Kelly, Sex Pistols, The Clash, Black Rebel Motorcycle Club, Franz Ferdinand, The Hives, CCR, Bedouin Soundclash, Dr. John, Billy Talent, The Cure, Depeche Mode, Front 242, The Smashing Pumpkins, The Cars, Andy Stochansky, Dayglo Abortions, Junkie XL, The Valjerks, Pilate, Duran Duran, Moving Units, Moby, James Brown, AC/DC, My Life With the Thrill Kill Kult, Bloc Party, New Order, We are Scientists, whatever sounds good Movies Lord of the Rings, The Matrix, Kill Bill, The Ring, Star Wars, Van Wilder, American Pie, Saw, Snatch, Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels, Fight Club, Fast Times at Ridgemount High, Scarface, any Michael Moore film, Usual Suspects, Pulp Fiction, Clockwork Orange, A Beautiful Mind, The Shining, Breakfast Club, Beatlejuice, Jurrasic Park, Cabin Fever, Supersize Me, Sin City, The Wall, Apocolypse Now, X-Men, Spiderman, Excorcist, Nightmare on Elm Street, Halloween, Crash, The Crow, Batman Begins, Wedding Crashers, War Of The Worlds Television The Simpsons, Survivor, The Amazing Race, Family Guy, 24, the Sopranos, Everybody Hates Chris, Daily Show, King of the Hill, The Chappelle Show. Books The Anarchist Cookbook Heroes Ghandi Groups: Family Guy , MiNu Vyrus - View our profile and listen to our music. View All Betelgeuse's Groups Betelgeuse's Details Status: Married Here for: Friends Orientation: Straight Hometown: Somewhere Body Type: 5' 11"/Slim / Slender Ethnicity: White / Caucasian Religion: Agnostic Sign: Pisces Smoke / Drink: No / Yes Children: Proud parent Education: High school Betelgeuse's Schools GALT COLLEGIATE Cambridge,Ontario Grad Year: 1995 Student Status: Alumni Clubs: Dando From 1988 to 1995 Betelgeuse is in your extended network Betelgeuse's Latest Blog Entry [ Subscribe to this Blog ] [ View All Blog Entries ] Betelgeuse's Blurbs About me: Just a guy. With a beautiful wife. And a beautiful little girl. With a job. A nice place to live. Couple of cats. Bling MySpace Editor Who I'd like to meet: Jimmy Page, Trent Reznor, Howard Stern, Michael Moore, Quentin Tarintino, Al Pachino, everyone from Ima Robot, Steven King, John Stewart, Bill Gates, Roger Waters, David Gilmore, DJ Sasha, Seth MacFarlane Betelgeuse's Friend Space Betelgeuse has 66 friends. nine inch nails Ima Robot TARZANA Brent Dave E.K. Written House The Bravery Hot Hot Heat View All of Betelgeuse's Friends Betelgeuse'sFriends Comments Displaying 17 of 17 comments ( View/Edit All Comments ) Snapple iPud Jan 10, 2006 12:05 PM Manola Jan 7, 2006 07:41 AM Cheers for hookin up dude, really dig the bands your into!! Looks like you where pretty comfortable on that seat, what motivated you to ever move from that spot??? Mike / Manola Dave E.K. Jan 5, 2006 03:55 PM we got married in the bahamas on the beach in sept.03 but we had a small buddhist wedding previous to that in july can't do the 12th unfortunately, i work monday to thursday 4:00pm to 2:30am just noticed skinny puppy in your music list - good stuff buddy, high five Dave E.K. Jan 4, 2006 10:10 PM hey man, happy belated new year to you and heather and the little angel maybe we can hook up again in 2006 sometime Brent Dec 30, 2005 06:14 PM Dude, I never took you out of my top 8! The page must be doing something screwy. Ima Robot Dec 26, 2005 11:32 AM Merry Christmas, we added STD Dance for you! Brent Dec 25, 2005 11:24 AM Hey Wes, I'll call you tuesday or wednesday and make some plans with you guys. Have an Awsome Xmas. Dave E.K. Dec 14, 2005 03:54 PM fans eh? well i saw dan evans the other day and he didn't mention having any but i haven't seen pete armour in a while and i sent a friend request to your wife but she has denied me thus far :'( Brent Dec 14, 2005 12:42 PM Oh Ok....I'll give them a try. But you know me man, I'm pretty picky when it comes to anything that has more than 3 chords and doesnt include 1-2-3-4!! at the beginning. Brent Dec 14, 2005 08:08 AM Ya man go ahead and promote bands you like on my page It might open people up to new stuff....Not me though, I'm set in my old ways. Dave E.K. Dec 10, 2005 08:28 PM yeah man - that march break madness show was crazy because i had to play twice in a row, potato house and then us you have any recordings? i used to have a tape with 'i want you dead' on it but i lost it Written House Nov 29, 2005 03:22 PM Good point on Ann but we're trying to keep her a secrete.... TARZANA Nov 18, 2005 05:03 PM I think it's safe to say that you're the best fan we have in North America. Joe Kuhl Nov 15, 2005 08:16 PM Thanks for the add Wes TARZANA Nov 11, 2005 08:35 PM that concert would be very hunter s. thompson. Dave E.K. Oct 30, 2005 11:12 AM what's up man, been a long time i'm in but only if we play at the cave - you remember all your lyrics or what? Brent Oct 30, 2005 10:41 AM I'm in!! Gun Bunnies reunion would be awsome!! I'm sure Dave E. is up for it...I don't think Lee plays drums anymore...maybe we'll get Jimmy Pee from Donnie Washburn's old band....that'd be hilarious! Add Comment About | FAQ | Terms | Privacy | Safety Tips | Contact Myspace | Promote! | Advertise ©2003-2006 MySpace.com All Rights Reserved.

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